I’ve had a few reading experiences where I felt pushed out of the story. Where story ideas were interesting and I wanted to sink my teeth in, but the way the writer told the story and wrote the characters kept pushing me back to arm’s length (or further). So this blog aims to give examples of ways you can let your reader access your characters emotionally, logically, and enable the reader to properly join your characters on the journey your story takes them on. It aims to get you thinking about engaging readers more deeply in your story.
I’ll given advice on positioning your readers so they aren’t chasing after your characters asking, ‘WHAT?’ ‘WHY?’ and so your readers don’t find your characters every action unconvincing. I’ll try to help you show your reader how your characters feel, think and are developing. And to foreshadow events and build your story into a journey on which it makes and keeps satisfying promises to the reader.
Ground Zero
Characters & Status
There are a few simple ways to let the reader truly see and get to know your characters. First: show their emotions. Don’t only let the reader know what your character says to their boss. They can’t be their entirely honest, true self to the boss, they’ll be constrained by professionalism, their ambitions in their workplace, job insecurity, workplace politics etc.
So have your main character spend some time with a friend/ partner/ family member they trust, and can be completely honest with (throughout the novel –when possible). What your character shares of their thoughts and feelings, and how they express both in the presence of people they trust will show us things we cannot see when your character is at work.
Similarly, where relevant, show how your character interacts with people of higher rank, or possessing different and or greater forms of power (in any relevant setting to your story). Show when and how your character must hold their tongue, or restrain their emotions or reactions, or conform to others expectations because they lack position or power relative to others.
Who is your MC among their equals, their superiors and those less fortunate than themself? All of those situations can reveal different aspects of your main characters to your reader.
Showing Feelings & Developing Feelings
Thoughts That Heighten Feelings
Don’t have your character make a single comment that suggests to the reader they’re angry, then have them punch someone in the face. Give us some internal thoughts (internally or via dialogue) to show the build up of emotion (unless you’re writing an emotionally unstable or extremely on edge character who goes from zero to ten on the temper scale in two seconds).
Example:
Why was it always Jorgen who got the nasty, most disgusting jobs? The ones that took the most effort and time to complete? While everyone else came in out of the cold early, put their feet up and got an extra serve of meat soup, Jorgen was shovelling shit and shivering in the cold.
The shovel in Jorgen’s hands stilled. He was falling behind in his studies. It was all the extra work. While he groomed the fine stallion nibbling straw opposite him, and mucked out its stables, his older siblings were racing ahead, towards better jobs. As each of them completed their studies and departed to jobs and lives of their choosing, who would be left behind, stuck doing extra chores in a life he increasingly resented?
The shovel fell, as Jorgen roared and charged out of the stables, headless of the horse dung flicking up in his wake.
Non-Verbal Emotion Cues
This is important. A book lacking emotion cues can also keep characters at arms length from the reader. So show characters feelings with nonverbal cues. The way the oldest sibling rolls their eyes dismissively as Jorgen makes his case. The second eldest crossing their arms as they protest that washing up the dishes and foodscraps is also yucky. The way the third sibling eyes the hem of their immaculate clothes, not even bothering to look at Jorgen as they dismiss his protests with the statement ‘everyone does chores.’
Have Jorgen pause his shovel as he realises who’s got the short end of the straw. Have him drop it when he realises everyone’s using him, right now and always. Then have him charge out of the freezing stables and into the warm kitchen, where no one really listens or seems to care about him or his point of view. Then, having emotionally engaged the reader by showing them everyone’s feelings along the way, when Jorgen’s most arrogant sibling tells him “we all do things we don’t like, suck it up” the reader will totally understand why Jorgen punches the arrogant snot in the face (and quite possibly cheers him on as he does so).
Side Character Agenda
Don’t reserve agendas for the MC and major players in the plot. While the agents of the Intergalactic Police confront a crime wave of chemical weapon sales (and potential attacks), you can still have the MC’s little brother searching for his missing cat. Why knows, maybe the cat is onto something, and in finding the cat, the little brother will lead their older agent sibling to a major clue in locating the lab that produces the illegal weapons, bringing him that much closer to said criminals and shutting down their illegal trade?
