Blog - Elise Carlson

March 14, 2025 / Elise Carlson / 2 Comments

Like many late in life (in my case self) diagnosed autistic people, I’ve spent my life saturated with sensory overload. For years, I had no idea how much energy I wasted at work filtering out absurd amounts of sensory input. Or why it was so hard to switch off or relax at home. Having finally worked it out, I’ll share how I organise and set up my house (decor, storage and cleaning) and some things at work/ school to minimise visual overload. Whether you are autistic, or you live, work or travel with someone who is or may be autistic, I hope those strategies make their/ your life easier, something we could all do with in the Enshitification Era.

Reducing Sensory Overload At Home

Clutter is Evil

This is a challenge for those of us with autism AND ADHD. For much of my life (before ADHD diagnosis and medication), I left clutter everywhere. It was inevitable, as I A. struggled to focus long enough to finish packing up. And B. always worried I’d forget a more important thing that needed doing. So I was forever running from one task to the next before I inevitably got distracted, leaving small piles of clutter everywhere.

I found early in my teaching career that any chance of relaxing or resting on the weekend was best achieved by tidying on Friday nights. I’d begin by putting dirty clothes in the washing basket, dirty dishes in the dishwasher, and packing away scattered papers and other random objects I wasn’t using.

The more stuff I put out of sight, the more tension I was barely aware of in my torso relaxed. Because I no longer needed to remain poised to escape far too many objects crowding my vision and overwhelming my brain until I struggled to remember or think about anything else. Nor was I overwhelmed by the many categories of thing needing putting away in different locations.

Mess is Also Bad

In recent years, I’ve often been able to only clean one or two things before fatigue or pain begin flare and I have to take the rest of the day off cleaning. This has made me aware of which surfaces I want clean the most. Its always the biggest ones.

If there is a 2cm by 2cm or bigger drop of any substance spilt on the kitchen floor; I notice it. Probably every single time I walk past. Crumbs on the carpet? I know about them! Leaves that blew in the door? Annoy me every time I enter the house! Crumbs/ substances on the bench, in the sink or on the stove stop? I notice most of them, every time I enter the kitchen.

It ANNOYS me. They shouldn’t be there. It doesn’t look good. But most importantly, the energy that gets wasted noticing every crumb, drip and whatever needs wiping or vacuuming on every surface of the house, on top of every piece of furniture and decor within the house is TIRING. I consciously perceive too much visual information. (Which my psychiatrist explained is definitely an ADHD thing, but which I suspect is also an autism thing).

Its impossible to relax in your home when you notice five things that need cleaning/ tidying/ something done about them EVERY SINGLE TIME you enter ANY and ALL rooms of the house. The mere constant sight of a messy/ cluttered house is tiring for me to live in. So if anyone in your home is autistic/ has ADHD; the more frequently you and whoever you live with can vacuum/ sweep/ wipe down surfaces; the better!

Non-Overstimulating Household Set Up

A common cause of frustration for me is difficulty distinguishing between the thing I want and the sea of shit I don’t care about just now surrounding it. The thing I want may be right in front of me. But if its an object on the kitchen table with twenty other objects, my brain may note as many of the twenty objects as it can before getting overloaded and overlooking the thing I want; multiple times. Or it may register the clutter on the table as ‘solid mass of too many bloody objects’ and not differentiate between them.

So I decluttered my house, but the cupboards, wardrobes etc, still contained too much stuff. I never perceive the item at the back of the pantry/ fridge until well after it expires. Because by the time I’d consciously perceived all twenty eight items in front of it; I’m tired and my brain perceives the back row as a vague blur.

Non-Overstimulating Pantry

Only recently did I solve storage problems to my satisfaction. Its tricky in the pantry, because I have three housemates who each have their own grocery shelves. And our shelves are narrow and deep. Storing items in rows seems necessary, but its hard to see behind each row. So I put tall items around the outsides and across the back. And smaller items in front, in a couple of baskets I can lift out to easily perceive (and reach) items in the back row.

This helped, but peering into the pantry was still a visually jarring experience. It was like looking into a room where all the furniture is positioned at contrary angles and some items are incorrectly proportioned in relation to others. None of it is quite what you expect. None of it initially makes sense. Its mental gymnastics just to find the vinegar for your salad dressing (and yes, frustrating).

I do a lot of baking, so I bought tuppleware containers for ingredients that are all the same height. Now every type of flour, sugar, coconut etc doesn’t block or obscure the others. And they fit in a nice row along one side, so I can see what’s in each container. And another daily cause of frustration is now a relief that makes daily life that little bit easier.

(Left before, right after).

3 pantry shelves, the bottom and middle with items piled on top of and in front of each other, crowded to the point its difficult to see or reach anything.

Same three shelves, in neat rows of containers the same shapes and sizes, nothing stacked on top of anything, every item visible all the way to the back.

Non-Overstimulating Crockery/ Glassware etc

Only when we moved house did I notice how unpleasant looking in the cupboard for a glass or bowl was. With a sharehouse of around 8-9 different people over the years; our glassware and crockery was very mismatched. Giving away the worst matching sets and buying new, all the same glasses and crockery sets made those cupboards more calming and pleasant to look at.

Note: if you’re tempted to joke about OCD here; don’t A. trivialise a debilitating condition by reducing it to someone merely wanting their crockery and glassware to match. And don’t B, mock people for wanting matching crockery. In this case, that’s like mocking someone for wearing sunglasses on a glary, sunny day. There’s nothing wrong with making things comfortable to view.

Non-Overstimulating Storage

As a teacher, Christmas tends to include gifts of soaps, bath and skincare products. And as an easily distracted ADHDer, the bathroom is best kept clean when the products I use to clean it are stored in the bathroom. (So I don’t enter the room with the products and forget why I was there, the same applying to the kitchen). So my vanity had lots of unused stuff in it, because my brain mostly registered the contents of the huge drawer as ‘big slab of too much stuff’.

In this case the problem was the vanity was a large drawer, with lots of small things placed side by side, and in rows. With so many things in one place, no manner of arranging them could avoid visual overload. Enter a brother who gives thoughtful gifts and figured a large jewellery box with lots of little drawers could be handy for me to store stuff. With a mini drawer chest, small items went from maybe 60 objects of seven varieties in one space, to 3-4 varieties per drawer, and so few items that I can comfortably perceive them all.

Where possible, I suggest using or buying smaller cupboards/ drawers, in which you can separate objects by category. So that opening a door doesn’t instantly reveal shelves of 50 different objects of 8 types. (I don’t like and am lucky my current house doesn’t have a linen cupboard. That’s always too many shelves for me to look at, let alone perceive the thing I want).

White Space/ Resting Your Eyes

In my new house, one housemate’s room has very little decor on furniture, the walls etc. That room has A LOT of white space. Every direction offers blank, plain emptiness that lets my tendency to see EVERYTHING rest, because there’s nothing to perceive, no visual information to process.

I like having some visual stimulation. But if every book/ decorative item/ plant is as eye level; that’s overwhelming. I only put display items on furniture below eye level, so that when walking around I can focus on what I’m thinking, instead of being bombarded by sight of too much stuff.

Increase White Space, Maximise Cupboards

Two pieces of furniture in my new house reduce visual overload. My old tv cabinet had lead light doors that displayed many spines, images, and endless range of colours and texts of tens of my dvds through its glass doors. My new one has solid timber doors, of one colour of harmonious tones. Now, watching tv is a more relaxing and restful experience.

The other change is a book case. As author and reader I know, the point of lots of lovely books and a bookshelf is to display them. But the spines of many rows of books is the same mass of colours, shapes, text and images as rows of dvd spines. And its location meant I regularly walked past it when not wanting to browse books. Too often, it was a solid, 2m high wall of sensory overload that almost made me flinch in passing.

My new bookcase reduces visual overload by screening two rows of books behind wooden doors. The timber framing the glass doors, frames each edge of the shelf with a single colour. While having a pane of glass and lines of lead between me and the books softens the former wall of too much colour and variety. I don’t feel sad I can’t see all the books all the time. I feel relieved possessions I love no longer silently scream at me every time I walk past.

Pine 2m high bookshelf crammed with books of many colours, different heights and thicknesses, some stacked atop each other.

Antique bookcase with carved cupboard doors and two drawers above them screening three rows of books. Upper section has two timber framed doors with leadlight glass in the middles, greatly reducing the mass of exposed spines and visual overload.

Reducing Visual Overload At Work: School

Walls Covered in Posters/ Charts are Evil

This is a BIG one. Honestly, I look back at classrooms I’ve taught in over the last twelve years and wonder why I’m still sane. Remember what I said about row upon row of pantry items being too many items to process? Or row upon row of book spines being a 2m high wall of sensory overload that silently screams at me?

It may not surprise you that as a teacher I HATE classroom walls. I generally avoid looking at them. They have an unfortunate tendency to be a solid mass of teacher charts and or children’s work; of so many colours, writings, drawings and so many categories. They are TOO MUCH.

Imagine being in a room with twenty something children and all of them are shouting at you for the entire day. Classroom walls have the same stressful, overloading impact on me. And a staffroom with work safety, company policy and whatever else posters all over its walls is little better. So if you have any say in your workplaces walls bombarding people with masses of visual information charts/ posters etc ; please reduce it!

What are Visually Overwhelming Walls Doing to ND Adults/ Kids?

If your wall charts/ posters aren’t vital; I’m wasting energy filtering them out so I don’t get overwhelmed, and can actually do my job. So is the autistic kid in your classroom, or your autistic co-worker. Trust me, same goes for the ADHD kids and co-workers!

And you know what, with that overloading visual sensory input in my face throughout my entire work day, I wonder if I wasted something like 30% of my energy filtering out the visual overload of unnecessary crap on walls. That’s 30% of my energy at work, NOT going into my work. That’s the autistic kid having a meltdown because on top of the input of what all the other kids and the teacher are doing, and trying to keep up while struggling to process social cues; they’re overwhelmed. Its the ADHD kid infinitely distracted, or zoning out, because they too are overwhelmed.

Noise At Work

While this blog focuses on visual overload, which bothers me personally the most, everything I’ve said about the discomfort of visual overload applies to audio overload. Whether a particular person/ appliance/ music etc is too loud, or there are too many voices speaking in the same room making it hard for an autistic person to hear the person speaking to them; audio overload also needs minimising. Luckily headphones, both for the person listening to noise and noise cancelling ones, and other sound proofing options offer relief that visual overload doesn’t have an easy equivalent for.

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Minimising Anxiety: Foreknowledge

Even if your companion knows the details, and you’re not normally prone to anxiety; a protest is a good event to minimise anything that might cause anxiety at, especially if you’re neurodiverse. Before you get there, I suggest checking where the protest is, who organised it, what format it takes etc. Do what helps calm us autistic people and arm yourself with foreknowledge of who will be where, doing what, when and how.

If its a type you haven’t been to before (or your first protest); ask around. Get other people to tell you about their experiences to help you know what to expect. A few times in unfamiliar contexts or places recently, I’ve found myself rehearsing what I know will happen, or steps I will take. This has helped me to regulate, remain calm and feel in control in an unfamiliar situation.

Company & ADHD Support To Arrive

A lot of how I’d stay calm, not stressed and not overwhelmed by the crowds comes down to this; try not to attend events alone. The presence of at least one person I know helps me with lots of things.

For a start, I might have trouble reaching the protest. I may be feeling nervous. And with my ADHD tendency towards distractibility, especially if I forgot my meds that morning, its easy to miss my train stop. Its also easy to get streets mixed up, turn to soon or read my map wrong (yes with phone navigation).

Travelling with another person who takes responsibility for navigating takes pressure off me. That alone helps reduce my stress and anxiety levels, and gives me a calmer arrival to the protest.

Company & Preventing Accidents (due to sensory overload)

When you reach the protest, people and signs everywhere and maybe helicopters in the sky, its easy to get distracted or overloaded with sensory information. At Invasion Day I was so distracted (or overloaded) with processing visual sensory info of the crowd that I nearly tripped over concrete bordering tram tracks, having not perceived/ processed it.

Crowds are an information processing challenge for people with autism and or ADHD. So its a good idea to ask your companion(s) to keep an eye out for trip hazards, help you spot them and to explain that you’re likely to overlook them. Its also a good idea to watch out for the crowd parting around obstacles ahead. Had people not stood on benches we had to walk around at Invasion Day, its possible I would have bumped into them too.

Comfort & Sensory Needs

I was lucky my friend was aware I’m nervous as an immunocompromised person of being hundreds or thousands people who could have a respiratory virus that could put me in bed for weeks. This made her aware of my need for personal space and prompted her to find it. And personal space reduced my feelings of being overwhelmed or stressed by people pressing in around me on all sides.

Stand/ Sit Near A Wall

The best space for a neurodiverse or chronically ill person is near a wall. No one can stand in the wall, so you’re guaranteed space on that side. And people don’t tend to pack closely together before the wall. And if the wall is by your side; half the crowd is behind you and you can’t see them. This gives you less likelihood of catching anything from anyone (like the N95 I assume fellow spoonies are wearing). And it reduces the sensory input and distraction of the crowd for autistic people and ADHDers.

But the most important thing about walls for anyone prone to fatigue or pain from prolonged standing is physical support. The Invasion Day rally began with two hours of speeches. I barely managed to stand through the first ten minutes (and I wanted to, because Uncle Garry Folely was speaking and I wanted to show him that respect). I could only stand that long because I was leaning my back fully against the wall and it was relieving my legs of half my weight.

When standing became too much; I sat with my back leaning against the wall. I had space to sit comfortably there and to change my position as needed. You couldn’t do that in the middle of the crowd in the middle of the street.

