Tag: autistic traits

March 14, 2025 / Elise Carlson / 2 Comments

Like many late in life (in my case self) diagnosed autistic people, I’ve spent my life saturated with sensory overload. For years, I had no idea how much energy I wasted at work filtering out absurd amounts of sensory input. Or why it was so hard to switch off or relax at home. Having finally worked it out, I’ll share how I organise and set up my house (decor, storage and cleaning) and some things at work/ school to minimise visual overload. Whether you are autistic, or you live, work or travel with someone who is or may be autistic, I hope those strategies make their/ your life easier, something we could all do with in the Enshitification Era.

Reducing Sensory Overload At Home

Clutter is Evil

This is a challenge for those of us with autism AND ADHD. For much of my life (before ADHD diagnosis and medication), I left clutter everywhere. It was inevitable, as I A. struggled to focus long enough to finish packing up. And B. always worried I’d forget a more important thing that needed doing. So I was forever running from one task to the next before I inevitably got distracted, leaving small piles of clutter everywhere.

I found early in my teaching career that any chance of relaxing or resting on the weekend was best achieved by tidying on Friday nights. I’d begin by putting dirty clothes in the washing basket, dirty dishes in the dishwasher, and packing away scattered papers and other random objects I wasn’t using.

The more stuff I put out of sight, the more tension I was barely aware of in my torso relaxed. Because I no longer needed to remain poised to escape far too many objects crowding my vision and overwhelming my brain until I struggled to remember or think about anything else. Nor was I overwhelmed by the many categories of thing needing putting away in different locations.

Mess is Also Bad

In recent years, I’ve often been able to only clean one or two things before fatigue or pain begin flare and I have to take the rest of the day off cleaning. This has made me aware of which surfaces I want clean the most. Its always the biggest ones.

If there is a 2cm by 2cm or bigger drop of any substance spilt on the kitchen floor; I notice it. Probably every single time I walk past. Crumbs on the carpet? I know about them! Leaves that blew in the door? Annoy me every time I enter the house! Crumbs/ substances on the bench, in the sink or on the stove stop? I notice most of them, every time I enter the kitchen.

It ANNOYS me. They shouldn’t be there. It doesn’t look good. But most importantly, the energy that gets wasted noticing every crumb, drip and whatever needs wiping or vacuuming on every surface of the house, on top of every piece of furniture and decor within the house is TIRING. I consciously perceive too much visual information. (Which my psychiatrist explained is definitely an ADHD thing, but which I suspect is also an autism thing).

Its impossible to relax in your home when you notice five things that need cleaning/ tidying/ something done about them EVERY SINGLE TIME you enter ANY and ALL rooms of the house. The mere constant sight of a messy/ cluttered house is tiring for me to live in. So if anyone in your home is autistic/ has ADHD; the more frequently you and whoever you live with can vacuum/ sweep/ wipe down surfaces; the better!

Non-Overstimulating Household Set Up

A common cause of frustration for me is difficulty distinguishing between the thing I want and the sea of shit I don’t care about just now surrounding it. The thing I want may be right in front of me. But if its an object on the kitchen table with twenty other objects, my brain may note as many of the twenty objects as it can before getting overloaded and overlooking the thing I want; multiple times. Or it may register the clutter on the table as ‘solid mass of too many bloody objects’ and not differentiate between them.

So I decluttered my house, but the cupboards, wardrobes etc, still contained too much stuff. I never perceive the item at the back of the pantry/ fridge until well after it expires. Because by the time I’d consciously perceived all twenty eight items in front of it; I’m tired and my brain perceives the back row as a vague blur.

Non-Overstimulating Pantry

Only recently did I solve storage problems to my satisfaction. Its tricky in the pantry, because I have three housemates who each have their own grocery shelves. And our shelves are narrow and deep. Storing items in rows seems necessary, but its hard to see behind each row. So I put tall items around the outsides and across the back. And smaller items in front, in a couple of baskets I can lift out to easily perceive (and reach) items in the back row.

This helped, but peering into the pantry was still a visually jarring experience. It was like looking into a room where all the furniture is positioned at contrary angles and some items are incorrectly proportioned in relation to others. None of it is quite what you expect. None of it initially makes sense. Its mental gymnastics just to find the vinegar for your salad dressing (and yes, frustrating).