Giving your side characters goals gives them the opportunity to grow and develop independently of the role they play in helping your MC. By giving them a life outside of the MC’s bidding, and in making side character’s more fully rounded people, you make your story richer, more authentic and a more enjoyable experience for readers.
Character Internal Development
Please be very aware of the emotional and mental state in which your MC (and supporting cast) begin the story. Of the skills they possess, their social and technological and any other relevant competencies they have. Be aware of how these things and their relationships with other characters grow and change for the MC (and supporting cast) to achieve goals and solve the story problem.
Track these things throughout the story (especially when editing, if like me you’re a pantser). This isn’t just to show the reader how your character strives to change for the better or to strengthen their relationships to the solve the plot problem. Its not just about positioning the reader to share the character’s inner journey and cheer them on and provide the reader with a sense of payoff when the characters finally succeed in their goals. Showing the reader how characters and relationships develop also helps you avoid sudden, unexplained leaps in confidence and ability. Sudden changes (even inconsistencies) in character can confuse the reader, make characters seem implausible to them and ultimately pull the reader out of the story.
Story Foreshadowing & Tension
If you’re writing SFF, Thriller, Crime or Historical in particular, and don’t bother much with foreshadowing —you are killing your story’s tension. As a reader, I want to know what could happen next. My favourite authors, like Robert Jordan and Steve Erikson will suggest via world building and character interactions that two different events could unfold. Then they will lead me down a third path I never saw coming and I will love them for it.
But when a writer tells me there’s a spaceship that a side character can repair for everyone to escape in, then at the twelfth hour characters discover a secret tunnel and everyone escapes through it.. I wasn’t expecting that. I had no sense of anticipation, so I couldn’t be satisfied when my anticipation was fulfilled. I didn’t even know that was an option, so I may be initially confused, instead of satisfied by the way a story problem has suddenly and unexpectedly been solved (in a pulling-me-out-of-the-story way).
As a reader of primarily SFF, the bare minimum I want is Granny built a secret tunnel and no one has seen her for months. So when she does appear, having extended her secret tunnel into the prison cell just before everyone’s execution, her appearance doesn’t pull me out of the story. But if you want me to be really excited to see Granny, show me her struggles to dig fast enough. Let me hear her worries the tunnel exit will come out in the wrong place. If you do that alongside characters fretting as they probe a cell with no possibility of escape and the execution is at dawn and the pale grey of first light is creeping across the cell floor like the ax that’s about to chop off their heads… now I’m feeling the tension!
Tracking Foreshadowing
This is also important. Because if you mention Granny vanishing in chapter one, rumours she’s digging a mysterious tunnel no one quite know’s where in chapter six, then she breaks into the cell to save the day in chapter thirty two… by then I forgot this story had a granny. I’ve forgotten where she is and what she’s doing (unless nothing much happened in chapters seven to thirty two).
So when you’re doing a structural edit, take note of how early you show the reader story facts that will be crucial later. Notice how often you remind the reader of those facts. And check in with your critical readers if they recalled those facts, and the foreshadowing did prepare them for what was coming, and help them enjoy it, even if like Jordan and Erikson you manage to take the story down that third path, making a use of those facts beyond your readers anticipation.
Character Foreshadowing
This is something I’ve enjoyed in films in the last decade or so. I’m noticing more films where a side character has what seems to be a random hobby, and that interest or skill turns out to be crucial to assisting the MC in the finale. So again, if you have side or unlikely characters playing crucial roles in the end, track when and how often you incidentally remind the reader of their skills/ knowledge. When it helps the MC save the day, you want the reader to feel rewarded for paying attention and not pulled out of the story by a side character doing something they didn’t realise the side character could do.
Third Party Development In Stories
This might be an organisation in a contemporary or historical story, or a city, race or empire in SFF. As with your side characters, be wary of under-developing your third parties. I don’t just want to know Sarah’s Sewing repairs clothes. I’d like to know she has access to rare and expensive fabrics no other seamstress has, which may have come from the black market.