Chronically Ill & Neurodivergent Guide to Protests/ Public Events

Company, Sensory Overload & Autism Support

Both my parents are autistic and dislike crowds. I think its the novelty and variety of people that my ADHD enjoys about them. My autism doesn’t mind them, but even after a family Christmas I’m TIRED, happy to sit alone and barely speak to anyone for hours. Attending a protest march with hundreds (especially thousands) of people gives me the same weariness. I think its the exhaustion of so many people, clothes, colours, faces, me noticing ALL of it and the energy that takes to process.

Crowds are massively overstimulating and being in one can feel overwhelming. Again, this is where being with at least one person can help. If I’m overwhelmed by all the people, I can focus on the person who’s my company. I even found talking to that friend during the latest march made it feel like it was just us walking down the street. It made me feel MUCH MORE comfortable.

Focusing on the back of the person in front of me or the sign they were carrying, instead of the entire crowded street ahead, also helped me feel less overwhelmed.

Anxiety/ Regulation Aids

As teachers, we know the power of a fidget to give that ADHD kid the stimulation/ dopamine hit they need to focus. We also know the calming benefit of regular, rhythmic movements for heightened and autistic children. Guess what? What helps children calm and self regulate can help adults too.

I didn’t bring fidgets to the Invasion Day speeches, but I was tapping my fingers on my knee to a regular rhythm. Holding a small, discrete fidget could have fulfilled my restless ADHD need to move, even while sitting listening for an hour and fifty minutes. Were I feeling anxious/ overwhelmed by the crowd; again a fidget involving repetitive, rhythmic movement could help calm me.

Mobility Aids

If you’re physically disabled and or hyper mobile, you may already have mobility aids. As a chronically ill person who recovered from long covid only to realise I still had fibromyalgia; I stumbled through chronic pain and fatigue. At work I mostly sat down as often as possible. At home I alternated being on my feet and moving with sitting and resting. But at a protest march its likely you’ll be on your feet for quite some time. So I bought a walking stick, which I’m most likely to use at protest marches (for now).

The Invasion Day march crowd moved too slowly for me. Sometimes my friend and I could step off the road onto the footpath and move at our own pace. But sometimes we couldn’t and like prolonged standing, prolonged slow walking is bad for my fatigue and back ache. For the last fifteen minutes, having a walking stick to lean on would have helped minimise my fatigue and back ache.

Final Note

As we’re conscious of in teaching, its hard too care for others if you are struggling. So try and ensure your comfort as best you can at protests (and in crowded spaces generally), so you can focus your energy on resisting whatever shit your country is/ is at risk of getting badly wrong.

The ‘Small Amount of Time Daily’ Model

There are those people who say: just do a little each day, like writing 500 words. Its not much time or work in that day. And over not too many weeks/ months you’ll have a novel/ established newsletter/ paid advertising campaign!

A big factor here seems to be that when’s life’s busy, its easy to say, ‘I won’t do it today because x,’ and ‘not tomorrow because y’. There’s a risk of not setting aside time to write/ market books and therefore not starting (as I well know, having not spent 9 months of 2023 marketing due to life and earning a living).

If you’re looking for a way to jam marketing into a daily/ weekly schedule under strain, that ‘short amount of time a day’ model may appeal. But personally, I have one main objection.

Some of Us Cannot Spare a Small Amount of Time

Some of us have a disability. Maybe marketing is ‘just’ an extra 20 mins in my day and that’s not much. But my back hurts and gravity is trying to pull me into the ground. My Fibro is DONE with today. It needs that 20 mins (and the next three hours), and same time the next day/ week/ month to recover from the rest of the day. I don’t control what I do on day’s I’m at my day job. My body makes that call and woe is me if I ignore and defy early warnings of increasing fatigue, and or signs my chronic pain is about to flare.

Maybe it takes you time and effort to get your brain out of work/ parenting/ other mode, to tune into something book/ marketing related (especially if you have ADHD). By the time you’ve spent ten minutes (or for ADHD three hours to days/ weeks/ months) trying to engage your brain on The Thing, you want/ need a solid block of time on that task. The first hour ‘on The Thing’ is passed and you weren’t able to properly engage with, or even start The Thing yet.

Need Solid Blocks Of Time?

I NEVER bother sitting down to write if I don’t have at least 1-2 hours. Otherwise I don’t remember who’s in the scene, where the scene is or what just happened, let alone what I’m writing now, or setting up to happen next. Marketing is similar. I want AT LEAST an hour to draft that newsletter/ blog/ design that ad graphic/ series of upcoming book teasers.

The ONLY ‘book marketing’ thing I do in less than an hour is run late to a social media author chat (you’ll find those listed on my Bsky writer chat list). And while technically talking about your characters and plots online could ultimately result in someone reading one of your books, its mostly an activity I do for fun, and connection with fellow writers.

Do What Works For You

So before considering when in the day/ week/ month to schedule your marketing, I’d first consider your ability to focus, your stamina and what length of time blocks you need for marketing (or writing) to be focused AND productive. IF a little each or most days of the week works for you, of course go for it! If it doesn’t? Ideally, I’m finding ‘how often’ boils down to ‘often enough to remember what I’m trying to achieve and how,’ and often enough ‘to feel like I’m making progress.’

When Did I Do All The THINGS?

Blog?

My blog could mean one afternoon a month editing the next blog, and penciling in ideas for the next few month’s blogs. Enough time to check I’ll have a blog ready to roll out at the same time this month, and enough ideas/ of a draft to have edited and published one next month. Ideally, some ideas and or drafts beyond that.

With that system in place, I’ve published one blog most months for nearly four years. This despite the time blindness and management barriers my undiagnosed, unmedicated ADHD posed for most of that period.

Newsletter?

I spend probably one or two afternoons very second month drafting and editing newsletter content and inserting images. Usually, that’s now within a week of sending out a newsletter. Initially though, I always began the next letter before sending out this one, to have content ideas already ticking in advance.
Again, in this case that helped me have a newsletter ready to go every two months for the last three years (quarterly initially, which wasn’t frequent enough to engage people).

Write the Next Book?

Writing/ editing the next book for me is more challenging than both of the above. As a distracted ADHDer, and autistic person who desires exploring story and character logic ALL THE WAY down the deepest rabbit hole, I love writing complex stories produced by whole days writing and editing. In my energetic twenties, Saturdays were rest from the new, challenging career of teaching, Sunday morning’s were reading to enhance my focus, and afternoons for writing. (Of course there were days my ADHD wouldn’t focus at all and I’d stare at a blank page or not even turn on my computer.)

When I was lucky enough to work only three hours a morning part time for a year (in 2018), I would come home from teaching literacy, read for an hour or two, then write for six to eight hours (going for an hour long run in the middle). Those days were brilliant for my undiagnosed, unmedicated ADHD. The teaching burnt off the restlessness I started every day bursting with. Reading when I got home calmed and focused my highly distractible brain. And I still had HOURS to focus and write. Than an hour to run off the resltessness and re-calm and re-focus my hyper, ADHD brain mid-write block.

Getting Marketing Goals Into a State to Determine WHEN To Do Them

First: pick ONE aspect of marketing to focus on. A social media account, a newsletter, a blog, seeking author interviews, getting your book up on all the platforms (details in Step 9 of this post) , or ONE type of paid ad campaign. As an who began social media with Facebook, Instagram AND Pinterest simultaneously, then mastered Twitter, I assure you its more effective to learn ONE platform/ aspect of marketing well first. THEN transfer your learning to a second a few months later. Otherwise its too easy to do multiple things with lack of clarity/ understanding, and thus ineffectively.

Once you’ve got your One focus, getting started is great, but the challenge (as everyone with ADHD knows), is sustaining your work. I find marketing hardest. Aside from individual blog posts/ podcasts/ youtube videos, its hard to break ‘book marketing’ into small, yet related, continuous tasks. Bookbub ads (the first paid option I experimented with) seemed big, and daunting and I put it off for probably over a year before trialling them.

Example: Breaking Learning Bookbub Ads Into Sessions

Once you’ve picked your One Thing, consider how to break it into smaller parts, likely to fit the time you have daily/ weekly/ monthly for them. When I took a break from teaching early in 2023, that involved three week’s full time testing Bookbub ads for my first trilogy (massive fail. I spent money and lots of hours, but my designs were WAY too far off the mark to be potentially worth it). Here’s how, if I only had a few hours daily, as opposed to whole days, I’d break down learning Bookbub ads.

1: Research

Read David Gaughran’s Bookbub ads book and browse sample Bookbub ads (like Top 10 Bookbub Ads of 2024), and take notes in the first few 1-2 hours slots, for a week (or two).

2: Design Ads

Spend the next few 1-2 hour slots designing my first ad images.

3: Compare My Ads to Successful Designs & Revise

Spend the next few hour slots (over around two weeks) examining each individual aspect of design. I’d break these down into; font & font size, background, text & background contrast, how cluttered the image looks etc. Then I’d compare design elements of my ads to my notes on effective design from Step 1 and tweak accordingly.

4: Test & Compare Results of My Own Ads

Run a test ad, then spend slots over the next week comparing and contrasting the amount of clicks it got to previous ads. Then analyse which design elements/ or whether the target author likely influenced clicks positively or negatively. Repeat step 3 with ad test conclusions in mind.

Repeat As Needed

By this point in my process a loop between step 3-4 involving redesign, reflection and re-evaluation could spread over as many sessions and weeks as needed to nail design. Or to conclude that would waste too much time and money (it did with my first book).

Indie Author Marketing & Time Management

Photo Credit: Aron Visuals

When Might You Do All The THINGS?

When you’ve had a go at breaking things into manageable parts, and in so doing developed a clearer idea of what exactly you want to achieve in which time; you can consider WHEN to do All The Things. In deciding that, these considerations helped me, and may help you plan your marketing schedule/ routine.

1: Choose Your Focus

Realistically choose which authorly things you want to focus on in coming months. If you don’t have a website; DO THAT NOW. If you do, will you start a newsletter/ blog/ youtube presence? Build a particular social media platform/ your writer-author network? Or are you ready to consider promoting your book(s) on Amazon/ to a Wide audience? Or do you want to start local and look at public author events, or getting your paperbacks into a local bookshop?

If you’re unsure which of these Things to tackle next, or in what order to tackle Things plural, I go into detail, link resources and sequence The Things I’d aim to do before and soon after launching a book in this post.

How often a day/ week/ month do you need to work on marketing to stay in touch with your goals and keep making progress? (Note: ‘progress’ can include identifying ways that do NOT work and your reflections on why. I still call on-the-job-learning ‘progress’, as knowledge puts you in a better position to achieve in future.)

2: Block Out Other Comittments

What days/ times aren’t an option for you because of your day job? Because humans need sleep and or your kids need parents to raise them? What other comittments require how much of your time?

In blocking out non-writing time, please don’t forget to block out time to rest, recover, chill, smell roses, eat chocolate etc! In other words, don’t work yourself to death. Modern life is BUSY and we need BREAKS.

3: Identify Your Authorly Time Slots

Having blocked out time for life and wellbeing purposes, what time do you have left and how often, across a week (or even month)?

For my teaching career, all work days are a no for anything authorly (except social media, which is more social for me). Teaching takes a lot out of me physically, emotionally and cognitively, so if I taught that day, the evening is for rest.

If like me, your disability, ADHD distraction, autistic overload (or other) determines when and how much you can get done, use a good day to record Thing you’re working on, parts you’ve broken it into and sequence them. Then, each time your body and mind co-operate and allow you to make progress, make a quick ‘where to next’ note. With that note, after however long it next takes for the stars to align for you to tackle The Thing again, you’ll know where you’re at.
(I’m so glad I wrote a May 2024 Author To Do List, because I spent May moving out, June moving in and life happened for 6 months, so its now my Jan-Feb 2025 To Do List.)

4: Choose a Thing ( big picture focus) for The Year

What’s your big focus for the next few months, or even the year?

With my website established (tips on that in this blog), Newsletter established (Newsletter tips here) and blog established, they all get a couple of hours a month.

Last year I intended to focus on trialing paid ads, but didn’t get to begin FB ads after my Bookbub ones bombed because moving house and setting up (a chronic illness, autistic and ADHD friendly) house took up the rest of the year.

For 2025, my big overall focus seems to be how to promote my books wide (ie. beyond Amazon). My First Thing may be setting up direct ebook sales on my website. Ideally, I’ll do paperback ones after that (which I know will be more complicated).

My Big Thing 2 may be exploring in-house promotions. I’d like to check that for Kobo via D2D and see if I can access Apple in-house promotions that way. I also want to experiment with Smashwords Sales (when they FINALLY merge my Smashwords and D2D accounts, which will put all 3 Ruarnon Trilogy books on ONE trilogy page. They’re currently spliced across two different series pages, for the SAME series).

Disability Community

It might seem odd starting with community when this post is mainly about developing awareness of your condition and potential issues navigating medical professionals. But when (to everyone else’s knowledge) you’re the only person you know who, in my case has; ADHD, autism, Fibromyalgia and in 2022 Long Covid; community is important.

This is especially true if you weren’t born with a disability. If, like me, you were just living your life, in my case running 4km multiple times a week, then one day you could barely walk, breathe or think (this is me from able-bodied to Long Covid). For chronic illness later in life, and I imagine any disability resulting from an accident or degenerative disease, its a BIG adjustment. And suddenly a major impact on your life falls outside the knowledge and understanding of most people in it (perhaps everyone you know). That’s where community comes in.

Disability Community- Get One

I learnt a lot about Chronic Fatigue limitations and managing my long covid from 2022 Twitter’s Disability community. I’m now learning from, connecting with and enjoying speaking to people on Blue Sky’s ADHD & Autism Feed, Neurodiverse Feed, Chronic Illness and Disability Feeds. These are totally informal round ups of individual people’s posts, which make it easier to share experiences, complain, commiserate, celebrate with and ask questions of people who ‘get it’/ us.

