Tag: neurodiverse affirming

March 14, 2025 / Elise Carlson / 2 Comments

Like many late in life (in my case self) diagnosed autistic people, I’ve spent my life saturated with sensory overload. For years, I had no idea how much energy I wasted at work filtering out absurd amounts of sensory input. Or why it was so hard to switch off or relax at home. Having finally worked it out, I’ll share how I organise and set up my house (decor, storage and cleaning) and some things at work/ school to minimise visual overload. Whether you are autistic, or you live, work or travel with someone who is or may be autistic, I hope those strategies make their/ your life easier, something we could all do with in the Enshitification Era.

Reducing Sensory Overload At Home

Clutter is Evil

This is a challenge for those of us with autism AND ADHD. For much of my life (before ADHD diagnosis and medication), I left clutter everywhere. It was inevitable, as I A. struggled to focus long enough to finish packing up. And B. always worried I’d forget a more important thing that needed doing. So I was forever running from one task to the next before I inevitably got distracted, leaving small piles of clutter everywhere.

I found early in my teaching career that any chance of relaxing or resting on the weekend was best achieved by tidying on Friday nights. I’d begin by putting dirty clothes in the washing basket, dirty dishes in the dishwasher, and packing away scattered papers and other random objects I wasn’t using.

The more stuff I put out of sight, the more tension I was barely aware of in my torso relaxed. Because I no longer needed to remain poised to escape far too many objects crowding my vision and overwhelming my brain until I struggled to remember or think about anything else. Nor was I overwhelmed by the many categories of thing needing putting away in different locations.

Mess is Also Bad

In recent years, I’ve often been able to only clean one or two things before fatigue or pain begin flare and I have to take the rest of the day off cleaning. This has made me aware of which surfaces I want clean the most. Its always the biggest ones.

If there is a 2cm by 2cm or bigger drop of any substance spilt on the kitchen floor; I notice it. Probably every single time I walk past. Crumbs on the carpet? I know about them! Leaves that blew in the door? Annoy me every time I enter the house! Crumbs/ substances on the bench, in the sink or on the stove stop? I notice most of them, every time I enter the kitchen.

It ANNOYS me. They shouldn’t be there. It doesn’t look good. But most importantly, the energy that gets wasted noticing every crumb, drip and whatever needs wiping or vacuuming on every surface of the house, on top of every piece of furniture and decor within the house is TIRING. I consciously perceive too much visual information. (Which my psychiatrist explained is definitely an ADHD thing, but which I suspect is also an autism thing).

Its impossible to relax in your home when you notice five things that need cleaning/ tidying/ something done about them EVERY SINGLE TIME you enter ANY and ALL rooms of the house. The mere constant sight of a messy/ cluttered house is tiring for me to live in. So if anyone in your home is autistic/ has ADHD; the more frequently you and whoever you live with can vacuum/ sweep/ wipe down surfaces; the better!

Non-Overstimulating Household Set Up

A common cause of frustration for me is difficulty distinguishing between the thing I want and the sea of shit I don’t care about just now surrounding it. The thing I want may be right in front of me. But if its an object on the kitchen table with twenty other objects, my brain may note as many of the twenty objects as it can before getting overloaded and overlooking the thing I want; multiple times. Or it may register the clutter on the table as ‘solid mass of too many bloody objects’ and not differentiate between them.

So I decluttered my house, but the cupboards, wardrobes etc, still contained too much stuff. I never perceive the item at the back of the pantry/ fridge until well after it expires. Because by the time I’d consciously perceived all twenty eight items in front of it; I’m tired and my brain perceives the back row as a vague blur.

Non-Overstimulating Pantry

Only recently did I solve storage problems to my satisfaction. Its tricky in the pantry, because I have three housemates who each have their own grocery shelves. And our shelves are narrow and deep. Storing items in rows seems necessary, but its hard to see behind each row. So I put tall items around the outsides and across the back. And smaller items in front, in a couple of baskets I can lift out to easily perceive (and reach) items in the back row.

This helped, but peering into the pantry was still a visually jarring experience. It was like looking into a room where all the furniture is positioned at contrary angles and some items are incorrectly proportioned in relation to others. None of it is quite what you expect. None of it initially makes sense. Its mental gymnastics just to find the vinegar for your salad dressing (and yes, frustrating).

I do a lot of baking, so I bought tuppleware containers for ingredients that are all the same height. Now every type of flour, sugar, coconut etc doesn’t block or obscure the others. And they fit in a nice row along one side, so I can see what’s in each container. And another daily cause of frustration is now a relief that makes daily life that little bit easier.

(Left before, right after).

3 pantry shelves, the bottom and middle with items piled on top of and in front of each other, crowded to the point its difficult to see or reach anything.

Same three shelves, in neat rows of containers the same shapes and sizes, nothing stacked on top of anything, every item visible all the way to the back.

Non-Overstimulating Crockery/ Glassware etc

Only when we moved house did I notice how unpleasant looking in the cupboard for a glass or bowl was. With a sharehouse of around 8-9 different people over the years; our glassware and crockery was very mismatched. Giving away the worst matching sets and buying new, all the same glasses and crockery sets made those cupboards more calming and pleasant to look at.

Note: if you’re tempted to joke about OCD here; don’t A. trivialise a debilitating condition by reducing it to someone merely wanting their crockery and glassware to match. And don’t B, mock people for wanting matching crockery. In this case, that’s like mocking someone for wearing sunglasses on a glary, sunny day. There’s nothing wrong with making things comfortable to view.

Non-Overstimulating Storage

As a teacher, Christmas tends to include gifts of soaps, bath and skincare products. And as an easily distracted ADHDer, the bathroom is best kept clean when the products I use to clean it are stored in the bathroom. (So I don’t enter the room with the products and forget why I was there, the same applying to the kitchen). So my vanity had lots of unused stuff in it, because my brain mostly registered the contents of the huge drawer as ‘big slab of too much stuff’.

In this case the problem was the vanity was a large drawer, with lots of small things placed side by side, and in rows. With so many things in one place, no manner of arranging them could avoid visual overload. Enter a brother who gives thoughtful gifts and figured a large jewellery box with lots of little drawers could be handy for me to store stuff. With a mini drawer chest, small items went from maybe 60 objects of seven varieties in one space, to 3-4 varieties per drawer, and so few items that I can comfortably perceive them all.

Where possible, I suggest using or buying smaller cupboards/ drawers, in which you can separate objects by category. So that opening a door doesn’t instantly reveal shelves of 50 different objects of 8 types. (I don’t like and am lucky my current house doesn’t have a linen cupboard. That’s always too many shelves for me to look at, let alone perceive the thing I want).

White Space/ Resting Your Eyes

In my new house, one housemate’s room has very little decor on furniture, the walls etc. That room has A LOT of white space. Every direction offers blank, plain emptiness that lets my tendency to see EVERYTHING rest, because there’s nothing to perceive, no visual information to process.