As a reader of my own book, I wouldn’t be satisfied if the book just showed the Zaldeans as toxically masculine warmongers. Given that the lead warmongers betray their peace-loving king by trying to manipulate him to war; I want to know what drives them. What does war give them other than the promise of glory? It gives them the opportunity for governorships —political power, and personal estates —wealth. It gives middle ranking men the chance to trade with new markets, where their goods are rarer, and they can charge more and make more money.
Don’t just tell me what the head of the third party/ organisation/ country wants. Show me what’s in it for everyone. Show me what lengths these contagonists or antagonists are prepared to go to, to further their own goals. Show me why its so important to them to achieve their goals.
Why? Because letting me as the reader see what drives the baddies and the characters who get in the way as well as I see the ‘goodies’ ramps up tension. It makes me get more emotionally invested in the story.
I confess, I did laugh reading one of Brandon Sanderson’s characters in the Stormlight archives answering the question, ‘How did all this start?’ with something like, “Other people had stuff and we wanted it.” Yes, in war that’s often what it boils down to. But the more layers you give the agendas of characters on all sides of any conflict, the more tension there is, the more emotionally invested the reader is; the more emotional pay off we get when the story problem is resolved!
Act 1 Checklist (Acts 2 & 3 checklists being linked to it. If you don’t write 3 part structure, this is still things to consider early on, in the middle and near the end of your novel).
With many literary agents wanting only the first 5-10 pages with a query, those opening pages are crucial to readers and traditional publishing alike. Yet as a critical reader, the main advice I’ve given is to delete or rewrite whole paragraphs. With so much to set up, it’s easy to focus on “have I covered this bit yet”? in chapter one, as opposed to, am I presenting my main character as relatable, or interesting and about to embark upon a journey on which the reader wishes to accompany them? And do I foreshadow intriguing story problems to come, without distancing my readers with chunks of telling, boring them with info dumps or confusing them with time jumps? To help you reflect upon and edit, or plan and write your opening pages in a clear and engaging way, I’ll unpack 9 reflective questions giving first five pages tips.
What do I Want the Reader to Know About my Setting?
Let’s orient the reader. Let’s show them that the main character is on another planet or it’s the year 1492. I’d try to get at least one clear thing about location and which point in time the story is taking place on the first page. I’d consider doing it while introducing the MC, by thinking about things such as: what technology is your MC using? What clothes are they wearing? If they’re traveling, what is transport like in your era/ world?
Eg. In my second trilogy, my main character has to go through a checkpoint in the stone walls of a city which, until that point, sounds like anywhere in the modern world. Until my MC gazes out the window at the massive, magically shielded fence lining a deserted highway, and expresses his hope to see the monsters it’s designed to keep off the road flying overhead. Having established that my contemporary-sounding novel actually takes place in a fantasy setting, my story moves on, elaborating on world specific details and history bit by bit, later on.
Where is the Best Location to Introduce My MC?
You’ll also want to consider: what’s most important for a reader to know about my main character at the outset? Which personal factors or relationships will impact on my character’s arc? Which factors in my world/ planet, country, government or society’s beliefs impact on my MC’s life or the lives of people they love? In other words, which location is most appropriate to show the deepest desires of my MC’s heart? To show their want or goal, the lie they believe and to hint at the truth and personal flaws they may address along the way? If your external conflict extends beyond your character, I’d consider where can I place my MC to show these things and show the external conflict?
As your MC moves through the opening scene, I’d slip in casual references to what they see, here and do to show your reader the time and place your character is living in.
What Do I Have My MC Do in the Opening Scene?
That depends on what you want to show about them and their world. For example, instead of explaining that Geoff works on a planet being mined for star fuel which powers the galactic empire’s space travel and is under constant threat of meteor strikes, you could have him stub his toe on a large rock, and comment, “Haven’t they finished clearing the meteor strike yet? If the empire doesn’t staff this mine properly soon, we’re going to get buried and they can kiss their precious star fuel goodbye.”
Whatever you have your MC doing -choose a location, action and or dialogue which shows the reader who and where they are. For example, I open my prologue with Prince Ruarnon strolling through the palace of his people’s long-time enemies. As heir to the throne, he wears a mask of calm, posing to enemy servants, officials and enemy guards he’s walking past as the grave-faced ruler he believes he needs to be. He conceals his inner tension -an act and a lie tested by his character arc. He walks, not with friends or family, but with adult body guards, showing that this teen moves in the adult world and struggles with the isolation of it.