When I first realised I had Long Covid, it felt less scary seeing that others were in the same boat. This was a new illness, the medical profession had only just begun scratching the surface , no one I knew in real life had the faintest clue, but other people were suffering from it. Other people were living with it. Seeing their posts and reading articles encouraged me that we would find our way. (Took me 2.5 years but I got there –cutting back to part time work was the KEY).

Reading ADHD traits in other people’s daily lives was also validating for me as I sought an ADHD diagnosis, and it helps me feel connected now. Meanwhile seeing what other’s say about how autism impacts them and how I do and don’t relate to other people with autism is also helping me develop my self awareness.

For all four all four types of disability I’ve personally experienced, community has helped. I recommend seeking it on your choice of social media by searching relevant hashtags/ keywords. If relevant, you might want to seek out online or local formal support groups as well.

A Good Doctor

I know, they’re so hard to find —especially in rural areas. And if you have multiple disabilities, there’s the issue of finding a doctor who competently and open-mindedly supports you in managing them ALL. And who does so without being skeptical of one’s existence or biased toward misdiagnosing the other one(s).

For fellow spoonies, there’s also the issue of finding the energy to find a good doctor, if yours isn’t fully adequate. And there can be the need for a doctor who understands the links between conditions. For example maybe that woman doesn’t ‘need’ antidepressants and maybe her anxiety isn’t random, maybe she (and the world) need to adjust to her having autism or ADHD, or both? And maybe her back pain isn’t muscular, maybe its stress from the strain of the above?

Sure, this is just my observations as a person with only personal and second-hand knowledge of such things, but the more I learn, the more it seems your mental, emotional and physical health are interrelated. That any one of those three having an issue can stuff up one or both the others. So if you’ve got multiple ongoing disabilities, you NEED that good doctor who gets the BIG PICTURE for all diagnosis and relevant treatment/ management reasons.

My Doctor Wasn’t Good

I thought I had a good doctor. He listened, he was reassuring, he made me feel comfortable about some other issues that could have been quite serious, but turned out not to be. Then I got long covid. He got me to do standard medical tests, like bloods and an ECG to check my heart ect. When standard tests did not indicate standard (pre-covid) medical conditions, he handed me a survey to ‘explore other options’. Said survery basically asked ‘are you depressed’? in ten different ways. No, I wasn’t depressed. But having my GP try to misdiagnose my obviously physiological illness as depression did cause me anxiety about finding treatment for unknown condition.

He Had to Go

At this time I was fatigued, in chronic chest and back pain and brain fogged. I was teaching full time and very low on spoons. But I was lucky. It was 2022. I knew scientists were only just beginning to study, research and learn what the bloody hell long covid is and what it does to the human body. I knew many doctors could still be very ignorant of this.

But I hadn’t expected to come up against prejudice blocking my path to diagnosis. Luckily my doctor let slip enough for me to suspect that he had long covid, and didn’t want to admit it. And that that bias was compromising his judgement in diagnosing me. It was very clear I needed to walk away. Friends and my mother, whom I spoke to when I had the spoons, backed me fully and I felt empowered to seek a new doctor.

My Experience of Medical Prejudices & Biases

Enter doctor two. Consultation one, my most troubling symptom (which she mainly wanted to hear about, as opposed to symptoms which clearly pointed to long covid) was chronic pain. So, despite my insistence that my mental health was good and depression made zero sense, she prescribed me valium. She pretty much tried to convince me it was depression. One’s a coincidence, two’s a pattern.

This is how I learned there are doctors who prefer to diagnose based on the conditions they personally are most familiar with. That some will ignore any symptoms you name that disagree with their diagnosis (I didn’t have the spoons to test it with doctor two, but for doctor one this was certainly the case). This is when I became aware of doctors who misdiagnose physiological illnesses like long covid and Chronic Fatigue Sydrome, as psychological. Maybe because depression is more common, or more in line with their professional experience, personal bias, whatever. It didn’t help me.

How I Found the Right Doctor

As I said, I was low on spoons and not truly quite ready to accept that this time I knew best, and two doctors didn’t. I took the valium, got home, got angry, threw it in the bin and turned to friends and my mother. Comments from my mother like “but you never take pain killers” really helped me see beyond doubt that this was BAD, physiological and I needed a doctor who understood.

Starting to understand I was fatigued and struggling to find good doctors, my mother got me onto Hot Doc. Its an Australian online booking service with filters that let me search for doctors in my city who specialise in chronic illness. I made an appointment. Doctor three let me talk —probably beyond what he needed to hear for diagnosis because he could see I needed to get it off my chest. Then he said, “That sounds like long covid. But you already knew that?”

Yep, got the one!

I was SO relieved to have a doctor who knew what he was dealing with (I was his fourth long covid patient). He could reassure me that having stumbled for four months on my own I was on the right track with fatigue management. He also have advice on balancing that and exercise, and bothered to test my iron and B12 (both were low) and got me on vitamin supplements.

When I recovered from Long Covid and still had pain and fatigue crashes —he knew Fibromyalgia was a possibility. He correctly diagnosed that and prescribed a pain killer that for the most part kep my chronic pain at bay. (This was while teaching full time. I now work part time and no longer need pain medication. I’ve learnt pain is my body saying ‘fucking stop and rest’ and working no more than two consecutive days a week now, I’m nearly pain free).

Patient Awareness

Medical Malpractice that Could Have Impacted Me

Having had two doctors fail me, I realised it was a good idea to do what little reading I could find the spoons for. At the time it seemed Chronic Fatigue Syndrome was as much a possibility as Long Covid. So when I came across articles about doctors whose outdated —not to mention medically discredited— approach to treating CFS causing harm, I read them.

Luckily Twitter (not yet completely destroyed or corrupted by Musk in 2022) still had doctors tweeting good resources. That’s how I learned about PEM (post exhertional maliaise). And some doctors acting on now discredited beliefs telling patients with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome to exercise, which makes CFS symptoms worse and can cause PEM. I also learnt of the myth CFS sufferers can ‘make themselves better by changing their attitudes,’ outlined and linked to Long Covid scepticism in this article.

By the time I saw my third doctor, I was ready to run away from anyone who told me to ‘exercise and work’ my way out of long covid. Ready to defy out-dated medical advice. Luckily, I didn’t need to. (Though interestingly, with Fibromyalgia, balancing my part time work week with exercise is proving my best defence against fatigue and chronic pain. This is perhaps because I was extremely fit before becoming chronically ill in my mid thirties).

Safeguarding Yourself/ Family

I know, the last thing you need when you’re managing one or more disabilities is safeguarding yourself against a medical professional whose judgement could do you harm. In a world free from racism, misogyny, transphobia etc, that would be easier. Its the last thing you need when when you’ve got a condition that really limits you physically and or emotionally/ mentally. I’m thinking particularly of early Long Covid patients told to exercise which further crippled them with PEM here, but in our imperfect world other circumstances may also apply.

But as I discovered with Long Covid, sometimes you’re unlucky and you’ve either got the wrong doctor, or the wrong doctor to help you manage your particular condition(s). So be aware of and on the look out for red flags.

Trust Yourself and Listen to Those You Trust

So should you feel a medical professional isn’t listening, that their advice is not helping, that their judgement is impaired by any form of prejudice; trust yourself. If it helps and is manageable, keep a record of your symptoms. Know how you were before treatment/ medical advice and after. Have it in writing so you can see for yourself whether treatment is making things better or worse, or which compromise is best. Back yourself up with knowledge of your body so you know when to say ‘no.’

Confession: between brain fog and ADHD I was shit at tracking my symptoms with Long Covid and initially just as bad with Fibromyalgia. But with the Fibro, my awareness of my own body, how much physical activity I can undertake, what kind and how often has been the single greatest factor in improving my quality of life. Similarly, awareness of my ADHD, particularly after I started taking meds, has helped me notice when futile to attempt certain tasks. Knowing yourself helps you help you, and helps inform that good doctor, to help them help you.

I hope you’ve mostly got access to effective, unbiased medical professionals who know what they’re doing. But the rarer and lesser known your condition, it seems the better and more necessary it is to hone your own awareness. And trust that awareness. And communicate it to medical professionals until you get one who listens, understands and work with you as you are are, not merely how they assume/ anticipate you to be.

My Asexuality as a Teen (circa the early 2000’s)

My Asexuality in a (Baptist) Church

I went to church as a teenager. One that very much encouraged people not to engage in any sexual activity until marriage (and then with your marital partner). Other teens had boyfriends or girlfriends. Other teens found sexual restraint a challenge or debated at which level of sexual activity you technically ‘lost your virginity.’

But it was easy for me. I didn’t date. I didn’t feel sexual attraction or even really experience sexual desire (even a romantic desire to be intimate that way) at all. I also didn’t watch or read sexual content because it was foreign and just not part of my life experience. Sex avoidance was easy for me, as I was sexually disinterested.

[SideNote: I stopped attending church at seventeen when I realised I believed humans should fundamentally treat each other with decency and respect (as actual Jesus taught), but I disagreed about ‘original sin’, Satan & hell’s existence and Jesus -aka late Roman empire onwards western religion- being the sole path to ‘salvation’/ heaven.]

My Asexuality at High School

It may not surprise you that I was also sexually oblivious. By my last year of high school, sometimes my friends would laugh or think I was being very cheeky when I said things I thought were innocuous. I had no idea they were interpreting my choice of words in a sexual context.

Some good friends began to recognise this. They would tell me I was being ‘dirty’ and gaze patiently and knowingly at me, often with a smile, until I made the connection. Then I’d be appalled by their sexual mis-interpretation and a bit embarrassed the first few times. But they kept up it and I’d just burst out laughing and swear at them and they would laugh with me.

In hindsight, my high school friends may have noticed I was asexual before I did. They made my lack of sexual awareness part of the humour we shared and our bond. I would call it a positive experience. I felt acknowledged as different and accepted.

No one asked questions, because my lack of awareness —and by extension interest— was obvious. And I was very much one of those teens who was just myself, just different from a lot of people in so many ways (I now use labels: asexual, aromantic, nonbinary and neurodivergent). My friends loved me as I was and my asexuality didn’t really come up outside that circle.

Lack of Sexual & Romantic Feeling

Up until now I’d had ‘crushes’. You know, when you’re attracted to someone’s personality and looks and feel a bit funny in the tummy when they’re around? But that was all. I liked talking to those boys. In hindsight, I could happily have been friends with them. But when one offered me his hand to hold one day, I wasn’t fussed. When he flashed me his chest across the classroom, I took a good solid moment to notice that under his grinning face was his hands, and they were holding up his shirt. And I thought, ‘Ah. You have a six pack. That’s nice. Good for you.’

I just hadn’t experienced sexual attraction, or desire, or even the romantic desire to hold someone’s hand. Kissing scenes in movies confused me, because people would look at each other and then just kiss for no reason. As I started watching more adult television, it was the same thing with sex. They’d just start making out and taking each other’s clothes off for no reason. (To this day, rarely do I see kissing or sex scenes coming unless its a slow burn).

So Dating?

During high school I happily ‘decided to focus on my studies’ instead of boys. I was aware —it was obvious by the final year, when a lot of my friends had girlfriends or boyfriends— that having a romantic and sexual partner was the norm. All fiction and media and my every experience of society told me ‘you will want and seek and find someone to love and have sex with and be your partner in life.’ So at this time, when a friend said she was ‘focusing on her studies’, that was a happy excuse for me not to have to think about romance or dating or sex —because why would I? They didn’t interest me.

Asexuality at University

The excuse of ‘focusing on my studies’ could apply here. And I did have one crush at Uni. But by now I was aware that it was just an excuse. The idea of having a partner sounded nice, but I was fascinated by studying archaeology, writing epic fantasy (the seeds that later grew into the tree that is my debut Ruarnon Trilogy). And I just mostly wasn’t meeting anyone I fancied dating. And it didn’t occur to me to bother spending time seeking them.

So I shelved the ideas of romance and sex both, finished my bachelor of Arts, did Honours in archaeology, realised my dream of travel in Europe and Egypt, then did a Dip Ed.

Asexuality & Alienation From Allosexuals

I lost touch (swiftly) with my allosexual and romantically attracted high school friends when I finished high school. It was sad, but they’d often hang out with their partners, and be all couplesy and all that final year I just felt like we were drifting down completely different paths in life. I didn’t relate to their romantic or sexual attraction, their desire to be with partners etc. I couldn’t connect with them and their partner with me and my (nonexistent) partner. It isn’t easy to be that one single person in a friendship group that’s largely made up of couples.

But Uni was great. I quickly befriended a bunch of single people and at one time had a friendship group. Only four of us did honours in archaeology at my university and that became a friendship group of two (which sadly didn’t last much beyond Uni). And in my first overseas trip: I went on a Contiki tour and met lots of other single people. It wouldn’t be until my 2014 Contiki tour that I made (single) friends I’ve since stayed in touch with on social media and travelled with elsewhere. But it was the beginning of ‘finding my people’ and social circle among single people.

Asexuality as an Adult

Then I was a first year primary school teacher, renting my own two bedroom house in the countryside. I was feeling independent and challenged by teaching (having no idea how disorganised, distractible and what a hyper active —undiagnosed of course— ADHDer I was its astounding I did well those first years!) Teaching took all of my energy. The first serious, major rounds of edits of my epic fantasy took up the rest.

Have You Tried Online Dating?

I bet aromantic, and quite a few asexual people have heard this question A LOT. The allosexual, romantically attracted population (most of humanity) all seem to assume (as the media, fiction, society etc assumes) that EVERYONE wants someone to love and have sex with and be their partner in life. And when you’re in your late twenties and are showing no sign of seeking that person out, you can get a lot of encouragement to do so online.