I like having some visual stimulation. But if every book/ decorative item/ plant is as eye level; that’s overwhelming. I only put display items on furniture below eye level, so that when walking around I can focus on what I’m thinking, instead of being bombarded by sight of too much stuff.

Increase White Space, Maximise Cupboards

Two pieces of furniture in my new house reduce visual overload. My old tv cabinet had lead light doors that displayed many spines, images, and endless range of colours and texts of tens of my dvds through its glass doors. My new one has solid timber doors, of one colour of harmonious tones. Now, watching tv is a more relaxing and restful experience.

The other change is a book case. As author and reader I know, the point of lots of lovely books and a bookshelf is to display them. But the spines of many rows of books is the same mass of colours, shapes, text and images as rows of dvd spines. And its location meant I regularly walked past it when not wanting to browse books. Too often, it was a solid, 2m high wall of sensory overload that almost made me flinch in passing.

My new bookcase reduces visual overload by screening two rows of books behind wooden doors. The timber framing the glass doors, frames each edge of the shelf with a single colour. While having a pane of glass and lines of lead between me and the books softens the former wall of too much colour and variety. I don’t feel sad I can’t see all the books all the time. I feel relieved possessions I love no longer silently scream at me every time I walk past.

Pine 2m high bookshelf crammed with books of many colours, different heights and thicknesses, some stacked atop each other.

Antique bookcase with carved cupboard doors and two drawers above them screening three rows of books. Upper section has two timber framed doors with leadlight glass in the middles, greatly reducing the mass of exposed spines and visual overload.

Reducing Visual Overload At Work: School

Walls Covered in Posters/ Charts are Evil

This is a BIG one. Honestly, I look back at classrooms I’ve taught in over the last twelve years and wonder why I’m still sane. Remember what I said about row upon row of pantry items being too many items to process? Or row upon row of book spines being a 2m high wall of sensory overload that silently screams at me?

It may not surprise you that as a teacher I HATE classroom walls. I generally avoid looking at them. They have an unfortunate tendency to be a solid mass of teacher charts and or children’s work; of so many colours, writings, drawings and so many categories. They are TOO MUCH.

Imagine being in a room with twenty something children and all of them are shouting at you for the entire day. Classroom walls have the same stressful, overloading impact on me. And a staffroom with work safety, company policy and whatever else posters all over its walls is little better. So if you have any say in your workplaces walls bombarding people with masses of visual information charts/ posters etc ; please reduce it!

What are Visually Overwhelming Walls Doing to ND Adults/ Kids?

If your wall charts/ posters aren’t vital; I’m wasting energy filtering them out so I don’t get overwhelmed, and can actually do my job. So is the autistic kid in your classroom, or your autistic co-worker. Trust me, same goes for the ADHD kids and co-workers!

And you know what, with that overloading visual sensory input in my face throughout my entire work day, I wonder if I wasted something like 30% of my energy filtering out the visual overload of unnecessary crap on walls. That’s 30% of my energy at work, NOT going into my work. That’s the autistic kid having a meltdown because on top of the input of what all the other kids and the teacher are doing, and trying to keep up while struggling to process social cues; they’re overwhelmed. Its the ADHD kid infinitely distracted, or zoning out, because they too are overwhelmed.

Noise At Work

While this blog focuses on visual overload, which bothers me personally the most, everything I’ve said about the discomfort of visual overload applies to audio overload. Whether a particular person/ appliance/ music etc is too loud, or there are too many voices speaking in the same room making it hard for an autistic person to hear the person speaking to them; audio overload also needs minimising. Luckily headphones, both for the person listening to noise and noise cancelling ones, and other sound proofing options offer relief that visual overload doesn’t have an easy equivalent for.

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Minimising Anxiety: Foreknowledge

Even if your companion knows the details, and you’re not normally prone to anxiety; a protest is a good event to minimise anything that might cause anxiety at, especially if you’re neurodiverse. Before you get there, I suggest checking where the protest is, who organised it, what format it takes etc. Do what helps calm us autistic people and arm yourself with foreknowledge of who will be where, doing what, when and how.

If its a type you haven’t been to before (or your first protest); ask around. Get other people to tell you about their experiences to help you know what to expect. A few times in unfamiliar contexts or places recently, I’ve found myself rehearsing what I know will happen, or steps I will take. This has helped me to regulate, remain calm and feel in control in an unfamiliar situation.

Company & ADHD Support To Arrive

A lot of how I’d stay calm, not stressed and not overwhelmed by the crowds comes down to this; try not to attend events alone. The presence of at least one person I know helps me with lots of things.

For a start, I might have trouble reaching the protest. I may be feeling nervous. And with my ADHD tendency towards distractibility, especially if I forgot my meds that morning, its easy to miss my train stop. Its also easy to get streets mixed up, turn to soon or read my map wrong (yes with phone navigation).

Travelling with another person who takes responsibility for navigating takes pressure off me. That alone helps reduce my stress and anxiety levels, and gives me a calmer arrival to the protest.

Company & Preventing Accidents (due to sensory overload)

When you reach the protest, people and signs everywhere and maybe helicopters in the sky, its easy to get distracted or overloaded with sensory information. At Invasion Day I was so distracted (or overloaded) with processing visual sensory info of the crowd that I nearly tripped over concrete bordering tram tracks, having not perceived/ processed it.

Crowds are an information processing challenge for people with autism and or ADHD. So its a good idea to ask your companion(s) to keep an eye out for trip hazards, help you spot them and to explain that you’re likely to overlook them. Its also a good idea to watch out for the crowd parting around obstacles ahead. Had people not stood on benches we had to walk around at Invasion Day, its possible I would have bumped into them too.

Comfort & Sensory Needs

I was lucky my friend was aware I’m nervous as an immunocompromised person of being hundreds or thousands people who could have a respiratory virus that could put me in bed for weeks. This made her aware of my need for personal space and prompted her to find it. And personal space reduced my feelings of being overwhelmed or stressed by people pressing in around me on all sides.

Stand/ Sit Near A Wall

The best space for a neurodiverse or chronically ill person is near a wall. No one can stand in the wall, so you’re guaranteed space on that side. And people don’t tend to pack closely together before the wall. And if the wall is by your side; half the crowd is behind you and you can’t see them. This gives you less likelihood of catching anything from anyone (like the N95 I assume fellow spoonies are wearing). And it reduces the sensory input and distraction of the crowd for autistic people and ADHDers.

But the most important thing about walls for anyone prone to fatigue or pain from prolonged standing is physical support. The Invasion Day rally began with two hours of speeches. I barely managed to stand through the first ten minutes (and I wanted to, because Uncle Garry Folely was speaking and I wanted to show him that respect). I could only stand that long because I was leaning my back fully against the wall and it was relieving my legs of half my weight.