What can I have my MC doing to show through their organic reactions in thought, feeling and behaviour, what guides their beliefs? And to foreshadow their role in my story’s external conflict?
Whatever you decide, try not to begin with logistics. If you start with an MC waking up, reader me would quickly lose interest, unless your character’s first move is to insert a re-charged power source into their arm, or let pet bats in to eat giant insects, which have swarmed around the inside ceiling overnight. Have your MC doing something interesting. If you open with them driving somewhere, have them sweating and cursing as they rehearse the conversation in which they will soon try to persuade their spouse to move somewhere the spouse hates, because your MC has a fantastic job opportunity there.
Start with character action or conversation hinting at underlying tensions (in personal relationships or the entire SFF world), or at something being wrong -hint at an interesting story to come.
What can I show through dialogue?
Who are the key people and what are the key relationships in your MC’s life? What is the nature of those relationships? Are they under strain/ impacted by past events or will they undergo change during the MC’s journey? If so, how can you use dialogue, gestures and other actions to indicate the current state of your MC’s key relationship/ relationships in an early scene? You might also like to consider how you can use dialogue to show what’s relatable to readers, or unique and interesting about your MC’s relationships. Is there tension, suspicion or lack of trust beneath the surface? Banter? Do your MC and their significant other anticipate each other’s thoughts and wishes?
What other details do I Want My Reader to Know?
Answers which may leap to mind include showing off the MC’s personality, indicating their background, life experience, education, knowledge and skills or prior learning which will help them tackle the story problem. But before you put ALL of this at once, consider: What is the minimum the reader needs to know at any one point for this scene to make sense?
If page one opens with your main character being yelled at by her office boss and thinking it’s time for a career change, do we need to know right then that she was raised by a single mother? If she meets her mother for coffee after work on page two, and this conversation is the inciting event which inspires her to turn a love of deep sea diving into a career assisting marine archaeologists -maybe. But, if any of the things you want to introduce aren’t relevant to what your MC sees, hears, thinks or feels about whatever they’re responding to in the present scene -now is not the time to mention other stuff -and a paragraph or more about other things is most likely an info dump.
How Much Info Do I Show At Once?
Ideally, as little as possible. Your character comments on a strange crack in the wall, which later turns out (like Dr Who series 6) to be a crack in the universe. Then the scene moves on. Your thieves gather after a heist, one comments that someone is missing, the others decide there’s no time to waste and get out of there. Only later do they learn of the missing member’s body being found and that they have rivals -probably the same people stalking them on their next heist.
An ice cavern in Iceland, 2016. If your MC is walking through here, give an impression of this space, but don’t try to cram the MC’s backstory or the history of the city in the heart of the ice cavern by the time your MC has walked to the far end of this space.
Each time you introduce a little piece of world building via dialogue or what your character observes in the present scene, I would move your character further into the scene or through a location. Have them take in scenery or do the next action, before slipping another piece of world building or backstory in.
Give your reader time to ingest new information.
This is especially true for bringing new characters onto the scene. If possible, stagger their arrivals. Give time and show a unique thing or two the reader can remember them by before bringing the next character/ pairing etc on stage. And don’t have multiple character names starting with the same letter, or similar sounding names- that’s highly likely to position readers to confuse characters.
What does the Reader Need to Know about Backstory?
There’s a reason this question isn’t, “what do I want the reader to know?” The answer could be “all of it” and the likely result is info-dumping -slabs of telling which become disembodied from the main character and disconnected from the present scene. That makes it very hard for a reader to get into your story or know what’s going on, let alone want to keep reading. So, I would ask, what must my reader know about my character’s past to understand my character’s actions in the present scene?