So I did. I reached the point of intellectual curiosity about the human experience that I decided dating was something to explore. I joined a site and read testimonies of people ‘excited to wake up and see their daily matches’ with either disbelief or “Yah-NAH!” (which is Aussie for definitely not). I found looking at men’s profiles boring. (It may have been interesting if nonbinary was a thing and I could browse nonbinary profiles too, but cis men profiles bored me).

So I just let men message me because it was a boring waste of my time so why put energy into online dating? Someone did find me. We messaged and went on a few dates. I liked him.

I Don’t Reciprocate (Romantically or Sexually)

I was twenty seven by now. That nagging suspicion I’d had in high school when boys liked me that they always liked me more than I liked them was about to become clear. He was more attracted me. He was sexually attracted to me. He was very attracted to me as a person.

He wanted to hold my hand, kiss me and had I been happy to, he would have happily had sex with me early on. Holding hands was nice. Kissing was nice. Hugging was nice. But it wasn’t much more than that for me emotionally. I was still at the point of starting to like him. I didn’t mind receiving affection, but I didn’t have the emotional connection or desire to initiate it at this stage. It might me MONTHS before I liked, let alone loved him enough for that.

And it was very clear he was sexually attracted to me and that I wasn’t sexually attracted to him. He clearly liked sex, but I wasn’t ready to go there any time soon. And he was fine with that and happy to slow down.

Dating was fun, dizzying and it was interesting trying something new. But it was clear from the outset that in no respect did I feel as strongly about him. That I didn’t connect with him the way he connected with me. And it occurred to me that I may not do so. That perhaps I don’t work that way. That my suspicion relationships with men would, as I wondered as a teen, just break their hearts.

Single Life

I was lucky. He got a job he’d wanted for a long time, one that meant he’d be out of town for two thirds of the year. And we’d been talking online for two months before dating because he’d been out of town then. He was happy to keep seeing me, but it was up to me. Luckily, while much of the above wasn’t very clear to me yet, it was clear that with long distance dating I’d take ages to get to know him. That I’d rather do that in-person and wasn’t interested in a long distance relationship. So we went our separate ways on amicable terms.

What’s Next On my Bucket List?

Yep, that was my first thought when I stopped seeing the guy. I’d satiated my curiosity about dating, got a little bit of personal insight into romantic relationships, sexual attraction, romantic affection etc. I’d enhanced my capacity to relate to most of the rest of humanity. I was ready to delete my dating profile and focus my life on other things.

Which was great, because I got severe burnout that forth year of reapplying for another one year teaching contract —at that time a highly competitive, rigorous process. I moved to England to teach, travel and write epic fantasy on holidays for two years. I came to back to Australia to teach and went to New Zealand to do the same, flew home because it was 2020 and lived and taught back in Australia again.

To my surprise, I met someone else I found very attractive. Mature, smart, passionate about life, energetic and who shared my love of children. And I wondered, would I ever want to be more than best friends with this person? And I answered myself; I don’t think so. Hypothetically, would I ever want to have sex with them? And I realised; I would if they initiated it and wanted to. But circumstances (note I kept switching countries from 2014-2020) didn’t see us together and that was ok.

How My Asexual, Aromantic Life Looks Now

I’m not someone who feels romantic or sexual attraction. I don’t generally desire physical affection either. I don’t mind receiving it and I might hug people goodbye if everyone else is. But mainly I just hug my parents when I visit them and don’t feel the need to hug or be held by anyone (though it might have been nice during Long covid and Fibromalgia crashes, as being held or having my back stroked ease the feeling of fire those two conditions could cause in my back).

I don’t experience sexual desire (or any form of arousal —unless I stumble across a tv show/ book I like for other reasons that I didn’t realise would get that spicy or someone else tries to seduce me —its a rare and bold man who takes on that challenge!)

I’m as happily single as I’ve always been, with single (and yes, quite possibly also asexual and aromantic) housemates, single friends, and lots of writer friends I can interact with one on one online, without my not-being-part-of-a-couple getting in the way of our social connection.

Wherever my fellow aces lie on the asexual spectrum, and however much our experiences and exact asexual identities may differ, I’ve hope you’ve found a similar place of contentment socially (romantically and or sexually if you do either) and in your social circle.

I’m Thinking…

Hyper Focus

For me, hyper focus is a very important strategy that enabled me to have a teaching career and ADHD at the same time. What I didn’t notice in this section of the blog back in 2021 was how much I like hyper focusing on topics of particular interest, or special interests —a classic autistic trait.

What’s the Point?

Why be on time for class, so I can line up outside, wait for everyone else to enter and sit down slowly and get zero benefits for having got out of bed a bit earlier? If you want me to do something —tell me why. The fact you want me to do it doesn’t motivate me. The fact you were my parent or teacher and even now, the fact alone that its my boss asking doesn’t motivate me.

Intrinsic motivation for me is not conforming to other people’s expectations, their wants, being obedient or doing anything purely because someone asked. I care about, I want to understand, I am motivated by WHY. Tell me how it benefits people —students, colleagues, my boss, me —anybody— or how it makes my work more productive, or easier, or safer or whatever. That’s what motivates me. I don’t know anyone else so strongly motivated by being told why.

The most likely explanation I’ve found at this time for ‘why?’ being so important: the autistic tendency to excel at logical reasoning, which may be more important than or even compensate for intuition in decision making (source on this).

Logic and Decision Making

Deleting my Twitter account was initially an emotional decision, because I had so many friends and writer contacts there. But as the account with a violence against Jews handle was repeatedly reported and found to ‘not violate Twitter’s safety policies’, and the Australian esafety commissioner fined Musk for failing to meet minimum child protection standards, the site became increasing dysfunctional and un-usable, the word ‘cis’ was banned… how could anyone NOT delete their account? How could decent humans ignore reason and divorce their actions from their consciences like this?

Guess what? Turns out excelling at logical thought and reasoning, and a strong sense of social justice are autistic tendencies.

I’m coming to realise that for people choosing to stay on Twitter, its likely an emotional decision about not wanting to lose friends they have there. If only all my friends could leave based on logic and reason and then we could all have migrated together and not got separated! GAH!

(I understand people who chose differently on perhaps an intellectual level here, but as you can see my own emotional reasoning takes me in the opposite direction, because my emotions are a response to the logic of the situation, not an emotional, direct response to the situation itself.).

Why did you change that?

Earlier this year I was in casual teaching. Before doing so, I had to answer the question: are you prepared to be called in to work on the day, or only to be booked in advance?

I have (while living in England) woken up to a phone call, looked up how to access a school I’ve never been to before via public transport and rushed off to work. I can do that. But the relief I felt on being texted a list of dates, and comparing them to my (physical) calendar to check my availability and getting to text back with ‘Yes I am available on those dates’ in a text message?

That’s my autistic love of structure, order, routine. I like predictability telling me what will happen and when, giving me time to mentally adjust to the fact its coming. In this case I liked it to fit work days around medical appointments and moving house, and writing novels and socialising around work.

So heads up, if you know a neurodivergent person (especially someone who’s autistic): don’t spring sudden changes on them! Sudden change is stressful. It often needs to be processed faster than I’m capable of processing it. And if you’re the parents of an autistic child: always give them an idea of how long they can do that thing they love, that they must pack up in five minutes, in two minutes, now! Sudden change is bad!

Memory

Before Twitter became fascist zombie land, (yeah, being blunt is also an autistic tendency and sometimes I just think fuck sensoring my language into neurotypical, I’m calling this shit as I see it), I knew SO MANY writers by name. I recalled at least one genre SO MANY of them wrote. I did make lists to help me, and now do so on Bsky, but my memory was unusual.

Which is clearest when I tell you my ADHD hates making notes about my multi character, complex plot, epic fantasy novels. So I just edit whole novels multiple times. I do my consistency edits of 100k novels in three days, because reading them that close together lets me just remember compass points on their journey, or that character mentioned something seven chapters ago clashing with this chapter’s mention of it.

In some ways my memory is terrible: see ADHD’s impact on working memory. But in others its excellent, and the excellent ways tend to align with autistic tendencies.

Sensory Needs

Its Too Bright

I was once co-teaching and noticed that when the other teacher was teaching, I kept looking at the wall away from the children. That’s because it was blue, and calming and not cluttered with teaching charts. When that teacher went on leave and it became my classroom, I spent 45 minutes pinning A3 sheets of pastel purple over the lurid colours of the wall children sat beside, and took down most charts (I didn’t use them anyway).

That was the most obvious instance in my life of; dude, you have sensory issues! Certain colours, and brightness/ tone are so uncomfortable I don’t want to look at them (and yes, will spend forty five minutes covering them up).

Its Too Loud

The other obvious sensory issue my whole life has been sound. The number of times a repetitive noise has continued until it distracts and frustrates me and I verbally complain and no one else in the room can hear it…

Until getting chronically ill, I was a light sleeper. Possum lands on the roof? I wake up. Car drives over speed bump outside my house? Wake up. Someone walks down the corridor, opens a door, uses the shower in the bathroom next to my room… I bought earplugs when a housemate was getting up at 5.50am because I would wake when he open his door opened (it scrapped across his carpet) and not get to sleep until he shut the front door (it was deadlock only and impossible to turn quietly.)

Sensory sensitivity (which can also be to smell, taste and texture, all of which bother me a lot less) is another classic autistic trait.

Other Areas

Difficulty Maintaining Friendships & Holding Down Employment

This wasn’t an easy one to evaluate, because I move house (sometimes countries) every couple of years. I change work places just as often (these are classic ADHD novelty seeking behaviours). But I didn’t realise holding employment and maintaining friendships are also common autistic struggles.

The one year contract was my bane as a teacher. My ADHD swiftly got fed up with the same time-consuming, repetitive routine of annually re-applying for my job because my contract had finished. That made things hit harder, and is why I figured why not teach overseas? Employment is no longer enough incentive to go through several weeks of lots of work and stress to get the same outcome annually (employment). There’s your autistic logic, running away with the ADHD quest for novelty. My difficulty in spotting both is that at moments like these, they ran hand in hand.

Creativity

I was the ‘in their own world child.’ My author bio mentions ‘graduating from playing imaginary games to writing fantasy.’ This is very much true. While fascination with facts is known as a typical autism trait in children by teachers, it was news to me that an interest in fantasy worlds can also be an autistic trait.

What Now?

Since moving house, I’m selling off things I don’t use and have purchased matching crockery and glassware, to reduce visual sensory overload at home. I also de-clutter my classroom where possible. I ask clarifying questions when needed at work, to help me piece together the too-many pieces of information people are telling me and extract the speaker’s intended meaning from them.

I tell colleagues when I can’t keep up with the professional conversation and again ask clarifying questions as needed. Ultimately, in conversation and meeting sensory needs, I give myself space to be comfortable, my neurodiverse self –autistic and ADHD-istic– and to succeed as such.

Engaging Readers (of Your Novel)

August 15, 2024 / Elise Carlson / 0 Comments

I’ve had a few reading experiences where I felt pushed out of the story. Where story ideas were interesting and I wanted to sink my teeth in, but the way the writer told the story and wrote the characters kept pushing me back to arm’s length (or further). So this blog aims to give examples of ways you can let your reader access your characters emotionally, logically, and enable the reader to properly join your characters on the journey your story takes them on. It aims to get you thinking about engaging readers more deeply in your story.

I’ll given advice on positioning your readers so they aren’t chasing after your characters asking, ‘WHAT?’ ‘WHY?’ and so your readers don’t find your characters every action unconvincing. I’ll try to help you show your reader how your characters feel, think and are developing. And to foreshadow events and build your story into a journey on which it makes and keeps satisfying promises to the reader.

Ground Zero

Characters & Status

There are a few simple ways to let the reader truly see and get to know your characters. First: show their emotions. Don’t only let the reader know what your character says to their boss. They can’t be their entirely honest, true self to the boss, they’ll be constrained by professionalism, their ambitions in their workplace, job insecurity, workplace politics etc.

So have your main character spend some time with a friend/ partner/ family member they trust, and can be completely honest with (throughout the novel –when possible). What your character shares of their thoughts and feelings, and how they express both in the presence of people they trust will show us things we cannot see when your character is at work.

Similarly, where relevant, show how your character interacts with people of higher rank, or possessing different and or greater forms of power (in any relevant setting to your story). Show when and how your character must hold their tongue, or restrain their emotions or reactions, or conform to others expectations because they lack position or power relative to others.

Who is your MC among their equals, their superiors and those less fortunate than themself?
All of those situations can reveal different aspects of your main characters to your reader.

Showing Feelings & Developing Feelings

Thoughts That Heighten Feelings

Don’t have your character make a single comment that suggests to the reader they’re angry, then have them punch someone in the face. Give us some internal thoughts (internally or via dialogue) to show the build up of emotion (unless you’re writing an emotionally unstable or extremely on edge character who goes from zero to ten on the temper scale in two seconds).

Example:

Why was it always Jorgen who got the nasty, most disgusting jobs? The ones that took the most effort and time to complete? While everyone else came in out of the cold early, put their feet up and got an extra serve of meat soup, Jorgen was shovelling shit and shivering in the cold.

The shovel in Jorgen’s hands stilled. He was falling behind in his studies. It was all the extra work. While he groomed the fine stallion nibbling straw opposite him, and mucked out its stables, his older siblings were racing ahead, towards better jobs. As each of them completed their studies and departed to jobs and lives of their choosing, who would be left behind, stuck doing extra chores in a life he increasingly resented?

The shovel fell, as Jorgen roared and charged out of the stables, headless of the horse dung flicking up in his wake.