I do a lot of baking, so I bought tuppleware containers for ingredients that are all the same height. Now every type of flour, sugar, coconut etc doesn’t block or obscure the others. And they fit in a nice row along one side, so I can see what’s in each container. And another daily cause of frustration is now a relief that makes daily life that little bit easier.

(Left before, right after).

3 pantry shelves, the bottom and middle with items piled on top of and in front of each other, crowded to the point its difficult to see or reach anything.

Same three shelves, in neat rows of containers the same shapes and sizes, nothing stacked on top of anything, every item visible all the way to the back.

Non-Overstimulating Crockery/ Glassware etc

Only when we moved house did I notice how unpleasant looking in the cupboard for a glass or bowl was. With a sharehouse of around 8-9 different people over the years; our glassware and crockery was very mismatched. Giving away the worst matching sets and buying new, all the same glasses and crockery sets made those cupboards more calming and pleasant to look at.

Note: if you’re tempted to joke about OCD here; don’t A. trivialise a debilitating condition by reducing it to someone merely wanting their crockery and glassware to match. And don’t B, mock people for wanting matching crockery. In this case, that’s like mocking someone for wearing sunglasses on a glary, sunny day. There’s nothing wrong with making things comfortable to view.

Non-Overstimulating Storage

As a teacher, Christmas tends to include gifts of soaps, bath and skincare products. And as an easily distracted ADHDer, the bathroom is best kept clean when the products I use to clean it are stored in the bathroom. (So I don’t enter the room with the products and forget why I was there, the same applying to the kitchen). So my vanity had lots of unused stuff in it, because my brain mostly registered the contents of the huge drawer as ‘big slab of too much stuff’.

In this case the problem was the vanity was a large drawer, with lots of small things placed side by side, and in rows. With so many things in one place, no manner of arranging them could avoid visual overload. Enter a brother who gives thoughtful gifts and figured a large jewellery box with lots of little drawers could be handy for me to store stuff. With a mini drawer chest, small items went from maybe 60 objects of seven varieties in one space, to 3-4 varieties per drawer, and so few items that I can comfortably perceive them all.

Where possible, I suggest using or buying smaller cupboards/ drawers, in which you can separate objects by category. So that opening a door doesn’t instantly reveal shelves of 50 different objects of 8 types. (I don’t like and am lucky my current house doesn’t have a linen cupboard. That’s always too many shelves for me to look at, let alone perceive the thing I want).

White Space/ Resting Your Eyes

In my new house, one housemate’s room has very little decor on furniture, the walls etc. That room has A LOT of white space. Every direction offers blank, plain emptiness that lets my tendency to see EVERYTHING rest, because there’s nothing to perceive, no visual information to process.

I like having some visual stimulation. But if every book/ decorative item/ plant is as eye level; that’s overwhelming. I only put display items on furniture below eye level, so that when walking around I can focus on what I’m thinking, instead of being bombarded by sight of too much stuff.

Increase White Space, Maximise Cupboards

Two pieces of furniture in my new house reduce visual overload. My old tv cabinet had lead light doors that displayed many spines, images, and endless range of colours and texts of tens of my dvds through its glass doors. My new one has solid timber doors, of one colour of harmonious tones. Now, watching tv is a more relaxing and restful experience.

The other change is a book case. As author and reader I know, the point of lots of lovely books and a bookshelf is to display them. But the spines of many rows of books is the same mass of colours, shapes, text and images as rows of dvd spines. And its location meant I regularly walked past it when not wanting to browse books. Too often, it was a solid, 2m high wall of sensory overload that almost made me flinch in passing.

My new bookcase reduces visual overload by screening two rows of books behind wooden doors. The timber framing the glass doors, frames each edge of the shelf with a single colour. While having a pane of glass and lines of lead between me and the books softens the former wall of too much colour and variety. I don’t feel sad I can’t see all the books all the time. I feel relieved possessions I love no longer silently scream at me every time I walk past.

Pine 2m high bookshelf crammed with books of many colours, different heights and thicknesses, some stacked atop each other.

Antique bookcase with carved cupboard doors and two drawers above them screening three rows of books. Upper section has two timber framed doors with leadlight glass in the middles, greatly reducing the mass of exposed spines and visual overload.

