These days, my social media home is Bsky, with a favourite writer prompt on Mastodon. I’m happier with those than all alternatives, but there’s still something missing. I think its the difference between comments and two way conversation. Between fleeting and meaningful connections. But its also the impact of politics, the tribalism its pushing, resulting in isolation. Then there’s the disconnect of people’s differing moods during End Stage Capitalism and being TIRED. I’ll unpack those factors here, and offer some Discord suggestions for meaningful conversation and connections, for writers and SFF lovers, and some Bsky and Mastodon writer suggestions.
Comments & Conversation
During End Stage Capitalism, the far right’s rise and with climate becoming catastrophic, no one has lots of energy. It feels like we go onto social media and post comments. And sometimes we comment on someone’s comment about how we agree with their comment.
Or we don’t have the energy to talk. So we like comments, or just like posts of people we know, to say ‘I see you.’ Then we log off. And that little social hole, that need for human connection that may have brought us onto social media that day, goes unfulfilled.
Disclaimer: I’m not a social commentator, a psychologist etc. I’m an author, a primary school teacher, the admin of multiple discords and a social media user of nine years, commenting from personal experience. My experience is that I miss is the connection of having proper, sustained, two way conversation online. I miss the multi-people conversations that tag game or Follow Friday tweets led to when Twitter was home to the Writing Community. I miss having an ongoing conversation with even one person, especially ones good enough that when the other person woke up on the far side of the world, they’d reply, and the conversation would continue the next day.
Comments & Conversation,
from a Neurodiverse Perspective
Don’t get me wrong. I’m multiply queer, neurodiverse and chronically ill. Reading other people’s posts to help self diagnose my neurodiversity (and yes even my chronic illness, before I found a doctor informed about long covid and fibro and competent enough to do so), has been invaluable to my health and wellbeing.
I’ve had many conversations with neurodiverse people who self (and did or didn’t get professionally) diagnosed later in life. We’ve lived our entire lives in a world that expects us to think, behave and communicate in ways that are unnatural to us. We’ve had to function in environments we can find extremely overstimulating, even inaccesible. So reading about other people’s neurodiverse challenges and what has helped them to navigate a world designed for neurotypical people, which operated as though everyone is neurotypical, has been valuable to me.
But the most valuable conversations were in DM groups, or on Discord. The back and forth exchanges, where multiple people weigh in with their experiences, we make connections, notice differences and spot patterns. Conversations where everyone walks away with a better understanding of their own and other’s neurodivergence than they began with. Those conversations are invaluable in forming meaningful connections and they’re emotionally fulfilling.
And I’ve found less and less of them on social media of late. (Which is my Writers and Authors Discord also channels for discussing neurodiverse and disabled life.)
Identity Politics & Isolation
With certain factions trying to blame rising cost of living, housing affordability, hell, even storms on certain identity groups, and trans people under attack to distract from how shit certain governments are, I think there’s also an isolation factor on social media. Its only natural in such a hostile environment for trans people and our allies to band together and defend ourselves by public post. Autistic and disabled people threatened by the most obscenely incompetent health minister to disgrace the world stage are also constantly clustering to counter attacks, and to dispute bullshit that’s being spouted about us. And the usual racism is being dialled up, as I’m well aware of, given literal nazis assaulted Aboriginal people at an Aboriginal scared site in my city on the weekend.
All of these attacks, this politics based on rival identities; haters and hated, I feel like it corals us into tribal identity groups, of identities and their supporters. More and more often this year, I’ve posted not just as a human, but as a nonbinary human, or an autistic human, or a chronically ill human. Sometimes I do that to intentionally share snippets of my existence, for people who share my identity to relate to, or to give small insights to people who don’t. But this year I feel that I post as a person, irrespective of identities, much less often.
Reacting to Reality/ Happy/ Too Tired?
‘Everyone’ is online, but this year also feels more hit and miss when posting is mainly comments. At any given moment you may be responding seriously and angrily to shit happening in your part of the world, or another. Or you’re taking a break and happy posting. Or you’re too tired to engage or be online much. And plenty of us are doing any of those three at different times. Its like three different moods which tend to mean you don’t connect (or connect weakly) with people in either of the two moods you’re not in, at any given time.
And even when you see a post you’re in the same mood as, and respond, its probably just a single reply. Maybe they reply to you once. That’s it. No one seems to be posting questions anymore. When they do among writers, its a prompt. And each individual individually reposts the prompt with a comment. And someone might write one comment back. More and more, I feel like we’re talking at each other, instead of to each other.
In my case, my favourite thing used to be asking other people questions in my posts and replying to other people’s questions. I rarely have the energy these days, not least because of my combination of chronic illness, ADHD and autism. I wonder if lack of questions, lack of ongoing conversations and mass comment posting/ mass talking at each other is largely because other people are too TIRED and low on energy, and or time.
Conversations & My Writers & Authors Discord
I’d love to say I’m writing this blog because I have a whizzbang solution to help people meaningfully connect, and have socially connecting, emotionally fulfilling conversations on social media. Alas, for public posting I do not. But I do have a Writers & Authors Discord. I wanted a place for two way exchanges, for multiple people to trade notes. Not just about writing, querying or publishing, but life as our queer/ neurodiverse/ disabled or their BIPOC selves.