Non-Verbal Emotion Cues

This is important. A book lacking emotion cues can also keep characters at arms length from the reader. So show characters feelings with nonverbal cues. The way the oldest sibling rolls their eyes dismissively as Jorgen makes his case. The second eldest crossing their arms as they protest that washing up the dishes and foodscraps is also yucky. The way the third sibling eyes the hem of their immaculate clothes, not even bothering to look at Jorgen as they dismiss his protests with the statement ‘everyone does chores.’

Have Jorgen pause his shovel as he realises who’s got the short end of the straw. Have him drop it when he realises everyone’s using him, right now and always. Then have him charge out of the freezing stables and into the warm kitchen, where no one really listens or seems to care about him or his point of view. Then, having emotionally engaged the reader by showing them everyone’s feelings along the way, when Jorgen’s most arrogant sibling tells him “we all do things we don’t like, suck it up” the reader will totally understand why Jorgen punches the arrogant snot in the face (and quite possibly cheers him on as he does so).

Side Character Agenda

Don’t reserve agendas for the MC and major players in the plot. While the agents of the Intergalactic Police confront a crime wave of chemical weapon sales (and potential attacks), you can still have the MC’s little brother searching for his missing cat. Why knows, maybe the cat is onto something, and in finding the cat, the little brother will lead their older agent sibling to a major clue in locating the lab that produces the illegal weapons, bringing him that much closer to said criminals and shutting down their illegal trade?

Giving your side characters goals gives them the opportunity to grow and develop independently of the role they play in helping your MC. By giving them a life outside of the MC’s bidding, and in making side character’s more fully rounded people, you make your story richer, more authentic and a more enjoyable experience for readers.

Character Internal Development

Please be very aware of the emotional and mental state in which your MC (and supporting cast) begin the story. Of the skills they possess, their social and technological and any other relevant competencies they have. Be aware of how these things and their relationships with other characters grow and change for the MC (and supporting cast) to achieve goals and solve the story problem.

Track these things throughout the story (especially when editing, if like me you’re a pantser). This isn’t just to show the reader how your character strives to change for the better or to strengthen their relationships to the solve the plot problem. Its not just about positioning the reader to share the character’s inner journey and cheer them on and provide the reader with a sense of payoff when the characters finally succeed in their goals. Showing the reader how characters and relationships develop also helps you avoid sudden, unexplained leaps in confidence and ability. Sudden changes (even inconsistencies) in character can confuse the reader, make characters seem implausible to them and ultimately pull the reader out of the story.

Story Foreshadowing & Tension

If you’re writing SFF, Thriller, Crime or Historical in particular, and don’t bother much with foreshadowing —you are killing your story’s tension. As a reader, I want to know what could happen next. My favourite authors, like Robert Jordan and Steve Erikson will suggest via world building and character interactions that two different events could unfold. Then they will lead me down a third path I never saw coming and I will love them for it.

But when a writer tells me there’s a spaceship that a side character can repair for everyone to escape in, then at the twelfth hour characters discover a secret tunnel and everyone escapes through it.. I wasn’t expecting that. I had no sense of anticipation, so I couldn’t be satisfied when my anticipation was fulfilled. I didn’t even know that was an option, so I may be initially confused, instead of satisfied by the way a story problem has suddenly and unexpectedly been solved (in a pulling-me-out-of-the-story way).

As a reader of primarily SFF, the bare minimum I want is Granny built a secret tunnel and no one has seen her for months. So when she does appear, having extended her secret tunnel into the prison cell just before everyone’s execution, her appearance doesn’t pull me out of the story. But if you want me to be really excited to see Granny, show me her struggles to dig fast enough. Let me hear her worries the tunnel exit will come out in the wrong place. If you do that alongside characters fretting as they probe a cell with no possibility of escape and the execution is at dawn and the pale grey of first light is creeping across the cell floor like the ax that’s about to chop off their heads… now I’m feeling the tension!

Tracking Foreshadowing

This is also important. Because if you mention Granny vanishing in chapter one, rumours she’s digging a mysterious tunnel no one quite know’s where in chapter six, then she breaks into the cell to save the day in chapter thirty two… by then I forgot this story had a granny. I’ve forgotten where she is and what she’s doing (unless nothing much happened in chapters seven to thirty two).

So when you’re doing a structural edit, take note of how early you show the reader story facts that will be crucial later. Notice how often you remind the reader of those facts. And check in with your critical readers if they recalled those facts, and the foreshadowing did prepare them for what was coming, and help them enjoy it, even if like Jordan and Erikson you manage to take the story down that third path, making a use of those facts beyond your readers anticipation.

Character Foreshadowing

This is something I’ve enjoyed in films in the last decade or so. I’m noticing more films where a side character has what seems to be a random hobby, and that interest or skill turns out to be crucial to assisting the MC in the finale. So again, if you have side or unlikely characters playing crucial roles in the end, track when and how often you incidentally remind the reader of their skills/ knowledge. When it helps the MC save the day, you want the reader to feel rewarded for paying attention and not pulled out of the story by a side character doing something they didn’t realise the side character could do.

Third Party Development In Stories

This might be an organisation in a contemporary or historical story, or a city, race or empire in SFF. As with your side characters, be wary of under-developing your third parties. I don’t just want to know Sarah’s Sewing repairs clothes. I’d like to know she has access to rare and expensive fabrics no other seamstress has, which may have come from the black market.

As a reader of my own book, I wouldn’t be satisfied if the book just showed the Zaldeans as toxically masculine warmongers. Given that the lead warmongers betray their peace-loving king by trying to manipulate him to war; I want to know what drives them. What does war give them other than the promise of glory? It gives them the opportunity for governorships —political power, and personal estates —wealth. It gives middle ranking men the chance to trade with new markets, where their goods are rarer, and they can charge more and make more money.

Don’t just tell me what the head of the third party/ organisation/ country wants. Show me what’s in it for everyone. Show me what lengths these contagonists or antagonists are prepared to go to, to further their own goals. Show me why its so important to them to achieve their goals.

Why? Because letting me as the reader see what drives the baddies and the characters who get in the way as well as I see the ‘goodies’ ramps up tension. It makes me get more emotionally invested in the story.

I confess, I did laugh reading one of Brandon Sanderson’s characters in the Stormlight archives answering the question, ‘How did all this start?’ with something like, “Other people had stuff and we wanted it.” Yes, in war that’s often what it boils down to. But the more layers you give the agendas of characters on all sides of any conflict, the more tension there is, the more emotionally invested the reader is; the more emotional pay off we get when the story problem is resolved!

LGBTQIA+ Visibility

Writing Diverse Characters LGBTQIA+ will cover; general advice on referring to humans’ gender and romantic/sex lives in a queer inclusive way, that doesn’t perpetuate the myth of heteronormativity. It will offer suggestions on writing that queer rep that is visibly inclusive of a range of LGBTQIA+ identities, avoiding erasure, and some tips on writing authentic LGBTQIA+ representation.

Inclusive Language

As a child, I assumed books referring to ‘humans’ were talking about men, women and children. By around age eight (in the 1990’s), I became aware that history was mostly written about men, by men, for men. Meanwhile most news was about men and lo and behold, men were the usual main characters in fiction. I grew up in a world that frequently ignored, omitted and when it got away with it, excluded women, let alone the entire LGBTQIA+ community.

Now I write as a nonbinary, asexual, aromantic person who mostly encounters fiction which ignores, excludes and appears mostly oblivious to the existence of my gender and sexuality. This is why I want writers to make conscious word choices, which allow people of any gender or sexual orientation to see themselves in your writing and to perceive themselves as belonging in the world of your fiction. So I’ll start there, before looking at writing specific queer identities.

Gender Inclusive Phrasing

In How Not To Write Diverse Characters, I mentioned the inherent bias and prejudice of the world in which we have all been raised. In relation to perceiving gender in books, there’s the still the chance readers will assume your use of the words; ‘doctors’, ‘police,’ ‘lawyers,’ ‘scientists,’ ‘soldiers’ and jobs in historically male-dominated fields refer to men. Conversely, they may assume your ‘teachers’ and ‘nurses’ are women and that no term refers to nonbinary people.

To get around this, I suggest also using gendered nouns when referring to people whose job title readers may assume refer to men. In my Ruarnon Trilogy, the umbrella term for nonbinary genders is ‘midlun.’ So when referring to soldiers, I refer to ‘men, women and midluns’. In our world, you could refer to ‘men women and nonbinary people.’ Explicitly mentioning nonbinary people has the added bonus of implying that ‘men’ and ‘women’ both very much include trans men and trans women.

LGBTQIA+ Sexuality Inclusive Writing

This is simple. A character mentions having a crush on someone, dating someone, finding someone attractive or having a partner. Do you have other characters respond using gender neutral language, until they know the pronouns/ gender of the love interest/ partner?

This is not just gender diverse inclusive by not assigning gender on the basis of names. Its acknowledging that people of any gender can be attracted to any gender and that gay, lesbian, bi and pansexual identities exist and it challenges the idea that cis/heterosexual is the ‘norm.’

Your characters use of gender neutral language in reference to, and their interest in the love interest/partner suggests and normalise those characters acceptance of gay, lesbian, bisexual and pansexual relationships. A small gesture from you as a writer, that can mean a lot to readers within the LGBTQIA+ community.

Everyday Situations to Show Gender Inclusion

Gendered Bathrooms & Clothes Shops

If you’re a cis, binary gender writer, you may not yet feel ready to (having researched us), include nonbinary characters in your cast. But you can acknowledge the existence of nonbinary people, and help the world realise we exist without doing that.

Little things, like having a toilet with an icon of a person half in a dress and half in pants to signal a gender neutral toilet. Or including ‘Mx.’ as on option for titles in paperwork your characters fill in. Hell, you could go wild and have a department store with a gender neutral clothing section instead of Ladies-wear and Mens-ware only! (I would LOOOOOVVVVE this! Why on earth does clothing almost ALWAYs ‘have’ to be sold by binary gender? GAH!)

Gender Inclusive Character Introductions

Again, even if you have no trans or nonbinary characters, when characters meet new people in your fiction, have them mention their pronouns as well as their names. Having someone say, “Hey, I’m Tom, he/him” acknowledges that just because Tom’s biological sex is likely male doesn’t mean he is therefore, necessarily male. And when you stop assuming that, you signal the possibility that trans and nonbinary people exist. Suddenly we’re no longer invisible in the world of your writing.

Not Being Exclusive

Gender Roles/ Gendered Jobs

Try to be conscious of situations where characters take on gender roles, or are divided and required to act by gender. I don’t just mean go beyond sexist, heteronormative tropes like dad is the breadwinner, and mum is stay at home housewife (cue vomit). Be conscious of fields and jobs in our world (like front line soldiers, or in the Australian conservative political party, cabinet ministers) where women tend to be excluded and men to dominate.

If you’re going to have female sex workers, have male ones. Female strippers? Where are the naked men? Housewife? Where’s the house husband? Why are all the presidents men? Write more male teachers, nurses and happy, healthy fathers! Write women soldiers/ crime bosses, presidents etc. Have nonbinary characters do literally any job under the sun; because if we’re out, we’re not going to let biological sex get in our way!

Bottom line; consciously avoid limiting roles by gender! (Unless its your plot/ historical, BUT some people have ALWAYS defied binary gender norms –look at women pirates of the 19th and 20th centuries, for eg.)

Gender and Traditional Culture

In My Big Fat Wedding 3, there’s a scene where the bride asks women to line up on one side of the room and copy her dance, and the groom asks men to line up on his side and copy his dance. And I thought, but what will the nonbinary character do?

First they danced with the men and did the men’s dance. Then they switched to the women’s side and did the women’s dance. The other dancers were visibly fine with this. Its a great example of how characters in your story may adhere to traditional gender norms, but there can still be a place for gender nonconforming characters.

So if you have traditional gender roles in your writing, how will you create space for nonbinary and gender nonconforming people to exist in your fictional world?

Gendered Magic Systems

I’m a BIG fan of Wheel of Time and well aware it was written before it occurred to nonbinary people such as myself that we needn’t accept ill-fitting binary pronouns, nor conform to binary norms, nor had even heard the word ‘nonbinary’. So I don’t feel left out when women wield Saidar, and men wield Saidin and nonbinary people don’t seem to exist in the world the wheel weaves. But if you’re writing now, and planning a gendered magic system —don’t forget to think carefully how you’ll include gender nonconforming people!

How I Included Gender Diversity in Magic Orders

In my third novel (War in Sorcery’s Shadow), magic and its wielders live in hiding. Children who can wield magic are taught by secret organisations. Sorcery being first mastered during a sexist age, and used in violence against women, Luvaras Priests (Luvaras being god of sorcery) teach boys magic, and Luvaras Priestesses created a safe space to teach girls magic separately.

But if magical education is binary gendered, and gendered behaviours are encouraged because of the gender segregation of magical learning, what about kids who aren’t binary male or female? Who teaches them? So came a third order, The Devoted, adults of various nonbinary genders who educate children of similar identities. Unbound by binary notions of gender, these tend to be the most flexible, and some of the most highly skilled sorcerers on Umarinaris. (Also because many of them are neurodiverse, and or physically disabled).

My point being: consider situations where a scene may divide your characters by gender, and consciously create a space for nonbinary and gender nonconforming characters to be present as their authentic selves.

Situations where people relate to one another, select their clothes and otherwise behave according to binary gender ‘norms’ are when I feel most like a bystander, a visitor passing through (yes, I relate to Dr Who in this) in life and fiction. Its a big disconnect I’ve felt my whole life. And spending a moment to phrase a sentence gender inclusively, or mention a minor character’s nonbinary existence in passing can easily change that disconnection for your gender-nonconforming readers to a feeling of inclusion.