Reducing Visual Overload At Work: School

Walls Covered in Posters/ Charts are Evil

This is a BIG one. Honestly, I look back at classrooms I’ve taught in over the last twelve years and wonder why I’m still sane. Remember what I said about row upon row of pantry items being too many items to process? Or row upon row of book spines being a 2m high wall of sensory overload that silently screams at me?

It may not surprise you that as a teacher I HATE classroom walls. I generally avoid looking at them. They have an unfortunate tendency to be a solid mass of teacher charts and or children’s work; of so many colours, writings, drawings and so many categories. They are TOO MUCH.

Imagine being in a room with twenty something children and all of them are shouting at you for the entire day. Classroom walls have the same stressful, overloading impact on me. And a staffroom with work safety, company policy and whatever else posters all over its walls is little better. So if you have any say in your workplaces walls bombarding people with masses of visual information charts/ posters etc ; please reduce it!

What are Visually Overwhelming Walls Doing to ND Adults/ Kids?

If your wall charts/ posters aren’t vital; I’m wasting energy filtering them out so I don’t get overwhelmed, and can actually do my job. So is the autistic kid in your classroom, or your autistic co-worker. Trust me, same goes for the ADHD kids and co-workers!

And you know what, with that overloading visual sensory input in my face throughout my entire work day, I wonder if I wasted something like 30% of my energy filtering out the visual overload of unnecessary crap on walls. That’s 30% of my energy at work, NOT going into my work. That’s the autistic kid having a meltdown because on top of the input of what all the other kids and the teacher are doing, and trying to keep up while struggling to process social cues; they’re overwhelmed. Its the ADHD kid infinitely distracted, or zoning out, because they too are overwhelmed.

Noise At Work

While this blog focuses on visual overload, which bothers me personally the most, everything I’ve said about the discomfort of visual overload applies to audio overload. Whether a particular person/ appliance/ music etc is too loud, or there are too many voices speaking in the same room making it hard for an autistic person to hear the person speaking to them; audio overload also needs minimising. Luckily headphones, both for the person listening to noise and noise cancelling ones, and other sound proofing options offer relief that visual overload doesn’t have an easy equivalent for.

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Neurodiverse Communication

Rehearsing Conversations

I’m guessing neurotypical people rehearse conversations in their heads when they’re giving a speech, or telling someone they really care about something that really matters to them. By the time I was around fifteen, I rehearsed ANYTHING and EVERYTHING I may like to say to my friends before saying it aloud. I would approach social situations with prepared topics and comments drafted in my brain and would be happy when I got to say them all.

Did I monitor the interest levels of people as I plunged through my pre-rehearsed topics? Not really. Sometimes when I’d finished talking I did. Knowing how much to say about a topic and not rambling on when the other person isn’t as interested as me is a life skill I am still refining, in my thirties.

This is an autistic trait common in adults.

What are You on About?

As a teenager, I routinely initiated conversations with peers because it was the easiest way to communicate. Even as an adult I find other people starting the conversation challenging. With people I don’t know well, the first thing I think they’re saying usually isn’t what they mean. I’ve developed a habit of listening, ignoring my first interpretation, and waiting until a second or third interpretation forms in my mind before I respond. Usually by then I’ve correctly identified the topic and their intended meaning. If I take too long, I comment on one aspect I’m sure I understand, to encourage them to say more, to give me more time to figure out what they’re talking about.

When I’m tired, I also struggle because I interpret things literally. I suspect that any other time I remember what I know about that person, or topic and do mental gymnastics to get from what they literally said to what they actually mean. That gets socially awkward because neurotypical people, especially adults in a professional context, tend to want immediate answers to their questions. But they don’t say what they literally mean, so I need processing time to do mental gymnastics before I can answer.

I suspect my main challenge with both of the above can be taking people more literally than they intend. Though my ADHD being challenged by information overload is also a close contender for that title. When the other person talks too much I start forgetting information they’ve said before connecting the pieces of it together and extracting meaning from them. Either way, the other person’s point can go completely over my head.

Taking people too literally? Classic autistic trait.

Why Can’t People Just SAY what they MEAN?