When standing became too much; I sat with my back leaning against the wall. I had space to sit comfortably there and to change my position as needed. You couldn’t do that in the middle of the crowd in the middle of the street.

Chronically Ill & Neurodivergent Guide to Protests/ Public Events

Company, Sensory Overload & Autism Support

Both my parents are autistic and dislike crowds. I think its the novelty and variety of people that my ADHD enjoys about them. My autism doesn’t mind them, but even after a family Christmas I’m TIRED, happy to sit alone and barely speak to anyone for hours. Attending a protest march with hundreds (especially thousands) of people gives me the same weariness. I think its the exhaustion of so many people, clothes, colours, faces, me noticing ALL of it and the energy that takes to process.

Crowds are massively overstimulating and being in one can feel overwhelming. Again, this is where being with at least one person can help. If I’m overwhelmed by all the people, I can focus on the person who’s my company. I even found talking to that friend during the latest march made it feel like it was just us walking down the street. It made me feel MUCH MORE comfortable.

Focusing on the back of the person in front of me or the sign they were carrying, instead of the entire crowded street ahead, also helped me feel less overwhelmed.

Anxiety/ Regulation Aids

As teachers, we know the power of a fidget to give that ADHD kid the stimulation/ dopamine hit they need to focus. We also know the calming benefit of regular, rhythmic movements for heightened and autistic children. Guess what? What helps children calm and self regulate can help adults too.

I didn’t bring fidgets to the Invasion Day speeches, but I was tapping my fingers on my knee to a regular rhythm. Holding a small, discrete fidget could have fulfilled my restless ADHD need to move, even while sitting listening for an hour and fifty minutes. Were I feeling anxious/ overwhelmed by the crowd; again a fidget involving repetitive, rhythmic movement could help calm me.

Mobility Aids

If you’re physically disabled and or hyper mobile, you may already have mobility aids. As a chronically ill person who recovered from long covid only to realise I still had fibromyalgia; I stumbled through chronic pain and fatigue. At work I mostly sat down as often as possible. At home I alternated being on my feet and moving with sitting and resting. But at a protest march its likely you’ll be on your feet for quite some time. So I bought a walking stick, which I’m most likely to use at protest marches (for now).

The Invasion Day march crowd moved too slowly for me. Sometimes my friend and I could step off the road onto the footpath and move at our own pace. But sometimes we couldn’t and like prolonged standing, prolonged slow walking is bad for my fatigue and back ache. For the last fifteen minutes, having a walking stick to lean on would have helped minimise my fatigue and back ache.

Final Note

As we’re conscious of in teaching, its hard too care for others if you are struggling. So try and ensure your comfort as best you can at protests (and in crowded spaces generally), so you can focus your energy on resisting whatever shit your country is/ is at risk of getting badly wrong.

Disability Community

It might seem odd starting with community when this post is mainly about developing awareness of your condition and potential issues navigating medical professionals. But when (to everyone else’s knowledge) you’re the only person you know who, in my case has; ADHD, autism, Fibromyalgia and in 2022 Long Covid; community is important.

This is especially true if you weren’t born with a disability. If, like me, you were just living your life, in my case running 4km multiple times a week, then one day you could barely walk, breathe or think (this is me from able-bodied to Long Covid). For chronic illness later in life, and I imagine any disability resulting from an accident or degenerative disease, its a BIG adjustment. And suddenly a major impact on your life falls outside the knowledge and understanding of most people in it (perhaps everyone you know). That’s where community comes in.

Disability Community- Get One

I learnt a lot about Chronic Fatigue limitations and managing my long covid from 2022 Twitter’s Disability community. I’m now learning from, connecting with and enjoying speaking to people on Blue Sky’s ADHD & Autism Feed, Neurodiverse Feed, Chronic Illness and Disability Feeds. These are totally informal round ups of individual people’s posts, which make it easier to share experiences, complain, commiserate, celebrate with and ask questions of people who ‘get it’/ us.

When I first realised I had Long Covid, it felt less scary seeing that others were in the same boat. This was a new illness, the medical profession had only just begun scratching the surface , no one I knew in real life had the faintest clue, but other people were suffering from it. Other people were living with it. Seeing their posts and reading articles encouraged me that we would find our way. (Took me 2.5 years but I got there –cutting back to part time work was the KEY).

Reading ADHD traits in other people’s daily lives was also validating for me as I sought an ADHD diagnosis, and it helps me feel connected now. Meanwhile seeing what other’s say about how autism impacts them and how I do and don’t relate to other people with autism is also helping me develop my self awareness.

For all four all four types of disability I’ve personally experienced, community has helped. I recommend seeking it on your choice of social media by searching relevant hashtags/ keywords. If relevant, you might want to seek out online or local formal support groups as well.

A Good Doctor

I know, they’re so hard to find —especially in rural areas. And if you have multiple disabilities, there’s the issue of finding a doctor who competently and open-mindedly supports you in managing them ALL. And who does so without being skeptical of one’s existence or biased toward misdiagnosing the other one(s).

For fellow spoonies, there’s also the issue of finding the energy to find a good doctor, if yours isn’t fully adequate. And there can be the need for a doctor who understands the links between conditions. For example maybe that woman doesn’t ‘need’ antidepressants and maybe her anxiety isn’t random, maybe she (and the world) need to adjust to her having autism or ADHD, or both? And maybe her back pain isn’t muscular, maybe its stress from the strain of the above?

Sure, this is just my observations as a person with only personal and second-hand knowledge of such things, but the more I learn, the more it seems your mental, emotional and physical health are interrelated. That any one of those three having an issue can stuff up one or both the others. So if you’ve got multiple ongoing disabilities, you NEED that good doctor who gets the BIG PICTURE for all diagnosis and relevant treatment/ management reasons.

My Doctor Wasn’t Good

I thought I had a good doctor. He listened, he was reassuring, he made me feel comfortable about some other issues that could have been quite serious, but turned out not to be. Then I got long covid. He got me to do standard medical tests, like bloods and an ECG to check my heart ect. When standard tests did not indicate standard (pre-covid) medical conditions, he handed me a survey to ‘explore other options’. Said survery basically asked ‘are you depressed’? in ten different ways. No, I wasn’t depressed. But having my GP try to misdiagnose my obviously physiological illness as depression did cause me anxiety about finding treatment for unknown condition.

He Had to Go

At this time I was fatigued, in chronic chest and back pain and brain fogged. I was teaching full time and very low on spoons. But I was lucky. It was 2022. I knew scientists were only just beginning to study, research and learn what the bloody hell long covid is and what it does to the human body. I knew many doctors could still be very ignorant of this.