Writing Visible Trans Characters

I assume if you’re still reading, I assume you disagree with US states legislating gender diverse people out of existence and are concerned about respectfully representing trans people in your fiction. I’ve spoken to writers who’ve said, ‘I write my trans woman as a woman, because she’s a woman, but how do I show that she’s trans?’
If you don’t indicate she’s trans, let alone show it clearly, there’s every chance she’ll be cis-washed by cis readers who assume she’s yet another cis woman.

Trans Visibility

If your character has socially (and perhaps medically) transitioned and is living their best life presenting as their gender identity, how do you indicate that they are indeed trans? How do you respectfully let trans readers see themselves on the page and acknowledge and normalise the existence of trans characters in your writing? How do you do so in a way that feels natural to the story and doesn’t come across as forced?

It could be as simple as a pronoun slip. A character refers to your trans/ nonbinary character by the wrong binary pronoun, then apologises and corrects the pronoun. If the pronoun change occurred in recent years, you could even have another character comment about, ‘we’re all learning’, to indicate that characters are still adjusting to the trans character’s social transition.

What if you want to be more explicit, and ensure that trans presences in your work are indeed seen, and not cis-gender washed? You could go further, as Dr Who did with Donna’s trans daughter Rose. In a scene where boys are teasing Rose as she enters her house, Donna’s mother says to Donna, ‘They didn’t pick on him when he was– sorry.’ Thus Rose’s trans identity is explicitly shown, in a respectful manner.

For more on writing trans characters, see this great advice by Charlie Jane.

Nonbinary Visibility

This can also be as simple to reveal as a pronoun slip. When my nonbinary character Ruarnon meets a foreign dignitary who refers to Ruarnon as ‘he’, Ruarnon’s advisor says, ‘their Benevelonce uses they.’ For people who are ‘up’ with pronouns, its clear we’re dealing with a nonbinary character.

The catch is, I came out as nonbinary in 2020 and had a complete stranger politely respond to my public request to be referred to as they/them by saying, ‘I’m not sure what that means.’ This amounted to, ‘I don’t know what ‘nonbinary’ means.’ My family and colleagues response was pretty much, ‘We like/ love you, but we don’t really get what nonbinary is.’

So how can writers explicitly and respectfully signal that a character is nonbinary (and perhaps what that could mean)? And how will this be relevant to the story?

Nonbinary Visibility and Inclusive Language

This is where inclusive language choices come in. When you are referring to a crowd, consider how you refer not just to ‘men and women’ or ‘ladies and gentleman.’ In my Ruarnon Trilogy, I invented a word for nonbinary (midlun) and when naming genders I state; men, women AND midluns.

If there’s a show, consider ‘ladies, gentlemen and friends beyond the binary,’ or if you’re North American, ‘guys, gals and nonbinary pals.’ Consider, ‘colleagues,’ ‘friends’, ‘folks’, ‘people’ or a gender inclusive term instead of ‘ladies’ when its a group of women and one nonbinary person, or vice versa with men. (Every time people at work address me and female colleagues as ‘ladies’ I have to remind myself that they include me in that term, because I’ve never seen myself in it and would otherwise feel excluded by it).

Beyond that, if your they/them has a beard and is wearing a dress, or doesn’t wear make up when everyone else expects them to, or pairs a ‘men’s’ top with a ‘women’s’ skirt or makes gender ambiguous clothing choices —we’ll get the picture. Especially with gender inclusive language and nonbinary pronouns in use (whether it be they/them pronouns or neo pronouns like ne/nir).

Asexual Visibility

Again, I’m flagging this individually as a lesser known queer identity, in this case one the asexuals I know often feel writers get wrong. A common mistake seems to labelling a character as ‘asexual’ and then having them behave like an allosexual person. If you want to write an asexual character, the first thing you need to do is know that asexual (like ‘nonbinary’) is an umbrella term and will present in different ways for different asexual people.

So when it comes to actually showing an asexual character, you might show them date someone and become very emotionally attached before showing any signs of being sexually attracted to them (demisexual). You may have a character who will read/ view a sex scene but expresses disinterest in having sex with another person (aegosexual). You may write a character who expresses no interest in sexual or romantic relationships and is perfectly content with the platonic relationships in their life (*waves in aromantic asexual*).

If you don’t know much about asexuality or writing asexual characters, The Asexual Awareness and Education Centre is a good place to start.

Bi and Pansexual Visibility

To step out of my lane for a moment, don’t be the heterosexual writer who writes ‘bisexual’ or ‘pansexual’ characters who only ever demonstrate attraction to, or interest in, the opposite biological sex. Absolutely, your bisexual or pansexual character could be a woman in a long-term, monogamous relationship with a man, or vice versa (and yes, still totally bi/ pan). But if you only write that character attracted to or showing interest in people of the opposite biological sex (and their life isn’t endangered by demonstrating queer attraction); you’re mislabelling a heterosexual character ‘bisexual/ pansexual’/ or just plain misrepresenting bi/pansexual people.

Writing outside your identity means writing outside your personal life experience. It means questioning every assumption and thing you personally consider ‘normal’. For queer identities, this can mean throwing everything you know/ assume/ have personally experienced about gender, sexual and romantic attraction out the window. Don’t forget to step out of your shoes, before trying to step into those of a character from a different identity to yours.

Queer Character and Relationship Visibility & Queer Normative

If you haven’t explicitly decided whether settings in your book are going to be queer normative, queer positive or trans/homophobic, now is the time to decide. Will it be safe for recognisably queer couples to engage in public displays of affection? Will your same-sex couples dance intimately together on the public dance floor? Will they kiss at sunset on the beach? Will you have a same-sex married couple(s) or marriage?

What spaces are publicly out trans and nonbinary people seen and known to occupy? Which positions and which institutions are trans, nobinary and recognisable characters of all LGBTQIA+ identities employed in? The level of LGBTQIA+ normativeness/ acceptance etc can be clearly indicated by these things. (Same can be asked and shown of women characters and levels of sexism in your society).

Queer Normative Representation in Speculative Fiction

If you’re writing speculative fiction, this is where you can say ‘yes’ to all of the above. Heck, you can write a world where whenever a character mentions being attracted to someone or having a partner, no one makes assumptions about that person’s gender.

You can write a world in which no one refers to a child using binary pronouns until that child has decided and articulated which pronouns fit them (and in which everyone respects that child changing their mind, because its for the individual to identify their gender, not for society to impose gender on anyone).

If only the heterosexual couple get to kiss, you’ve normalised that, but are you also normalising the idea that queer couples don’t (or shouldn’t) display affection for each other? Or are you writing a queer couple in a way that homophobic readers can easily interpret as ‘just friends’, thus erasing their queer identities?

If you genuinely want to write inclusively I’m sure the above is not your intention. The problem is the above interpretations align with age-old prejudices and are easy for readers to make, if there is a double standard in how you present marginalised vs. non-marginalised sexualities. So be conscious of times when you treat a marginalised character differently (in anyway, full stop), how you’re treating them differently and clear on your purpose in doing so.

Inclusive Fiction Examples

My Big Fat Greek Wedding 3 has a nonbinary mayor who is the epitome of queer joy, and a perfect example of letting a character be their authentic queer self and other characters being cool with it.

Umbrella Academy (Netflix) has a trans and a nonbinary pansexual main character, who just happen to be two of seven siblings at the centre of the world’s destruction. Its also in the ‘be gay, do crime’ genre, trans Victor being very troubled and destructive, and Klaus a (recovering) drug addict. This is a great example of how when characters just happen to be marginalised, they can also happen to be anything else. (Fall of the House of Usher takes ‘be gay, do crime’ to even greater extremes, though serious dark horror warning on that one).

Imperfects (Netflix) does double duty with an asexual character whose sexuality is initially shown through her taste in skin-covering, not-too-clingy clothing, who’s romantically attracted to women.

People To Help You Write The Other

Find Sensitivity Readers or Editors

Bisexual/ Pansexual/ Fluidity Sensitivity Readers Spreadsheet (lists emails of 100+ sensitivity readers, courtesy of @saltandsagebook).

As with other marginalised identities, post on whichever social media you use, and or search posts for sensitivity readers (I’ve seen a few offering their services on Bsky).

Writing Diverse Characters (3): LGBTQIA+ Incusivity

Challenges -Distraction & Focus

Neurotypical brains produce enough dopamine to allow them to filter out excess sensory information, subconsciously. Apparently, they don’t wander into the classroom and immediately think of five different things they should be doing, and actively try to push four of those things away so they can focus on and complete one thing at a time. And they don’t check their email, and get distracted by a random email that isn’t important right now, or check the digital notice board and get distracted by another non-urgent thing. And interrupt setting up their Reading session with setting up their Writing session. Then get distracted getting a resource for an individual child, then get distracted by packing up something they forgot to put away yesterday, then get distracted by asking a colleague a question, etc.

My entire work day is me using vast amounts of energy trying to push all the non-urgent things clamouring for my attention away, so I can attempt to focus on and complete one thing that needs to be done now at a time. You know what requires even more of my energy? Not forgetting everything I’m not doing in that moment but do need to do sometime, and keeping track of it until I actually do it. This is made harder by the fact I can remember a thing, fully intend to do it right that moment, then get completely distracted by something else and not remember whether I actually did it or not (half the time I didn’t).

Related Challenge: Keeping Track

Diaries and calendars and apps are no good, because if I can’t see everything I need to be doing in front of me at all times; I forget to check the reminder and half the things its reminding me of, for up to a few days. So at work and at home, every incomplete digital task that needs doing in the next two weeks is an open tab (I always have the max number of tabs open). Everything I can’t do right that moment at work gets written down.

I often don’t have the time or headspace to check if I already wrote it down, and sometimes the mere idea of checking what I have recorded is stressful because I’m already overloaded. So there are multiple to do lists, some things duplicated across them, others not yet recorded.

Welcome to the world of hyper active and inattentive ADHD! (Unmedicated).

Challenges -Noticing and Meeting Basic Physical Needs

With all the above going on, who has room in their brain to notice incidental things, like being hungry, tired, needing the bathroom or being sick or in pain? Other writers are doodling their characters and making Spotify playlists for their works in progress, meanwhile I forget multiple characters names, where my characters are or what they’re doing.

I’m also running out of clean clothes because I haven’t noticed the washing basket is overflowing. There’s a small pile of clutter building on the side of my bed, because if I interrupt whatever it is I’m struggling to remember I should be doing to clear that pile, I’ll forget that thing I can hardly remember I’m supposed to be doing.

Challenges: Urgency and Never Stopping

Everywhere I walk at work and in my house, I’m clinging to memory of multiple things I should be doing but haven’t written down yet. Meanwhile sights, sounds and people talking about other things are all around me, clamouring for my attention, all day, every day. And while I struggle to batter away everything that isn’t essential, and at the top of my to do list, all the less essential things that still need doing keep itching to be done.

This is why I was often found at school, half an hour after most of my colleagues had left, rushing around my classroom completing literally five end of day pack up, and next day set up tasks at once. This is why my to do list had to be a physical piece of paper on top of my (messy) desk in a bright colour that screamed for my attention and no other form of task management worked.

The tendency to be distracted, to interrupt my own thoughts, let alone my own task completion created a sense of ongoing urgency. I need to do this —right now—before I forget. Then I need to do this right now —before I forget. And all the other things visually, or auditorily distracting me? I need to urgently block them out to urgently get anything done.

Challenges: ADHD Brain Jam

I assume its somewhere around here that fellow humans with ADHD work too hard, too long on something and experience burn out. I’ve rarely, if ever experienced ADHD burnout. But I’ve had days at work where I’ve taken in so much information that I forget what I learnt today, what I knew yesterday and pretty much everything I need to be doing is melting out my ears. A point where I simply can no longer hold onto or process information. The only solution I have found is drop everything (usually between 4-5pm), and take the rest of the night off.

I started having multiple days of brain jam/ cognitive overload in a row, worrying about meeting deadlines, and just plain feeling far too tired and drained on an ongoing basis in 2023. That’s because I don’t just have ADHD, I also have a chronic illness (courtesy of long covid in 2022). Fibromyalgia was steadily eating my stamina, and ramping up my chronic fatigue, pain, and in hindsight; brain fog, by the end of all four 2023 teaching terms.

This is the point that made me re-evaluate my 2020 decision not to get my ADHD diagnosed because it was clear my ADHD does impact me significantly at work and was making my life harder; possibly A LOT harder.

Neurodiverse me, hiking on Mt Macedon, 2023.

Diagnosis, Medication & Clarity

Having waited six months for my appointment, and another two for the follow up, and another two to see a psychiatrist to back up the GP, I got diagnosed with ADHD early in 2024. Only with that diagnosis, only with the psychiatrist explaining to me how lack of dopamine impairs an ADHD brain’s capacity to filter out excess information, only after starting medication did I have the clarity to write the above.

For a contrast of my clarity prior to both, read the jumble that is my blog of ‘I Think I’m Neurodiverse, ADHD? Autism?’ I tried to put it some kind of order, in a way that meaningfully sequenced the content, but having written and edited it before starting meds, I kept losing track and wasn’t sure if I succeeded in sequencing and structuring it well.

Want to hear the really interesting part? I’m writing this blog having not taken my meds for two days. Because after four days on a helpful dosage; I have the clarity to clearly, meaningfully organise and structure my thoughts. This is the clearest my head has ever been while writing. The only other thing that can trigger a state of mental clarity like this, as opposed to chaotic, highly distractible chaos, is the two or so hours after running 4 kilometres (which I still do daily, because even with ADHD meds, it still helps).

I’d like to take this moment to tell people in the US claiming the number of people taking ADHD meds is a ‘problem’ to educate themselves and stop talking shit.

Medication: The Journey

My doctor gets his patients to start ADHD medication gradually, with written instructions on how to mix the powder inside the capsule and water to get 10mg (the starting dosage) up to 70mg. Its a trial and error process with guidelines, where you figure out what works best for your brain and body (and consult your doctor if problems arise).