I am already using SO MUCH energy in conversations to: stay focused (because ADHD), not interrupt (because ADHD), read body language and tone (because autism), put effort into the above simultaneously (neurodivers e people tend to struggle with split-focus) while tracking what you mean AND responding swiftly. I have very few spoons left to dedicate to hunting mystical meanings you hide between your words. Just TELL ME what you want!

This wasn’t easy for me to recognise, because while I was swiftly frustrated with academics who waffle on at Uni (mostly in articles), and adults who beat around the bush; I work with kids. I’m always working with people who may be discussing things they are unclear on, and struggle to put into words. Teaching has me forever piecing together clues, filling gaps and actively supporting students to communicate more clearly/ effectively/ socially acceptably with each other.

I tend to recognise sarcasm and quite a few other things autistic people generally struggle with, perhaps because I’ve worked closely with twenty-something kids five days a week and adults after hours, for over ten years. Experience has positioned me to present as neurotypical, but when I get tired at the end of the day and someone in leadership gives an instruction that sounds like its giving me a choice but actually means ‘I want you to do x like y,’ I’m prone to mis their intended meaning and take them at their literal one. When I’m online and tired, sometimes I skip over posts because there aren’t enough contextual clues within them and I just don’t know what they mean.

I prefer to get directions at work from leaders who speak directly, even bluntly and keep to the point. That’s A LOT clearer to me, and a lot less effort to process.

I Say What I Mean

I lost track long ago how many times growing up my mother would joke ‘why don’t you tell us what you really think?’ Over the past year I’ve often deleted my posts about genocide in Palestine because I can’t express my feelings without swearing the house down and saying things I know could be inflammatory and not do any form of good.

But growing up, with close friends and family, I tended to just say what I meant, uncensored. Only in England did I learn to shut up at work, so I didn’t spend the entire day saying; ‘This system is on fire. Why are you teaching in it instead of trying putting out the flames?’ (Yes, this is a metaphor for the string of swearing I was actually thinking in).

Honestly, I think the downside of ‘polite society’ in an age where Trump is running for a second presidency and the phrase ‘you can’t make this shit up’ is common commentary on real life is an era in which MORE people need to be saying; ‘This shit is fucked up.’ I fear that being ‘polite’ and not bluntly calling things out normalises shit that absolutely SHOULD NOT be happening. *Points at genocide in Palestine*.

Again, the tendency to be blunt is an autistic one.

Tone

I had no idea that speaking more informally than is appropriate is an autistic tendency. (I was more familiar with the perhaps more common, or better recognised tendency to speak formally when it isn’t expected/ required). But both are autistic traits, and natural inclinations I learned to adapt at work. I did it as early as working in retail (where being tall, thin, blond and female presenting, speaking in a more formal, professional manner meant I was less likely to have to put up with people treating me like an airhead).

A more warm and welcoming professional tone also works well with parents as a teacher. And when I step into ‘professional communication mode’ I find it easier to make eye contact, ask other people questions and behave in what people consider a welcoming, professional way (which is of course a neurotypical way).

With adults at work, I also tend to tone down my excitement, and present in a calmer, more professional manner. Whereas with students I’ll be up pacing, gesticulating, and my tone will be full of enthusiasm on topics of interest, which is thankfully many within the expanse that is twenty-first century curriculum.

Leading Conversations

Having prepared my talking points in advance, I also like to lead conversations. When I start the conversation, especially a group conversation, its SO much easier to keep track of what we’re talking about and have clarity about the conversation. It also gives me the chance to ensure my particular interests feature strongly, which makes it much easier for me to follow and actively participate.

While struggling to follow group conversations is a classic ADHD trait, the desire to lead them is an autistic one. (This and other autistic traits being listed nicely in this article).

Reciprocity In Conversation

I have the ADHD tendency of ‘I just need to tell you these ten things, all at once, before I forget half of them.’ THEN I have the headspace to properly listen to and take in what that person is saying.

But when the other person asks about me first, I have to make a real effort to ask about them, because its what they expect, not my natural inclination. This is a more autistic tendency.

I loved an episode of the Aussie comedy FISK, where the autistic coded main character is being pretty much trained in small talk/ social niceties by a colleague, but needs to urgently leave. She’s trying to throw out, ‘How are you? And isn’t it a nice day? And what are your plans for the weekend?’ In a very rushed, and random order, because its what the colleague expects, but is clearly unnatural and awkward to the autistic coded MC.