But I hadn’t expected to come up against prejudice blocking my path to diagnosis. Luckily my doctor let slip enough for me to suspect that he had long covid, and didn’t want to admit it. And that that bias was compromising his judgement in diagnosing me. It was very clear I needed to walk away. Friends and my mother, whom I spoke to when I had the spoons, backed me fully and I felt empowered to seek a new doctor.

My Experience of Medical Prejudices & Biases

Enter doctor two. Consultation one, my most troubling symptom (which she mainly wanted to hear about, as opposed to symptoms which clearly pointed to long covid) was chronic pain. So, despite my insistence that my mental health was good and depression made zero sense, she prescribed me valium. She pretty much tried to convince me it was depression. One’s a coincidence, two’s a pattern.

This is how I learned there are doctors who prefer to diagnose based on the conditions they personally are most familiar with. That some will ignore any symptoms you name that disagree with their diagnosis (I didn’t have the spoons to test it with doctor two, but for doctor one this was certainly the case). This is when I became aware of doctors who misdiagnose physiological illnesses like long covid and Chronic Fatigue Sydrome, as psychological. Maybe because depression is more common, or more in line with their professional experience, personal bias, whatever. It didn’t help me.

How I Found the Right Doctor

As I said, I was low on spoons and not truly quite ready to accept that this time I knew best, and two doctors didn’t. I took the valium, got home, got angry, threw it in the bin and turned to friends and my mother. Comments from my mother like “but you never take pain killers” really helped me see beyond doubt that this was BAD, physiological and I needed a doctor who understood.

Starting to understand I was fatigued and struggling to find good doctors, my mother got me onto Hot Doc. Its an Australian online booking service with filters that let me search for doctors in my city who specialise in chronic illness. I made an appointment. Doctor three let me talk —probably beyond what he needed to hear for diagnosis because he could see I needed to get it off my chest. Then he said, “That sounds like long covid. But you already knew that?”

Yep, got the one!

I was SO relieved to have a doctor who knew what he was dealing with (I was his fourth long covid patient). He could reassure me that having stumbled for four months on my own I was on the right track with fatigue management. He also have advice on balancing that and exercise, and bothered to test my iron and B12 (both were low) and got me on vitamin supplements.

When I recovered from Long Covid and still had pain and fatigue crashes —he knew Fibromyalgia was a possibility. He correctly diagnosed that and prescribed a pain killer that for the most part kep my chronic pain at bay. (This was while teaching full time. I now work part time and no longer need pain medication. I’ve learnt pain is my body saying ‘fucking stop and rest’ and working no more than two consecutive days a week now, I’m nearly pain free).

Patient Awareness

Medical Malpractice that Could Have Impacted Me

Having had two doctors fail me, I realised it was a good idea to do what little reading I could find the spoons for. At the time it seemed Chronic Fatigue Syndrome was as much a possibility as Long Covid. So when I came across articles about doctors whose outdated —not to mention medically discredited— approach to treating CFS causing harm, I read them.

Luckily Twitter (not yet completely destroyed or corrupted by Musk in 2022) still had doctors tweeting good resources. That’s how I learned about PEM (post exhertional maliaise). And some doctors acting on now discredited beliefs telling patients with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome to exercise, which makes CFS symptoms worse and can cause PEM. I also learnt of the myth CFS sufferers can ‘make themselves better by changing their attitudes,’ outlined and linked to Long Covid scepticism in this article.

By the time I saw my third doctor, I was ready to run away from anyone who told me to ‘exercise and work’ my way out of long covid. Ready to defy out-dated medical advice. Luckily, I didn’t need to. (Though interestingly, with Fibromyalgia, balancing my part time work week with exercise is proving my best defence against fatigue and chronic pain. This is perhaps because I was extremely fit before becoming chronically ill in my mid thirties).

Safeguarding Yourself/ Family

I know, the last thing you need when you’re managing one or more disabilities is safeguarding yourself against a medical professional whose judgement could do you harm. In a world free from racism, misogyny, transphobia etc, that would be easier. Its the last thing you need when when you’ve got a condition that really limits you physically and or emotionally/ mentally. I’m thinking particularly of early Long Covid patients told to exercise which further crippled them with PEM here, but in our imperfect world other circumstances may also apply.

But as I discovered with Long Covid, sometimes you’re unlucky and you’ve either got the wrong doctor, or the wrong doctor to help you manage your particular condition(s). So be aware of and on the look out for red flags.

Trust Yourself and Listen to Those You Trust

So should you feel a medical professional isn’t listening, that their advice is not helping, that their judgement is impaired by any form of prejudice; trust yourself. If it helps and is manageable, keep a record of your symptoms. Know how you were before treatment/ medical advice and after. Have it in writing so you can see for yourself whether treatment is making things better or worse, or which compromise is best. Back yourself up with knowledge of your body so you know when to say ‘no.’

Confession: between brain fog and ADHD I was shit at tracking my symptoms with Long Covid and initially just as bad with Fibromyalgia. But with the Fibro, my awareness of my own body, how much physical activity I can undertake, what kind and how often has been the single greatest factor in improving my quality of life. Similarly, awareness of my ADHD, particularly after I started taking meds, has helped me notice when futile to attempt certain tasks. Knowing yourself helps you help you, and helps inform that good doctor, to help them help you.

I hope you’ve mostly got access to effective, unbiased medical professionals who know what they’re doing. But the rarer and lesser known your condition, it seems the better and more necessary it is to hone your own awareness. And trust that awareness. And communicate it to medical professionals until you get one who listens, understands and work with you as you are are, not merely how they assume/ anticipate you to be.

Neurodiverse Communication

Rehearsing Conversations

I’m guessing neurotypical people rehearse conversations in their heads when they’re giving a speech, or telling someone they really care about something that really matters to them. By the time I was around fifteen, I rehearsed ANYTHING and EVERYTHING I may like to say to my friends before saying it aloud. I would approach social situations with prepared topics and comments drafted in my brain and would be happy when I got to say them all.

Did I monitor the interest levels of people as I plunged through my pre-rehearsed topics? Not really. Sometimes when I’d finished talking I did. Knowing how much to say about a topic and not rambling on when the other person isn’t as interested as me is a life skill I am still refining, in my thirties.

This is an autistic trait common in adults.

What are You on About?

As a teenager, I routinely initiated conversations with peers because it was the easiest way to communicate. Even as an adult I find other people starting the conversation challenging. With people I don’t know well, the first thing I think they’re saying usually isn’t what they mean. I’ve developed a habit of listening, ignoring my first interpretation, and waiting until a second or third interpretation forms in my mind before I respond. Usually by then I’ve correctly identified the topic and their intended meaning. If I take too long, I comment on one aspect I’m sure I understand, to encourage them to say more, to give me more time to figure out what they’re talking about.

When I’m tired, I also struggle because I interpret things literally. I suspect that any other time I remember what I know about that person, or topic and do mental gymnastics to get from what they literally said to what they actually mean. That gets socially awkward because neurotypical people, especially adults in a professional context, tend to want immediate answers to their questions. But they don’t say what they literally mean, so I need processing time to do mental gymnastics before I can answer.