The question I asked to write my first prologue was, “how do I give the reader an idea of the state of affairs between the empire and the small kingdom it has always wanted to conquer, but never been able to hold?” I did it by getting my MC to wander through the enemy palace on a diplomatic visit. Ruarnon’s thoughts and their reactions to the presence of their long-time enemies standing all around them tell the reader a lot about how Ruarnon feels about their enemies, and gives present story context for snippets of backstory. I hope its just enough for the reader to understand the present state of uneasy peace my story begins with. Then an assassin tries to kill my MC, and my book continues to reveal more about past conflict in the context of my MC grappling with signs war will break out again -soon.
As your opening scene unfolds, continue asking: how does what my MC is seeing, doing and thinking relate to backstory?
Is it essential to the reader understanding that I tie in backstory every time it relates to my character’s thoughts? Which bits of backstory can wait until the reader is better oriented in the present story?
How often across the first 5 pages (and whole first chapter) have I slipped in references to backstory? Is there too much information across those pages for a reader to easily take in information AND follow present events?
Is the backstory ‘backstory’ -or does my present story start in the wrong place?
If the narration of your first chapter wanders back to specific past events the reader needs to know about -and narrates these in past tense- you risk confusing the reader with a past and a present story, neither of which they can properly grasp. You also risk the reader getting bored with what reads as an interruption to the present story and so skipping over the backstory. (Because if the backstory mattered, surely it would be the present scene? As a reader, I find a past event narrated in past tense has no immediacy or tension, so to be blunt, I have no interest in persevering with reading about it.
If you keep writing full paragraphs about a key event prior to the current story -that prior event might need to be your opening scene, narrated as the present story, so it neither bores, nor confuses the reader as they try to get orientated in the present story.
Are Your Characters Moving in the First Five Pages?
A memorable run in Canada 2015. There’s no movement quite like sprinting on snow ?
If your character is on the move, going somewhere and doing something, that gives the feel that your story is also going somewhere. Slip some clues in that something isn’t quite right, hinting at tension and or conflict to come, and you have an engaging first five pages. Having everyone sitting around talking may make the reader may wonder where the story is going and if it is in fact going somewhere.
It’s hard to show a character has agency if they’re sitting and chatting with friends in scene one. The first five pages need to prove your MC is an active character, who’s going to do interesting things a reader wants to read about. ‘Active’ doesn’t have to mean taking control of their life or achieving milestones -that might not be possible for them at present. If it isn’t possible, I’d show your MC’s aspirations and small steps your MC can and is taking to meet those aspirations.
Exceptions
One of my novels has my MC sit at a table with his mother and father on page 3. Mum has baked a cake to celebrate my 15 yo MC’s achievements and is trying to play proud mum (if not happy wife.) Dad is being rude, ungrateful, self-centred and domineering, while my MC’s internal monologue about his father is overtly aggressive and he’s sitting with fists clenched under the table. The characters are still because stillness amplifies the tension of the family dynamics and my MC’s inner tension.
So consider, is having my characters remain stationary at any point in the first five pages a necessary or effective way to show something about my MC, their relationships, world etc? If you don’t have a particular reason for keeping your characters immobile early on -get them moving!
Recap
?Orient the reader in space and time.
?Consider: Where can I place my main character and what can I have them doing to show, through their organic reactions in thought, feeling and behaviour, what guides their beliefs and thinking?
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How can I foreshadow their role in my story’s external conflict?
1. Start with character action or conversation hinting at underlying tensions (in personal relationships or the entire SFF world), or at something being wrong -hint at an interesting story to come.
2. Introduce world building and backstory in small snippets, with character movement or action in between, to give the reader time to digest information about your story and character’s world.
3. Consider: what must my reader know about my character’s past to understand my character’s actions in the present scene?
4. Make sure narration focuses on the present scene, with no more than a sentence or two of backstory or world building, to let the reader get oriented in the present story.
To get help your critical readers comment on how effectively you’ve done all of the above, see my Chapter 1 and Act 1 (links to Act 2 & 3) Critical Reader Checklists.
G'day! I'm an Aussie (they/ them) who graduated from playing imaginary games in my extensive backyard to writing YA Fantasy. In between educating energetic, enthusiastic minds as excited about life as I am —kids— and adventures in Europe, North America, South-East Asia and locally, I enjoy writing adventures and epic conflicts for the young and young at heart.
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