What are Social Graces?

I’ve never been a fan of a few basic social conventions.

1. I don’t like eye contact.

This is a classic, obvious autistic trait but I was unconcious of it for quite some time. Because people look you in the eyes and insist you look back from childhood. So you make yourself do it and pretend it doesn’t bother you. Or you make eye contact so they know you’re listening but you keep finding excuses to look away.

They don’t notice anything. And you don’t want to notice how uncomfortable eye contact makes you, because God knows how often how many people are trying to make eye contact with you and you’re trying to uncomfortably meet it!

2. I don’t do small talk.

When you talk to people you’re supposed to ask how they are. When they’re strangers you’re supposed to do ice breakers, or ‘polite conversation starters’ like the weather, or —hell, I don’t know because I don’t do it. Why? Because I’m not interested. I’m interested in what I’m interested in. In a state of nature going to launch into whatever interests me n that moment with no names, greetings, preamble or niceties. No time wasting— lets get into it! (Yes the impatience is likely ADHD, though struggling with small talk period as an autistic trait.)

Again, I have had to spend lots of time learning and practicing asking how people are, or thinking of things that matter to them and asking how about those. I do care about the latter. If they start talking about it I will show interest in my responses. But its not natural for me to think what to ask about other people. I used to just assume that if something mattered to people they wouldn’t need an invitation to talk about it and would just say it, but I’m learning there are many exceptions to that.

Elise Carlson selfie, smiling, wearing glasses, a cap, with short curls poking out the sides, stripy top, river and mossy rocks in background. — Neurodiverse me, hiking in the Otway Ranges, March 2023.

I’m Thinking…

Hyper Focus

For me, hyper focus is a very important strategy that enabled me to have a teaching career and ADHD at the same time. What I didn’t notice in this section of the blog back in 2021 was how much I like hyper focusing on topics of particular interest, or special interests —a classic autistic trait.

What’s the Point?

Why be on time for class, so I can line up outside, wait for everyone else to enter and sit down slowly and get zero benefits for having got out of bed a bit earlier? If you want me to do something —tell me why. The fact you want me to do it doesn’t motivate me. The fact you were my parent or teacher and even now, the fact alone that its my boss asking doesn’t motivate me.

Intrinsic motivation for me is not conforming to other people’s expectations, their wants, being obedient or doing anything purely because someone asked. I care about, I want to understand, I am motivated by WHY. Tell me how it benefits people —students, colleagues, my boss, me —anybody— or how it makes my work more productive, or easier, or safer or whatever. That’s what motivates me. I don’t know anyone else so strongly motivated by being told why.

The most likely explanation I’ve found at this time for ‘why?’ being so important: the autistic tendency to excel at logical reasoning, which may be more important than or even compensate for intuition in decision making (source on this).

Logic and Decision Making

Deleting my Twitter account was initially an emotional decision, because I had so many friends and writer contacts there. But as the account with a violence against Jews handle was repeatedly reported and found to ‘not violate Twitter’s safety policies’, and the Australian esafety commissioner fined Musk for failing to meet minimum child protection standards, the site became increasing dysfunctional and un-usable, the word ‘cis’ was banned… how could anyone NOT delete their account? How could decent humans ignore reason and divorce their actions from their consciences like this?

Guess what? Turns out excelling at logical thought and reasoning, and a strong sense of social justice are autistic tendencies.

I’m coming to realise that for people choosing to stay on Twitter, its likely an emotional decision about not wanting to lose friends they have there. If only all my friends could leave based on logic and reason and then we could all have migrated together and not got separated! GAH!

(I understand people who chose differently on perhaps an intellectual level here, but as you can see my own emotional reasoning takes me in the opposite direction, because my emotions are a response to the logic of the situation, not an emotional, direct response to the situation itself.).

Why did you change that?

Earlier this year I was in casual teaching. Before doing so, I had to answer the question: are you prepared to be called in to work on the day, or only to be booked in advance?

I have (while living in England) woken up to a phone call, looked up how to access a school I’ve never been to before via public transport and rushed off to work. I can do that. But the relief I felt on being texted a list of dates, and comparing them to my (physical) calendar to check my availability and getting to text back with ‘Yes I am available on those dates’ in a text message?