Discord Channels to Foster Connection
That’s why I created a Writer’s and Authors Discord in July, and made channels not just for writing and indie authoring, but for genres; SFF, Horror/ Dark Themes, Romance, Mystery/Thriller/Crime and Kidlit. And for writers to connect with challenges writing and publishing, or just in their daily lives as; queer, neurodiverse, disabled people, BIPOC or Over 50’s.
While there can be an assumption that online spaces are America-centric, as an Australian I’m well aware that’s not the case. So I also made region channels on the Writers and Author’s Discord; Australia & NZ, the rest of the Asia-Pacific, Europe & UK, Canada, US.
The reason I have three whole categories on Writers and Authors Discord based around identity is that’s three potential identities anyone joining the server can go to meaningfully connect with people like them. Then all of us can come together to answer questions about writing craft, indie author publishing, marketing, querying etc. Everyone has channels they feel they belong on, and with a venting channel and good news too; everyone has somewhere to go on the server to have their emotional, as well as social needs met.
Fellow writer? You can join the Writers & Authors Discord here.
Where Did the Fun Go?
I know, to be blunt, lots of things are some degree of fucked right now. A lot of very important causes are competing for our time and energy, and if whole nations and in some places the planet don’t collectively attend to them; we’re fucked. But you can’t spend all your free hours thinking, worrying and doomscrolling about shit being fucked up. Its like when someone you love dies; you can’t just be sad all day every day. At some point you’ve got to do something you enjoy, and feel good, even smile.
I think a big casualty of Twitter dying/ morphing into a nazi zombie and fragmenting many community groups made up of individuals across social media, has been the playfulness I saw back on Twitter. Occasionally I’d tweet something quite serious, and a complete stranger would come on and say something very witty, very much taking the piss out of the topic I raised (with apology for doing so but they couldn’t resist). And on reading their reply, I would burst into laughter and thank them for their valuable contribution to the discussion 😉 .
A few times I hosted #WritersHouseParty, where writers would volunteer to be tagged into a thread, and we’d all jump on with silly party gifs. We’d have silly conversations, and gif wars and I’d be chatting on 15 different threads and nearly two hours behind in responding to my exploding notifications. It was hectic, and silly and sometimes stupidly late in my timezone. But those are some of my best memories of Twitter, circa 2019.
Can We Still Have Fun?
With so much tension in multiple communities and parts of the world, I find its very challenging to just be playful and have fun via social media post. My feeds are such a mix of light hearted fluffy posts, serious politics, outrage at news articles etc, that I never know what the tone of my feeds will be and if any of it will match my mood. I feel like to know you’re in a fun space, it kind of needs to be a dedicated space.
Again, the best solution I can offer is Discord. Because any channel can clearly indicate whether that’s a serious or a silly, or a light hearted conversation space. And you can mute any channel that isn’t going to match your mood/ interests/ suit your needs. Alas, I don’t think the best fun of my Twitter days is something that can be replicated. Novelty was part of what made it do great fun at the time.
SFF Appreciation Discord
One small thing that has brought me joy, and let me just forget about all the shit going on for a time, has been talking about my favourite SFF shows and books. Its something I struggled to do via public post, because everyone has different tastes. But with only 8 people on my SFF Appreciation Discord, we’ve already got three people who LOVE the same show (Aussie SpecFic, Nowhere Boys. Yes, it has its own channel now.)
I’ve created this Discord with channels to talk about what you’re watching, what you’re reading, favourite characters, diverse rep, world building etc. There’s also channels for authors to seek beta readers, or ARC readers. And to make or seek book recommendations. If you enjoy reading or viewing (yes audio books count!) Fantasy, general SpecFic or SciFi, you’re welcome to chat about them on Elise’s Books & SFF Appreciation server.
(Yes, a couple of channels promote my books, those being a portal, epic YA fantasy trilogy and a SciFi-Fantasy series.)
Writer Community
While I’ve found by far the easiest way to get to know fellow writers these days is by conversation on the same writer discord, there’s also also weekly chats on Bsky. These give you a fair chance of interacting with the same people on a semi regular (I doubt any of us attend the same chat every single week 😉 ) basis, each beginning with an intro post (it doesn’t hurt your followers to learn more about you from those either). Then you’ve got 3-4 questions to answer about your wip/ writing, and can respond and make connections to other people’s responses, the best time to do so being 1-2 hours after the chat starts.
I’ve linked quite a few chats (and some prompts, though that list is definitely not exhaustive) in the Writer Section of my Bsky Newby Guide. It also lists multiple feeds for writers, to help you find the posts of more individual writers.
If you’re on Mastodon, some great daily prompts to respond to and meet people on are; #WritersCoffeeClub, #WordWeavers and #ScribesandMakers.
Concluding Remark
I know my focus has been social media here, but as we all seem more and more addicted to it/ our phones these days, a reminder to physically spend time with people you love. To get into the outdoors for some peace and quiet, and the calming effect of trees and greenery. To listen to music (I do not do this often enough), to do whatever exercise you can, and take care, as we navigate this shocker of years.