I suspect my main challenge with both of the above can be taking people more literally than they intend. Though my ADHD being challenged by information overload is also a close contender for that title. When the other person talks too much I start forgetting information they’ve said before connecting the pieces of it together and extracting meaning from them. Either way, the other person’s point can go completely over my head.

Taking people too literally? Classic autistic trait.

Why Can’t People Just SAY what they MEAN?

I am already using SO MUCH energy in conversations to: stay focused (because ADHD), not interrupt (because ADHD), read body language and tone (because autism), put effort into the above simultaneously (neurodivers e people tend to struggle with split-focus) while tracking what you mean AND responding swiftly. I have very few spoons left to dedicate to hunting mystical meanings you hide between your words. Just TELL ME what you want!

This wasn’t easy for me to recognise, because while I was swiftly frustrated with academics who waffle on at Uni (mostly in articles), and adults who beat around the bush; I work with kids. I’m always working with people who may be discussing things they are unclear on, and struggle to put into words. Teaching has me forever piecing together clues, filling gaps and actively supporting students to communicate more clearly/ effectively/ socially acceptably with each other.

I tend to recognise sarcasm and quite a few other things autistic people generally struggle with, perhaps because I’ve worked closely with twenty-something kids five days a week and adults after hours, for over ten years. Experience has positioned me to present as neurotypical, but when I get tired at the end of the day and someone in leadership gives an instruction that sounds like its giving me a choice but actually means ‘I want you to do x like y,’ I’m prone to mis their intended meaning and take them at their literal one. When I’m online and tired, sometimes I skip over posts because there aren’t enough contextual clues within them and I just don’t know what they mean.

I prefer to get directions at work from leaders who speak directly, even bluntly and keep to the point. That’s A LOT clearer to me, and a lot less effort to process.

I Say What I Mean

I lost track long ago how many times growing up my mother would joke ‘why don’t you tell us what you really think?’ Over the past year I’ve often deleted my posts about genocide in Palestine because I can’t express my feelings without swearing the house down and saying things I know could be inflammatory and not do any form of good.

But growing up, with close friends and family, I tended to just say what I meant, uncensored. Only in England did I learn to shut up at work, so I didn’t spend the entire day saying; ‘This system is on fire. Why are you teaching in it instead of trying putting out the flames?’ (Yes, this is a metaphor for the string of swearing I was actually thinking in).

Honestly, I think the downside of ‘polite society’ in an age where Trump is running for a second presidency and the phrase ‘you can’t make this shit up’ is common commentary on real life is an era in which MORE people need to be saying; ‘This shit is fucked up.’ I fear that being ‘polite’ and not bluntly calling things out normalises shit that absolutely SHOULD NOT be happening. *Points at genocide in Palestine*.

Again, the tendency to be blunt is an autistic one.

Tone

I had no idea that speaking more informally than is appropriate is an autistic tendency. (I was more familiar with the perhaps more common, or better recognised tendency to speak formally when it isn’t expected/ required). But both are autistic traits, and natural inclinations I learned to adapt at work. I did it as early as working in retail (where being tall, thin, blond and female presenting, speaking in a more formal, professional manner meant I was less likely to have to put up with people treating me like an airhead).

A more warm and welcoming professional tone also works well with parents as a teacher. And when I step into ‘professional communication mode’ I find it easier to make eye contact, ask other people questions and behave in what people consider a welcoming, professional way (which is of course a neurotypical way).

With adults at work, I also tend to tone down my excitement, and present in a calmer, more professional manner. Whereas with students I’ll be up pacing, gesticulating, and my tone will be full of enthusiasm on topics of interest, which is thankfully many within the expanse that is twenty-first century curriculum.

Leading Conversations

Having prepared my talking points in advance, I also like to lead conversations. When I start the conversation, especially a group conversation, its SO much easier to keep track of what we’re talking about and have clarity about the conversation. It also gives me the chance to ensure my particular interests feature strongly, which makes it much easier for me to follow and actively participate.

While struggling to follow group conversations is a classic ADHD trait, the desire to lead them is an autistic one. (This and other autistic traits being listed nicely in this article).

Reciprocity In Conversation

I have the ADHD tendency of ‘I just need to tell you these ten things, all at once, before I forget half of them.’ THEN I have the headspace to properly listen to and take in what that person is saying.

But when the other person asks about me first, I have to make a real effort to ask about them, because its what they expect, not my natural inclination. This is a more autistic tendency.

I loved an episode of the Aussie comedy FISK, where the autistic coded main character is being pretty much trained in small talk/ social niceties by a colleague, but needs to urgently leave. She’s trying to throw out, ‘How are you? And isn’t it a nice day? And what are your plans for the weekend?’ In a very rushed, and random order, because its what the colleague expects, but is clearly unnatural and awkward to the autistic coded MC.

What are Social Graces?

I’ve never been a fan of a few basic social conventions.

1. I don’t like eye contact.

They don’t notice anything. And you don’t want to notice how uncomfortable eye contact makes you, because God knows how often how many people are trying to make eye contact with you and you’re trying to uncomfortably meet it!

2. I don’t do small talk.

When you talk to people you’re supposed to ask how they are. When they’re strangers you’re supposed to do ice breakers, or ‘polite conversation starters’ like the weather, or —hell, I don’t know because I don’t do it. Why? Because I’m not interested. I’m interested in what I’m interested in. In a state of nature going to launch into whatever interests me n that moment with no names, greetings, preamble or niceties. No time wasting— lets get into it! (Yes the impatience is likely ADHD, though struggling with small talk period as an autistic trait.)

Again, I have had to spend lots of time learning and practicing asking how people are, or thinking of things that matter to them and asking how about those. I do care about the latter. If they start talking about it I will show interest in my responses. But its not natural for me to think what to ask about other people. I used to just assume that if something mattered to people they wouldn’t need an invitation to talk about it and would just say it, but I’m learning there are many exceptions to that.

Elise Carlson selfie, smiling, wearing glasses, a cap, with short curls poking out the sides, stripy top, river and mossy rocks in background. — Neurodiverse me, hiking in the Otway Ranges, March 2023.

I’m Thinking…

Hyper Focus

For me, hyper focus is a very important strategy that enabled me to have a teaching career and ADHD at the same time. What I didn’t notice in this section of the blog back in 2021 was how much I like hyper focusing on topics of particular interest, or special interests —a classic autistic trait.

What’s the Point?

Why be on time for class, so I can line up outside, wait for everyone else to enter and sit down slowly and get zero benefits for having got out of bed a bit earlier? If you want me to do something —tell me why. The fact you want me to do it doesn’t motivate me. The fact you were my parent or teacher and even now, the fact alone that its my boss asking doesn’t motivate me.