That’s my autistic love of structure, order, routine. I like predictability telling me what will happen and when, giving me time to mentally adjust to the fact its coming. In this case I liked it to fit work days around medical appointments and moving house, and writing novels and socialising around work.

So heads up, if you know a neurodivergent person (especially someone who’s autistic): don’t spring sudden changes on them! Sudden change is stressful. It often needs to be processed faster than I’m capable of processing it. And if you’re the parents of an autistic child: always give them an idea of how long they can do that thing they love, that they must pack up in five minutes, in two minutes, now! Sudden change is bad!

Memory

Before Twitter became fascist zombie land, (yeah, being blunt is also an autistic tendency and sometimes I just think fuck sensoring my language into neurotypical, I’m calling this shit as I see it), I knew SO MANY writers by name. I recalled at least one genre SO MANY of them wrote. I did make lists to help me, and now do so on Bsky, but my memory was unusual.

Which is clearest when I tell you my ADHD hates making notes about my multi character, complex plot, epic fantasy novels. So I just edit whole novels multiple times. I do my consistency edits of 100k novels in three days, because reading them that close together lets me just remember compass points on their journey, or that character mentioned something seven chapters ago clashing with this chapter’s mention of it.

In some ways my memory is terrible: see ADHD’s impact on working memory. But in others its excellent, and the excellent ways tend to align with autistic tendencies.

Sensory Needs

Its Too Bright

I was once co-teaching and noticed that when the other teacher was teaching, I kept looking at the wall away from the children. That’s because it was blue, and calming and not cluttered with teaching charts. When that teacher went on leave and it became my classroom, I spent 45 minutes pinning A3 sheets of pastel purple over the lurid colours of the wall children sat beside, and took down most charts (I didn’t use them anyway).

That was the most obvious instance in my life of; dude, you have sensory issues! Certain colours, and brightness/ tone are so uncomfortable I don’t want to look at them (and yes, will spend forty five minutes covering them up).

Its Too Loud

The other obvious sensory issue my whole life has been sound. The number of times a repetitive noise has continued until it distracts and frustrates me and I verbally complain and no one else in the room can hear it…

Until getting chronically ill, I was a light sleeper. Possum lands on the roof? I wake up. Car drives over speed bump outside my house? Wake up. Someone walks down the corridor, opens a door, uses the shower in the bathroom next to my room… I bought earplugs when a housemate was getting up at 5.50am because I would wake when he open his door opened (it scrapped across his carpet) and not get to sleep until he shut the front door (it was deadlock only and impossible to turn quietly.)

Sensory sensitivity (which can also be to smell, taste and texture, all of which bother me a lot less) is another classic autistic trait.

Other Areas

Difficulty Maintaining Friendships & Holding Down Employment

This wasn’t an easy one to evaluate, because I move house (sometimes countries) every couple of years. I change work places just as often (these are classic ADHD novelty seeking behaviours). But I didn’t realise holding employment and maintaining friendships are also common autistic struggles.

The one year contract was my bane as a teacher. My ADHD swiftly got fed up with the same time-consuming, repetitive routine of annually re-applying for my job because my contract had finished. That made things hit harder, and is why I figured why not teach overseas? Employment is no longer enough incentive to go through several weeks of lots of work and stress to get the same outcome annually (employment). There’s your autistic logic, running away with the ADHD quest for novelty. My difficulty in spotting both is that at moments like these, they ran hand in hand.

Creativity

I was the ‘in their own world child.’ My author bio mentions ‘graduating from playing imaginary games to writing fantasy.’ This is very much true. While fascination with facts is known as a typical autism trait in children by teachers, it was news to me that an interest in fantasy worlds can also be an autistic trait.

What Now?

Since moving house, I’m selling off things I don’t use and have purchased matching crockery and glassware, to reduce visual sensory overload at home. I also de-clutter my classroom where possible. I ask clarifying questions when needed at work, to help me piece together the too-many pieces of information people are telling me and extract the speaker’s intended meaning from them.

I tell colleagues when I can’t keep up with the professional conversation and again ask clarifying questions as needed. Ultimately, in conversation and meeting sensory needs, I give myself space to be comfortable, my neurodiverse self –autistic and ADHD-istic– and to succeed as such.