Day One: Dosage 10mgs, Notable Difference

My mother noticed hardly anything on a low dosage. I noticed a difference within one hour. I could pause the big thing I was doing to do other small things, like make a phone call or brush my teeth. Then I could return to what I was doing.

This is BIG. I can easily forget to reply to emails, messages or phone calls for a few days. Then I can wait hours after feeling hungry before dragging myself off for food. I often run of an evening when I’d rather run by daylight during winter.

This is because it takes me hours to focus my attention on big things, like writing or editing novels. If I’m nearly focused, I don’t want to give up the hours I spent getting nearly focused to interrupt myself (writing at home lunch ‘breaks’ can last three hours due to distraction). So if I was kind of focused, I’d opt to be hungry for an hour or two as I tried and get something done.

I also found I could choose when to get off social media and just get off it. I didn’t need the dopamine I always need it to provide to help me focus.

After three hours: I could switch off and zone out. That’s something I normally manage perhaps every few weeks, even months and am TERRIBLE at as an adult. My ‘holidays’ are as busy and jam packed as work days, they’re just fun and adventure busy instead of work busy. The ability to mentally switch off is HUGE.

Day Two: Dosage 20mgs, Again, Good Differences

I was more aware of hunger and needing the bathroom. My brain wasn’t fighting off umpteen other distractions, so it was becoming possible to do that thing neurotyoicals apparently do all the time: listen to my body.

Started my day eating breakfast at the kitchen table so I could talk properly to a housemate. I NEVER do this. I always chat briefly, then rush off to finish the thing I don’t want to loose focus on. Not only could did I focus on the conversation for over an hour, at the end I still remembered to bring in the clothes horse I’d noticed mid-conversation was outside. Normally I’d have to fix the thing I notice so I don’t forget it, and can then focus on the conversation.

The other difference is, instead of urgently rushing to start the day’s proof reading (the clock was ticking, I had to upload a finished novel to online bookstores soon), I was able to take stock. Clear some dirty dishes and put a few things away, instead of zoning out everything but today’s big task.

This was the beginning of a less cluttered, less messy, calmer and nicer environment to live and work in. Again -not a small thing!

Day Three: Dosage 20mgs; Inconclusive —External Factors

My doctor’s advice was if you think its having an effect, stay on that dose for three days. So I took twenty milligrams again. This was the day we learnt our landlord was selling the house and we’d have to move out in two months. It was hard to tell if it was the meds that had me so hyper focused I couldn’t get off my computer to exercise, and so agitated I had to run to calm down. I got none of my main task done this day.

Also, my whole body and heart rate were slowing down so much that that night I went to sleep easily despite not exercising. Only when I’m sick or with chronic-illness-levels of fatigue can I normally do that.

Day Four: Dosage 30mgs: Meh!

In hindsight I should have gone back down to 10mgs, but I wanted to get past the wonky I was feeling, so I went up. I felt like I could focus, but lacked the spark and impetus to do anything. Only listening to music got me editing my novel, and I soon became distracted.

I also felt very flat. I’m normally full of energy, smiling and on the go. But that day I just sat there, not feeling like doing anything, just kind of watching the hours tick past. I had to wait for the meds to wear off and go for a run before I got some of the day’s big task done (starting at 9pm, not ideal).

Day Five: Dosage 40mgs: I’m Me AND Focused!

The ADHD urge to rush on to the next thing was strong, so I went up to 40mg. That was when the magic started. My heart rate picked up, my energy levels reset to normal and I felt more like me. I also read the opening chapters of my novel aloud to proof read them, something I have NEVER previously found the patience to attempt. This marked another significant increase in focus, and interestingly; focus on something that normally bores me (which usually requires vast amounts of discipline to attempt, and is usually completed with impatience and frustration).

Time was the other big thing. In the weeks before starting medication I was highly distractible, often staying up to between 2am and 4am. During the day the hours would rush past and I had no idea what I was doing in them. Now, I was focused enough that I was getting the main task done, and looking up to see it had only been tens of minutes, not hours that had past. Time had slowed RIGHT down, which made me feel much more in control of my day.

Day Six: Dosage 50mg ???

Whoops. This should have been day two at 40, followed by day three at 40. All I noted was that I felt settled within 15 mins, much faster than other days.

Day Seven: Dosage 60mg; Brain Jam Unlock

Oh dear. I was now 20mg’s up what I should have been on because it had become too many days in a row to A. re-read dosage instructions, and B. do so correctly.

And yet, before I even took my meds that morning, I was remembering and noting the sort of things my brain jam normally locks up until that blessed ten seconds of quiet when I turn out the lights at night, then recall multiple things I forgot to do. My brain was decluttered of its usual excessive information input overload, and functioning better than usual as a result.

And yet, my heart rate was too fast. I was becoming more distractible throughout the day, didn’t get much done until after my evening run and then still had trouble sleeping. Oddly, my distractibility seemed to be getting worse, to the point it kept me awake until I think 3am. This dosage made my ADHD worse overall.

Day Eight: Dosage 50mg; Not So Good

I remembered myself here and dropped back 10mg, helped by the fact my heart was still beating too fast. It continued to beat too fast and I remained somewhat distractible and didn’t get much of the main task done until after running again in the evening this day.

Day Nine: Dosage None

Having hardly slept the night I uploaded my novel, I wasn’t in a good state to accurately mix meds, so I skipped them.

Day Ten & 11: Dosage 50mgs -Not Right

My heart was still beating too fast for someone sitting still. My focus wasn’t as good as the meds had made it earlier. The next morning, I still didn’t like my heart rate (long covid wreaked havoc with it for weeks and I suspected high dosages of AHD meds were an issue because of this). So on day eleven, I took a break to ensure the incorrect dosage was fully out of my system.

Day 12: Dosage 40mgs -Might Be Good?

This was another day of big external factor. My book was live at online stores, I was posting on all my social media and my friends were congratulating me on getting the whole 360k trilogy out into the world, despite long covid and the chronic illness it caused throwing spanners between book 1’s release and book 3’s.

I let myself make quality launch day graphics, splurge on social media, drank wine, ate chocolate pudding and had a good day. And despite all those other dopamine factors, my heart rate seemed more settled, and I felt better overall.

Day 13 & Beyond: Dosage 40mgs – What is This Magic?

Often when I finish a big project, like the end of a school year or releasing a book, I take time out, take stock, do some cleaning. The strange thing about releasing my third book was; I was up to date with housework, and grocery shopping, and cooking and baking.

But I forgot what else I needed to be doing, so I made a To Do List in a Google doc. Then I attempted the most boring thing I ever do, successfully, for hours. I deleted 500 screen shots from my desktop. Then I organised every file on my desktop into folders, combining four different folders for book files into one. (My computer files haven’t been this organised since since I graduated from high school in 2004, and maybe 90% of the files on my computer now didn’t exist then).

The next day I deleted all duplicate images from my downloads, and sorted images I will reuse into my folders. Then I went through my third party inbox, my personal inbox and cleaned out nearly 1,000 emails from each. I even organised receipts into a folder for this year’s taxes (never done that before).

Then I filled in forms left on open tabs and closed half my many tabs.

30 Mgs

Things were going MUCH better, but I was still hyper focused on organising things and not stopping to eat meals or exercise as often as I wanted throughout the day. And my resting heart rate was still fast. So I went down to 30mgs. This time, I had a good enough handle at 30mg on my focus, not getting distracted and still had energy. I made a call and headed and headed back to work; casual teaching.

I can’t quite focus as well on boring organisational things at this dosage, but my overall focus and organisation are quite good, and distractibility is down. There’s now a calendar with all my pre-booked teaching days, days and times I’m inspecting houses to rent and multiple appointments. I’ve NEVER had the headspace, calmness or clarity to put some much on a calendar.

What Did the Meds Change?

My dopamine levels were now at a stage where my brain filtered out excess information, letting me focus on what I chose, even when the task was so boring (aka so dopamine depriving) I wouldn’t normally attempt and would never otherwise succeed at it.

My To Do List was getting added to, then rearranged into priority order, then subdivided by topic. It was double the length I would ever normally write down, because brain jam and being overwhelmed weren’t holding me back anymore, because they stopped! In other words, I can record and effectively keep track of EVERYTHING I need to be doing, for the FIRST TIME in my life, without being stressed or completely overwhelmed on a regular basis.

I’m also less frustrated by technology. Slow loading pages used to stress me out, because by the time the bloody things loaded I’d thought of three other things I could be doing and had no idea why I was on that page. Now, I can wait. Stay on the slow page, get the job done, move on the next.

Time has slowed. I can take breaks, pause, take stock, tidy things, not just rush through the day with hours flying by, barely getting that day’s main thing done and not touching most others. I feel much calmer, more focused and actually in control. This means I don’t have to go side ways, or risk leaping ahead or involuntarily falling behind as was common when everything was too much to track and process. I can actually keep up with other people in life. Maybe even get ahead, something I rarely aspire to, let alone achieve, for more than a day, or a week.

I feel like a different person. One whom life has become MUCH easier for!

What Didn’t Meds Change?

Initially, this almost put me off diagnosis. I’m a sociable, bubbly, energetic and creative person with lots of ideas. What if medication changed those things? As you may have noticed, for me a too low dosage did suppress those aspects. A too high dosage also mucked them up.

But my goldilocks dose of 30-40mgs leaves me energetic, still sociable when I choose to be (as opposed to permanently too often on social media) and as prone to smile as I normally am (which is a lot more than the average person). I still feel like me. I just have this drastically increased ability to organise and focus.

Going running has been fascinating. I’ve added around three plot ideas to my novels, or three marketing ideas for my books to my list on multiple runs recently. Its like my brain, which was in recent years struggling with the strain of teaching and life to have new ideas, is now having FAR MORE ideas for novels. Because its no longer straining with the effort of compensating for its partial information input filtering and accompany severe distractibility and resulting forgetfulness.

On the whole, I feel far more organised and able to keep track. I have more ideas and feel more creative than ever. I’m still energetic, upbeat and my old self. And I can’t wait to start writing my fourth fantasy novel with the benefit of ADHD meds!

Sustainability & Cross Posting Problems

I know, especially with the Twitter Writing diaspora (no this post isn’t dated, I reject the name change), its easy to get FOMO. To wonder about creatives and people you’re not connecting with or reaching on other social media platforms. So some people use an app to schedule posts on multiple social media, more than they have time or energy to interact on, which has its own problems.

I hope you don’t use an app which auto-posts: ‘I just posted on Insta’ or ‘just pinned (whatever) on Pinterest…’ because I’ve unfollowed people for that. If I follow you on Blue Sky (Bsky) or Mastodon, its because I want to see your Bsky or Mastodon content.

Then there’s the issue of audience differences. I prefer to manually post on Bsky/ Mastodon and Facebook. My FB is mostly people I’ve known personally from all walks of life, including far less people from the diverse communities I interact in on Bsky. So if I scheduled the same posts for Bsky and Facebook, they would resonate with my Bsky community, but not my FB contacts, or vice versa, OR compromise too much and not resonate with either.

And that’s not the biggest problem.

Sustainability Becomes Rockstar Status/ Snobbery

Sure, there will always be those kind people who like and comment on your post, even when you don’t reply or even like their comments (I’ve seen it happen).

The problem with posting and running is it feels like rockstar status. Like you’re saying, “I’ve got things to do (as if my followers don’t). I want engagement from you and I’ll give you nothing/ little in return.” Alternatively “I think my time is worth more than yours.”

I don’t expect any writer/ creative to be Neil Gaiman on Bsky (how much that guy posts but also interacts with other people’s posts is AMAZING! When does he even write?!) But when Neil Gaiman interacts with his followers and others don’t (I don’t just mean life gets busy so you disappear or are hardly present for a bit, I mean post and run is your modus operendi) it feels like snobbery.

If people comment on your posts and you don’t reply, it will feel to them that you’re not really there. Like you’re talking at them, but not listening to them. You’ve taken the ‘social’ out of social media. So why follow you on that platform?

Building Loads of Social Media Followings: does it Actually Work?

Which brings me to, if you’re on more platforms than you have time to connect with others on, if all you’re doing is posting and running… does that build a following?

Sure, there are people who post frequently, have interesting things to say and gain lots of followers. I follow one on Blue Sky who posts multiple times a night on multiple topics, in such a way that many people feel a connection to him. He’s also entertaining and has an unusually large number of followers for Bsky. (And I bet its his main platform, which he gives most of his social media time and energy to).

But most of us don’t present in ways lots of people frequently feel so connected to. Its people who feel like they know me who tend to regularly interact with my social media posts. And while they may feel that from reading my posts often, they get to know me far better if we talk to each other. That’s what gets me the most engagement.

So if you’re posting and running, do people feel like they know you on that platform? Do they connect with what you’re saying? Do they interact with you? Or are you shouting into the void? And if so, would letting those accounts go dormant (or deleting them) lose anything? Or would it gain you time and energy/ spoons for other things?

What’s your Preferred Mode of Operation?

As an indie author, I took the advice to be where my readers are. I tried to post there more often than once in a blue moon when it wasn’t somewhere I didn’t have the motivation, time or spoons to interact. And I learned that reciprocity is important to me not just as a writer and author, but as a social media user.

I don’t want to post and run. I don’t want to be that person who’s always taking and never gives anything back. Who wants engagement and interaction but never returns it.

Learning this about myself made it much easier to decide to let my Tik Tok and Instagram accounts become dormant, to only use my Pinterest to pin a link to my latest blog and to mainly interact on my Blue Sky and Mastodon accounts. I just have a Facebook profile for anyone who isn’t on the former two (because I hate the fan-style set up of FB pages).