Intrinsic motivation for me is not conforming to other people’s expectations, their wants, being obedient or doing anything purely because someone asked. I care about, I want to understand, I am motivated by WHY. Tell me how it benefits people —students, colleagues, my boss, me —anybody— or how it makes my work more productive, or easier, or safer or whatever. That’s what motivates me. I don’t know anyone else so strongly motivated by being told why.

The most likely explanation I’ve found at this time for ‘why?’ being so important: the autistic tendency to excel at logical reasoning, which may be more important than or even compensate for intuition in decision making (source on this).

Logic and Decision Making

Deleting my Twitter account was initially an emotional decision, because I had so many friends and writer contacts there. But as the account with a violence against Jews handle was repeatedly reported and found to ‘not violate Twitter’s safety policies’, and the Australian esafety commissioner fined Musk for failing to meet minimum child protection standards, the site became increasing dysfunctional and un-usable, the word ‘cis’ was banned… how could anyone NOT delete their account? How could decent humans ignore reason and divorce their actions from their consciences like this?

Guess what? Turns out excelling at logical thought and reasoning, and a strong sense of social justice are autistic tendencies.

I’m coming to realise that for people choosing to stay on Twitter, its likely an emotional decision about not wanting to lose friends they have there. If only all my friends could leave based on logic and reason and then we could all have migrated together and not got separated! GAH!

(I understand people who chose differently on perhaps an intellectual level here, but as you can see my own emotional reasoning takes me in the opposite direction, because my emotions are a response to the logic of the situation, not an emotional, direct response to the situation itself.).

Why did you change that?

Earlier this year I was in casual teaching. Before doing so, I had to answer the question: are you prepared to be called in to work on the day, or only to be booked in advance?

I have (while living in England) woken up to a phone call, looked up how to access a school I’ve never been to before via public transport and rushed off to work. I can do that. But the relief I felt on being texted a list of dates, and comparing them to my (physical) calendar to check my availability and getting to text back with ‘Yes I am available on those dates’ in a text message?

That’s my autistic love of structure, order, routine. I like predictability telling me what will happen and when, giving me time to mentally adjust to the fact its coming. In this case I liked it to fit work days around medical appointments and moving house, and writing novels and socialising around work.

So heads up, if you know a neurodivergent person (especially someone who’s autistic): don’t spring sudden changes on them! Sudden change is stressful. It often needs to be processed faster than I’m capable of processing it. And if you’re the parents of an autistic child: always give them an idea of how long they can do that thing they love, that they must pack up in five minutes, in two minutes, now! Sudden change is bad!

Memory

Before Twitter became fascist zombie land, (yeah, being blunt is also an autistic tendency and sometimes I just think fuck sensoring my language into neurotypical, I’m calling this shit as I see it), I knew SO MANY writers by name. I recalled at least one genre SO MANY of them wrote. I did make lists to help me, and now do so on Bsky, but my memory was unusual.

Which is clearest when I tell you my ADHD hates making notes about my multi character, complex plot, epic fantasy novels. So I just edit whole novels multiple times. I do my consistency edits of 100k novels in three days, because reading them that close together lets me just remember compass points on their journey, or that character mentioned something seven chapters ago clashing with this chapter’s mention of it.

In some ways my memory is terrible: see ADHD’s impact on working memory. But in others its excellent, and the excellent ways tend to align with autistic tendencies.

Sensory Needs

Its Too Bright

I was once co-teaching and noticed that when the other teacher was teaching, I kept looking at the wall away from the children. That’s because it was blue, and calming and not cluttered with teaching charts. When that teacher went on leave and it became my classroom, I spent 45 minutes pinning A3 sheets of pastel purple over the lurid colours of the wall children sat beside, and took down most charts (I didn’t use them anyway).

That was the most obvious instance in my life of; dude, you have sensory issues! Certain colours, and brightness/ tone are so uncomfortable I don’t want to look at them (and yes, will spend forty five minutes covering them up).

Its Too Loud

The other obvious sensory issue my whole life has been sound. The number of times a repetitive noise has continued until it distracts and frustrates me and I verbally complain and no one else in the room can hear it…

Until getting chronically ill, I was a light sleeper. Possum lands on the roof? I wake up. Car drives over speed bump outside my house? Wake up. Someone walks down the corridor, opens a door, uses the shower in the bathroom next to my room… I bought earplugs when a housemate was getting up at 5.50am because I would wake when he open his door opened (it scrapped across his carpet) and not get to sleep until he shut the front door (it was deadlock only and impossible to turn quietly.)

Sensory sensitivity (which can also be to smell, taste and texture, all of which bother me a lot less) is another classic autistic trait.

Other Areas

Difficulty Maintaining Friendships & Holding Down Employment

This wasn’t an easy one to evaluate, because I move house (sometimes countries) every couple of years. I change work places just as often (these are classic ADHD novelty seeking behaviours). But I didn’t realise holding employment and maintaining friendships are also common autistic struggles.

The one year contract was my bane as a teacher. My ADHD swiftly got fed up with the same time-consuming, repetitive routine of annually re-applying for my job because my contract had finished. That made things hit harder, and is why I figured why not teach overseas? Employment is no longer enough incentive to go through several weeks of lots of work and stress to get the same outcome annually (employment). There’s your autistic logic, running away with the ADHD quest for novelty. My difficulty in spotting both is that at moments like these, they ran hand in hand.

Creativity

I was the ‘in their own world child.’ My author bio mentions ‘graduating from playing imaginary games to writing fantasy.’ This is very much true. While fascination with facts is known as a typical autism trait in children by teachers, it was news to me that an interest in fantasy worlds can also be an autistic trait.

What Now?

Since moving house, I’m selling off things I don’t use and have purchased matching crockery and glassware, to reduce visual sensory overload at home. I also de-clutter my classroom where possible. I ask clarifying questions when needed at work, to help me piece together the too-many pieces of information people are telling me and extract the speaker’s intended meaning from them.

I tell colleagues when I can’t keep up with the professional conversation and again ask clarifying questions as needed. Ultimately, in conversation and meeting sensory needs, I give myself space to be comfortable, my neurodiverse self –autistic and ADHD-istic– and to succeed as such.

Strategy Number 1: Clarify (and play for time)

I don’t just need additional context because I’m neurodivergent. I rarely speak to parents, so I have little knowledge of them and their concerns. Even as a neurotypical person I might not anticipate what they’re asking about. So when they finish talking, I try to summarise their main concern and confirm it by asking, “Is that your concern? Are you also wondering about x?” Or, “So you’d like to know about Y? Is there anything else you’d like to know about that?”