But if you are comfortable interacting only with those who reply to you or posting and running…

Are You on the Right Social Media For You?

This can get overlooked among the ‘be where your readers are’ advice and the temptation to be everywhere to ‘reach as many readers as possible’.

Boundaries: Use-ability

This is a simple way to cut down your platform presence.

At one point I had writer groups on Facebook. It was clunky and disorganised. Posts didn’t display in chronological order. The display order of posts kept changing. It wasn’t easy to organise by topic. I found myself not wanting to interact in FB groups I created, because every time I did they frustrated my impatience to interact swiftly and effectively.

So when Facebook shut down Australian community groups without warning during a 2020 lockdown and I moved my writer groups to Discord and found it had ten times better functionally, I all but stopped using Facebook to interact with writers.

When it comes to usability, is there a platform where the notifications, functionality, layout, the way posts are organised (or totally disorganised) frustrates you? That makes things more time-consuming to use?
How much frustration does it cause you or how much of your time does it take up across a day, a week, a month? Is it worth it?

(On these grounds alone, Twitter was a monumental waste of my time by mid 2023 and its dis-functionality was right up there with its antisemitism in driving me to Mastodon and Blue Sky.)

Boundaries- Ill Fitting Platforms

I liked the idea of Instagram. I enjoy travel and nature photography and sometimes write poems. Its also popular with the target audience of my YA Fantasy books: fifteen to forty-somethings (I don’t think YA readership stops at forty, though I know far less fifty-something+ are on Insta). In theory it was a good place to promote my writing and have a social media presence.

But Insta never worked out for me. Posts were bigger and took longer to scroll than my preferred text-based platforms. The algorithms showed me populist posts instead of people I actually knew socially, or fellow writers. The relentless plague of bots commenting on my bookish posts and spamming my inbox was ANNOYING. And I’m still convinced half my followers are men treating Instagram as a dating app…

Then Insta started imitating Twitter with blue tick offers, increased ads and populist post and follow suggestions clogging my feed. This was a feed I wasn’t going to interact on because it just didn’t fit me. It was my post and run platform. And every time the algorithms changed, my posts got seen by less people and slowly dropped from an average of 40 likes to around 15.

I thought, what’s the point? I’m not going to reach readers here anyway. I could use the time and energy I spend on Insta writing my newsletter or blog… even my books! So I let my Insta go dormant.

Avoiding Social Media Burnout (For Writers/ Creatives)

Do you have a platform you feel the same way about? What could you achieve for your books/ art/ newsletter/ blog/ business if you ditched that platform?

Boundaries: Personal Comfort (In my case ND comfort!)

Sometimes, the place your readers/ viewers/ customers hang out ISN’T a good place for you. I don’t just mean you find it tricky or aren’t too sure how the platform works. I mean you’re there because you feel you ‘should’ be and are fighting that little voice in your head telling you ‘this is UN-comfortable.’

For me, this is Tik Tok. I write YA Fantasy. Book Tok sells books. I ‘should’ be on Tik Tok. But my Tik Tok feed is to my ADHD like someone running their nails down a blackboard nonstop. Its audio and visual sensory overload. Its also constant change and unpredictability because every few seconds its a different person/ place/ colours/ sounds/ music/ volume level etc. Tik Tok is sensory HELL for my neurodiverse needs.

Because of the above I have zero desire to interact on Tik Tok. I could just post book promo videos there. Maybe a few author friends would be generous and interact with me even though I never interact with them. Maybe on the right hashtags and with the right sounds my videos would sell some books.

I did make a few personal videos (because I hate just being salesy anywhere). I paid my cover artist to make one animated book cover and reviews video. Then I lost interest, motivation, spoons, time and didn’t go back.

If you’ve got that account your readers hang out on and you ‘should’ be on but you don’t feel comfortable or dislike the platform, maybe the best thing for your comfort/ energy levels/ not spreading yourself too thin is to let that account go.

Boundaries: Ethics

If you don’t approve of hate speech, you wouldn’t want to give it the thumbs up by having an account on a social media platform that enables hate speech, would you?
So have you deleted your Twitter yet?
If not, please read ‘Delete your Twitter’ below. (Yes, its more sympathetic than what I wrote above).

You may also want to consider social media platforms where misinformation is rife, given how that can fuel social division, the climate crisis, maintain the status quo by keeping marginalised communities and people marginalised, etc.

Tik Tok may give you pause because of its Chinese ownership and China and human rights…

For more on my personal stance on Twitter, Facebook (and KU/ Amazon) ethics, see Author Ethical Dilemmas.

Maximising Social Media: Integrating Interests

I assume you were on social media before you had books/ art/ products to sell. That you partly use social media to interact with friends and family, with fellow creatives and possibly with groups who share your interests or facets of your identity. So in this next section I’ll talk about social media spaces that meet your social, personal AND indie needs. Those are the ones I suggest prioritising with most of your time and energy/ spoons.

Other Communities & Special Interests

Let’s say for example you’re a SciFi nerd and you’re on Tumblr for that. Or you love bird watching and follow FB groups for that. Or like me you’re queer, neurodiverse, chronically ill or otherwise disabled. Let’s say sharing life experiences in those communities is affirming, informative and beneficial to your wellbeing.

But communities and interests can be on different platforms, which spread you thin and can wear you out. So where can you integrate your interests, social groups and personal interactions?

Facebook

The Old School option was Facebook profile to interact with friends/ family, and FB groups for writers, other communities and your interests plus your author Facebook page. As I’ve mentioned, I’m not fond of Facebook functionally or ethically. Technically I’m still in FB groups for writers (I almost never look at them) and Wide for the Win as an author (I always mean to look at that more —on its own platform).

But if you are a FB user, it does integrates lots of groups and interests in one space (and likely a lot of your personal contacts if you’re Gen Y or older.) Limiting yourself to it (and few others) is an effective way to avoid social media over-stretching and burn out (and time suck).

Blue Sky

I love Blue Sky because I can connect with writers, get and give writerly and authorly advice, help others AND do the same things as a neurodiverse, queer and chronically ill person. I can check in on the latest news, the latest archaeological discoveries, find historical articles, its all there in one place. Individual posts are even organised topically so I can browse feeds by topics that interest me. And it hosts Twitter’s writer chats (see my Bsky Newby guide for details).

Bsky can integrate your interests and communities (in my opinion with better functionality and organisation than Facebook) —and without Musk or Zuckerberg! These are some of multiple reasons its my favourite social media.

From what I understand, Reddit is another good option to engage with particular interests and topics. It also categorises posts and includes categories you can share shorts, poetry etc in to build your audience on social media.

Hashtags, Instagram & Mastodon

Yes, you could browse Twitter or Instagram, or Mastodon or I don’t know what else by hashtags to explore your interests. In my experience (of Twitter) people often forgot to use relevant hashtags in their posts, or they overused them (especially on Instagram) and this is not nearly as effective in connecting with your people as Facebook groups, Blue Sky Feeds or what I’ve heard of Reddit.

But if Instagram or Mastodon are where you personally connect with people, your creative community (via Mastodon prompt hashtags or Instagram challenges), and where your other interests and communities are; by all means connect there by hashtag. And make either your main social media base that gets most of your time and energy (bonus if it fits where your readers hang out!)

Pick ONE Creative Community

In the author interviews I’ve done (all linked on this page), ‘build your writing community and do it early’ or ‘I wish I’d done it sooner’ is something writers say A LOT. So in prioritising social media platforms, the first question I suggest you ask is; where is my creative/ writing community?

If it’s always been in Facebook groups or on Instagram, this is easy to answer, and I’d stay active in your community. But if your community used to be Twitter…

Delete Your Twitter

The time has long passed to beat around the bush about this.

I had 16k Twitter followers. I introduced writers to each other by genre. I critiqued pitches, ran query letter and Pitch Party DM groups. Then I started an Author Platform DM group, an SFF one, a Querying Writers DM (then moved them all to Discord).

Twitter’s #WritingCommunity was my home and I knew literally hundreds of writers by name and could tell you off the top of my head what genre tens of them wrote. But everything I loved about Twitter’s #WritingCommunity was already dying when Musk started breaking Twitter.

Its not 2022 Anymore

We’re not uncertain what kind of transphobia-promoting, fascist-enabling hellhole Twitter could become. [Twitter’s safety measure cuts are now documented, as are statistics on hate speech tweets not being removed and people not being banned for tweeting them. Spoiler, the latter statistic is ZERO)]. We’re also in no doubt how many staff will be sacked and how dysfunctional and unusable the site will become.

Twitter is dead.

True, by leaving, I lost friends (who didn’t go to Blue sky/ Mastodon/ Facebook/ Discord) and that’s sad. I hope they’ll become active on Blue Sky or Discord one day. But I haven’t regretted deleting my account or departing a discrimination-enabling, rage-bating platform once.

Let it go and move on —preferably before fascists start seeing your continued presence as support of their beliefs.

Choose ONE Twitter Alternative

By now you’ve either settled into algorithm-less Mastodon, or found it not a close enough clone of Twitter (writers, check out #WritersCoffeeClub if you’re still settling there -that’s where the #WritingCommunity is!). Or you’re feeling more comfortable on algorithm-less Blue Sky or on Threads. Or you’ve settled on Discords or into Instagram’s creative communities.

Have you noticed how hard it can be settling into one creative/ writing community? Building connections among creatives in one space? This is why I suggest sticking to ONE main creative community on ONE platform. Go there with your experiences, questions, learnings, random thoughts, memes —everything. Let fellow creatives get to know you and get to know them. Make friends and build ONE proper creative community.

Ideally, do it on the social media with your queer community, your bird watching community, your BIPOC community, your personal contacts —to minimise your platform spread, build strong connections and get the most out of the time, energy and spoons you invest in social media.

Exception: Communities Its Effortless to Pop in and Out Of

I’m active almost daily on Blue Sky AND Mastodon. Its do-able because Mastodon’s writer prompts give me a topic to talk about and other people’s responses to interact with on the same hashtag. It makes getting to know and meaningfully interact with a group of writers effortless (and when time’s short I skip Bsky that day or do two day’s Mastodon prompts the next day).

Discord or Facebook may be like this for you. You go in to the group —and on Discord go to the topically relevant channel— ask your question and get it answered. Or you look at what other people are saying (again on specific topic channels that interest you on your choice of Discord servers) and reply —when it suits you to do so.

If you get what you want from the platform quickly and easily, as rarely or as often as you want WITHOUT putting much time, effort or energy into it, you may find Mastodon/ Discord/ FB Groups sustainable —on the side of your main creative community.

How Many Social Media Platforms are you Active on Now?

Ideally you’ve got ideas on where you can interact as an author/ artist/ other creative and person and with your creative community and potential readers/ viewers/ consumers on one or across two, possibly three platforms.

I’m not saying necessarily delete everything else (exception Twitter). Consider what I did on Instagram: say you’re going elsewhere, leave links for people to find you and let the account go dormant. That way anyone who finds it can connect with you where you’re maximising and integrating your social media presence.

And if they don’t?
I wonder how many more people you’ll reach on the few platforms you make your online homes, by being present, by effectively connecting and being a part of the community. Good luck!

Elise Carlson

Reducing Sensory Overload At Home

Clutter is Evil

Mess is Also Bad

Non-Overstimulating Household Set Up

Non-Overstimulating Pantry

Non-Overstimulating Crockery/ Glassware etc

Non-Overstimulating Storage

White Space/ Resting Your Eyes

Increase White Space, Maximise Cupboards

Reducing Visual Overload At Work: School

Walls Covered in Posters/ Charts are Evil

What are Visually Overwhelming Walls Doing to ND Adults/ Kids?

Noise At Work

Related Reading

Minimising Anxiety: Foreknowledge

Company & ADHD Support To Arrive

Company & Preventing Accidents (due to sensory overload)

Comfort & Sensory Needs

Stand/ Sit Near A Wall

Company, Sensory Overload & Autism Support

Anxiety/ Regulation Aids

Mobility Aids

Final Note

Further Reading

The ‘Small Amount of Time Daily’ Model

Some of Us Cannot Spare a Small Amount of Time

Need Solid Blocks Of Time?

Do What Works For You

When Did I Do All The THINGS?

Blog?

Newsletter?

Write the Next Book?

Getting Marketing Goals Into a State to Determine WHEN To Do Them

Example: Breaking Learning Bookbub Ads Into Sessions

1: Research

2: Design Ads

3: Compare My Ads to Successful Designs & Revise

4: Test & Compare Results of My Own Ads

Repeat As Needed

When Might You Do All The THINGS?

1: Choose Your Focus

2: Block Out Other Comittments

3: Identify Your Authorly Time Slots

4: Choose a Thing ( big picture focus) for The Year

Further Reading (Above Links & More Resources)

Disability Community

Disability Community- Get One

A Good Doctor

My Doctor Wasn’t Good

He Had to Go

My Experience of Medical Prejudices & Biases

How I Found the Right Doctor

Yep, got the one!

Patient Awareness

Medical Malpractice that Could Have Impacted Me

Safeguarding Yourself/ Family

Trust Yourself and Listen to Those You Trust

Further Reading

My Asexuality as a Teen (circa the early 2000’s)

My Asexuality in a (Baptist) Church

My Asexuality at High School

Lack of Sexual & Romantic Feeling

So Dating?

Asexuality at University

Asexuality & Alienation From Allosexuals

Asexuality as an Adult

Have You Tried Online Dating?

I Don’t Reciprocate (Romantically or Sexually)

Single Life

What’s Next On my Bucket List?

How My Asexual, Aromantic Life Looks Now

Further Reading

Neurodiverse Communication

Rehearsing Conversations

What are You on About?

Why Can’t People Just SAY what they MEAN?

I Say What I Mean

Tone

Leading Conversations