Summarising and asking clarifying questions helps me ensure I have perceived the person’s main message (I tend to clutch at side points when I’m put on the spot), and gives me time to process. Only then do I stand a chance of recalling my usual answer to that sort of question (as an experienced teacher I’m lucky to have a bank of these from past experience). It also gives me time and mental space to connect what they are saying with what I know about the topic, to form my answer. Not to mention, clarifying what the other person is saying signals clearly that you are listening, interested in what they have to say and are keen to understand and help them, all good things to signal.

Strategy 2: Play for Time

If I’m having a casual one on one conversation, especially start of the day ones with students where there’s no contextual clues of what they’re talking about, again, I need time to process. I usually seize on a single piece of what they said, and comment on it, encouraging them to elaborate. While they elaborate, I’m processing, connecting the trip to Sydney to visiting their grandparents and that being why the child is excited. This isn’t a one off for me. It happens in MANY conversations where I’m not given multiple contextual clues.

Note for neurotypical people: If you’re ever chatting to someone and you think the point the other person chose to comment on is random, or not your main point, don’t go feeling misunderstood: elaborate. Adults are so time poor these days that I feel like we often start our conversations in the middle. Even a busy neurotypical person may benefit from, “You know how I was visiting my grandmother because she was sick last week? Well it turns out…”

Strategy 3: Ask ‘Stupid’ Questions

Sometimes in the staff room a colleague asks another, “Did you get those times sorted?” In most contexts that means nothing to me. “Times for what?” No, it doesn’t matter that the last conversation I had with that person was about times. That conversation was two hours ago and my head is full of the teaching I did in between. I need to be asked, “Did you get the times for little Jimmy’s parent-teacher interview sorted?”

I’ve always thought it was magic how most of my colleagues can answer questions like that with zero context, when I mostly can’t. When people ask me questions at a time and about a thing or in a location I don’t expect it, I need at least three contextual clues to know what they’re on about. And because teachers spend most of our time working with students, and many of our conversations are rushed between preparing lessons, meetings, yard duty, paperwork etc; my colleagues rarely give me context. So I’m learning to respond to questions with: “Are you talking about x?”

Note for Neurotypicals: Hyper focus makes context a necessity for me. Hyper focus means my focus is on my world building my novel set in a roughly Bronze Age era, fantasy world. So if you’re asking me about real world, modern day politics in America, I’ll first assume you’re asking about Umarinaris politics during Ruarnon’s reign. Then I might realise you mean modern politics, but modern politics has dickheads in every country (and I’m in Australia, so I may or may not assume Australia first), so which modern country’s political dickheads are you referring to? Give me context!

Processing Strategies

Strategy 1: Go With the Flow

Many writers joke about how much they procrastinate. But when I wake up on a Saturday morning, spend two to three hours bouncing around on social media, then go for a walk (possibly a drive first): I’m not procrastinating. I’m letting my restless, highly distractible brain do its ping pong thing. That involves letting it bounce towards whatever interests it, in any order, forget things, bounce to the next, then circle back.

I let my brain go with its flow. Then I walk and do housework to exercise off the physical restlessness and calm my mind. On Saturday night I watch tv or read, or ease into writing with a blog (like I’m doing right now) or a newsletter. Then on Sunday: I’m ready to write or edit some chapters.

This is what I mean when I say ‘go with the flow’. My brain isn’t linear. It may not finish one thought before it rushes to the next, and the next. It may have two lines of thought simultaneously.

Throughout the Day

But at work I HAVE to slow down. Through sheer will and discipline developed over years, I try to explicitly teach a single line of thought, to make learning accessible to my students. And during the day I force myself to, as much as possible, get all my lesson structure timings right and work to the school timetable and bells.

Once the kids go home, I let myself pack up and organise five different things at once. I forget the first, get distracted by the sixth, re-discover the first and so on. I’ve learned to keep looking around, and circling back each time I finish or get distracted from something, to see what else I’m still working on. Letting my brain go with its natural, chaotic flow when I’m tired takes a lot less effort than forcing myself to linearly do one thing at a time.

So with teaching and writing, I don’t fight or jam my brain into a neurotrypical mold. Wherever possible whilst actually getting things done, I let it march to the beat of its own erratic drum. Then I circle round to catch the things I got distracted from and forgot about before/ during completing them.

Strategy 2: To Do Lists

I laughed when people first mentioned these to me. What’s the point of a to do list? I lose the list LONG before I finish half the things on it. And I don’t remember to tick anything off, so I don’t experience the satisfaction of completing things, I just rush headlong into the next five. But editing the chaos of my novels and recalling the many jobs of different types juggled after hours in teaching was too much.

My new system is paper sticky notes. I don’t keep re-reading or ticking things off because that can get overwhelming and stressful. If I think I haven’t written something down, I just write it again and throw the notes in a pile so I don’t lose them. Once a week (there is a particular day where I have more time), I go over less urgent notes to do and cross their items off. Then I re-write the outstanding jobs in order of when they need to be done. That works for me.

For editing novels, instead of losing my edit notes, I type edit notes above each chapter in the draft. And I write notes that apply to the whole book before the first page, and re-read them periodically.

What Works For You?

For keeping track of things authoring and teaching, its been about listening to others, trialling things, identifying why things won’t work, figuring out what does, and being disciplined, stubborn, determined etc to plug the gaps. This is a good time to shout that its about figuring out what works for you and why, or what makes things harder, or stresses you out and why. And from there: what could make life easier for you?

Ideally we all got diagnosed as kids and had loads of strategies by adulthood, but the 90’s, naughties and earlier let us down big time on that front, so there are many women and nonbinary people and some men playing catch up. Good news though: its never too late to learn or to make your life easier!

Strategy 3: Ask For Help

I’m an impatient, adventurous but also a lone wolf type of person. I just want to dive in and get everything done fast (the best time for me to do anything was often yesterday, and sometimes last week. Failing that, its today.)

Sometimes I move too quick and overlook things multiple times. A classic example is supermarkets, where I can walk up and down the same aisle four times and not notice the item I want. Not only do I ask a staff member to tell me which aisle, but even how far down, or between what or even to point directly to it. I tell them, “I’m sorry, I have visual processing issues and I can’t seem to spot that one thing amongst the other stuff. Could you point to the shelf for me?” ‘Stupid question’ but it really helps.

My Mental Health Strategies

In conversation with others, I noticed how good luck and the benefits of other struggles in my life have positioned me well to manage my ADHD and autism from a mental health perspective. People with ADHD and or autism are statistically more likely to struggle with depression and anxiety, but for most of my life I’ve dodged both. So it seems a good focus for the third section of this blog. (Apologies fellow neurodiverse people, likely nothing in this section is easy and a good chunk works well for me because my experiences and personality predispositions align well).

Strategy 1: Accept What I Cannot Do

I’m realising in conversations with people who are self diagnosing as late in life as I am that I’ve been very fortunate. Some people I know have been carefully masking, measuring themselves up against neurotypicals and berating themselves for not being able to function like neurotypicals their whole lives. I haven’t had that struggle.

When I was around twenty I remember thinking, I’m an adult now. I should be able to do things like navigate to some place I’ve never been and get there on time. I couldn’t. Remembering to leave time for traffic, find a car park, get from car to venue etc is boring. I’m restless, impatient and easily distracted. All I knew back then was I struggled (and still do sometimes) in the moment to recall and allow for ALL the factors that allow you to get somewhere unfamiliar on time.

And I thought: most people with at least half a brain find this easy. I have more than half a brain but find it virtually impossible. I don’t know why or if I will ever know. So rather than be upset about something I can’t change, I’m just going to accept that I randomly suck at some things for no apparent reason. I’ll accept it as one of my quirks, enjoy getting lost, not sweat about being late and laugh it off.

Strategy 2: Don’t Compare Myself to Others

This was probably easy because I’ve rarely ever measured myself against my peers. I don’t date, or have my own kids so there’s no point of comparison as a partner or parent. As a nonbinary person I never cared much about the type of ‘man’, or ‘woman’ I am. I’ve met few nonbinary people, all recently, and as an umbrella term for multiple genders its hard to compare yourself to another nonbinary person anyway, so I didn’t care how my gender and that part of my identity compared to anyone.

When it came to my brain working differently and me behaving or struggling to do certain things in certain situations, I figured that’s just my quirks. I’m unlike many people in many ways, and in these particular ways I suck at things others can do easily. I didn’t suck enough to not be capable of what I want to do in life, it just made many things I wanted to do (like being a teacher and writing novels) A LOT harder and made me look clumsy. So the only times I compared myself to others and masked my ADHD and autism was when I worried it might raise questions about my competence at work (after I’d had years to settle in as a graduate teacher).

Strategy 3: Be Open About My Limitations At Work

I had no choice with this recently at work. The more boxes, colours and types of information a form collects, the more impossible I find it to perceive the whole form. Red hurts my eyes. White print on colour is hard to read correctly. And the more information jammed into more boxes, the more my brain shuts everything out to prevent being overloaded and doesn’t even realise it isn’t perceiving everything. I suspect this is a strategy my brain sub-consciously developed to minimise stress levels and help me avoid meltdowns.

The above became clear when I fell on my face doing a ridiculous amount of paperwork my colleagues found challenging but achievable that I found impossible earlier this year.

Whether or not your boss and colleagues believe you, understand you or appreciate the challenges you face at work makes a huge difference. I’ve been very lucky. And with understanding of my needs, I could develop strategies and work could put supports in place so that what was inaccessible to my neurodiverse brain became workable. (Though it was still exhausting -needlessly, because the organisation who produced the paperwork doesn’t understand how inaccessible they made it to people like me and don’t seem interested in learning.)

Had I not been open and honest about having visual and general processing challenges in completing paperwork, I could have been accused of being careless, lazy, incompetent etc. I was privledged that my bosses could be trusted with the truth of my neurodiversity (and chronic illness). And that they were willing to listen to how, between neurodiversity and chronic illness, I faced many significant obstacles in the workplace that my colleagues didn’t and they were genuinely prepared to support me with that.

Strategy 4: Be Open About My Limitations At Home

Again, I’ve been lucky. For my first three years as a teacher I lived alone in my own house, as chaotically as I wanted while I figured everything out. By the time I moved into a sharehouse, I had a fair idea of how to organise cleaning and other things that could annoy my housemates.

I’ve been clear about systems that help me succeed with housemates. For eg. bills are printed and stuck to my fridge (the one my food is in) and we sign when we’ve paid our share. Because if our bills are shared digitally, the infinite distractions on the internet mean I’ll forget the bill exists each time I close the tab I saw it in. On the fridge there are no distractions and I see it each time I enter the kitchen, creating the eight or so opportunities I need to remember to actually get as far as paying before being distracted by something else. I move a device into the kitchen, so when I bounce between tabs and forget what I’m doing, my physical location reminds me to pay a bill.

One housemate circles the cost and writes what each of us owe on bills, so I don’t get lost sifting through too many words and miss important details, like whether its gas or electricity (the first five or so times I look at it, out of impatience and restlessness).

I’ve also mentioned that I’m a light sleeper with sensitive hearing, and headphones or background noise exacerbate the ringing in my ears. I ask my housemates not to shower after 11pm (my room is next to the bathroom) or be cooking and banging pots and pans at 1am (I’m also near the kitchen). My housemates are good with this.

Key Points for Neurotypicals

Give the person you’re speaking to, especially if you’re asking them a question, context, each time you change the conversation topic.
Give people time to process what you’re saying or asking. If after a pause they still don’t respond, give them more information, in case they’re still unclear (and possibly feeling stupid for being so).
Please be patient and remember that its not that we don’t care. ADHD brains are distractible, impatient and can be impulsive. We will forget things temporarily, often because there’s too many things going on in our heads at once and we don’t have your capacity to focus on only one of them (without a massive struggle). Which one are you referring to?
Thanks for taking an interest in and being willing to learn about what life can be like for neurodiverse people, in particular ADHDers. You being informed and trying to understand can make a big difference in your interactions with us, how we are perceived and ultimately on our wellbeing.

Key Points for Neurodiverse People

It’s ok to ask ‘stupid questions,’ restate and clarify what others are saying and to ask for time to process information. Its also ok to ask if you can get back to someone at a later time. You are allowed to take the time you need to process the situation, even and most especially when that timing doesn’t match neurotypical expectations.
Figure out how your brain works best. Develop strategies that work with and support your brain where possible, and that scaffold your brain where it struggles. Talking to other ND people may help, but we, our brains and circumstances vary and you’ll need to figure out what works best for you.
It may seem I’m asking you for the sun AND the moon, but we need to accept what we can and can’t do and make our peace with it to be content in life. This includes not comparing ourselves to neurotypicals and not beating ourselves up for not measuring up to or not meeting neurotypical expectations. This world was not designed for us and that is NOT our fault.
If it is safe to do so and people at your work and home are willing to listen and are receptive to your words, tell them honestly what you struggle with. Tell them (when you’ve figured it out) how your brain makes some things difficult, and what they and you can do to make things easier.
Best of luck finding strategies that work for you!

Neurodivergent Self Diagnosis. ADHD? Autistic?

March 15, 2023 / Elise Carlson / 0 Comments

I’ve never considered myself to be ‘normal’ or ‘just like everyone else’. When you’re a nonbinary person, and an asexual, aromantic in a world of binary gender adults interested in romantic relationships and sex —you don’t fit. You often don’t quite present, sound or act like most people. But as I try to iron out creases that trip me up in my teaching career, and talk to neurodiverse friends on social media, I’m seeing another set of differences in how I think, feel and function that also set me apart. I Think I’m Neurodivergent (ADHD being the likely candidate).